Day 0

Thanks Pink Lady : )

Today is day 71! 10 weeks have passed and I am feeling strong still. Just getting on with it and ticking off the days. Crazy to think how much life has changed in such a short period of time. Gambling was literally my life, it's not a part of it anymore. 

I am still skint but I stayed in a hotel 2 nights ago and I had to pay £100 deposit. I never normally would have it. I did. And I paid it. It felt good. I can buy things from the supermarket I want now.

I still have a lot of financial repairing to do but I could always find money for gambling, now I have a couple of hundred pounds which floats me and it doesn't go to gambling. Hoping by Christmas I will have got rid of all debts to friends and although I will still pay others, I may be able to look at savings and establish an emergency fund of a few months expenses. This alone I know makes my partner feel more secure and also myself. If anything goes wrong, I can be self sufficient rather than borrowing, spending it on gambling and having to borrow again. 

It feels good. 

My head isn't worked out and I feel an immense amount of guilt but starting to believe that I was / am poorly and not a complete a*sehole.

The road to recovery is long but the green shoots of recovery are starting to sprout and I really think I have this.

The realisation that I would always lose and up stakes means I am able to tell myself, it is just giving the money away and causing pain and making awful decisions. 

It was definitely escapism, dopamine craving and now the world is a bit quieter for me day to day and I am here for it,

Have a restful weekend all.