Day 1 - for the 4th time

Hi there.  It sounds like you know what will help you abstain - get back on Gamcare, get Gamblock for your phone and block all gambling transactions on your bank accounts. Why give your money to those shady overseas establishments that do everything they can to withhold your money and for as long as possible!👎👎.

I wish you strength and hope in getting some normality back into your daily life again. You know it can be done as you have done it before. 💪.

All the best and take care.

Pink Lady.

🩷🍎.

Day 3

i have maintained my restraint from gambling but it’s been difficult.

all of my thoughts have been on signing up to a new account, regardless of the validity or safety status of the site. Just get on a site and deposit money and win back your losses.

thankfully, I haven’t given in. I don’t know how I’ve found the strength, but I’ve not given in. 

I spent tonight having a glass or 3 of wine with my partner, watching films he’s been recommending for months. I tried so hard to be present but all I could think about was the terrifying feeling of him finding out what I’ve done.

our finances are separate, and my finances have no impact on him. But the money I’ve lost would have made such a difference to him. It’s so hard to handle. 

while he is aware of my gambling in the past, he has no idea it’s a problem again. And I tell him everything. But I’m confident he could not handle this. A couple of grand, sure he’d understand. But multiple 5 figures? No way. It’d stick in his throat, in the same way it would to me. 

I’m okay doing this alone, but it’s hard.

I’m hoping writing on here will help.

thats me for the night, hope you’re all well and doing well, and can celebrate another gamble free night tonight x

Day 3

i have maintained my restraint from gambling but it’s been difficult.

all of my thoughts have been on signing up to a new account, regardless of the validity or safety status of the site. Just get on a site and deposit money and win back your losses.

thankfully, I haven’t given in. I don’t know how I’ve found the strength, but I’ve not given in. 

I spent tonight having a glass or 3 of wine with my partner, watching films he’s been recommending for months. I tried so hard to be present but all I could think about was the terrifying feeling of him finding out what I’ve done.

our finances are separate, and my finances have no impact on him. But the money I’ve lost would have made such a difference to him. It’s so hard to handle. 

while he is aware of my gambling in the past, he has no idea it’s a problem again. And I tell him everything. But I’m confident he could not handle this. A couple of grand, sure he’d understand. But multiple 5 figures? No way. It’d stick in his throat, in the same way it would to me. 

I’m okay doing this alone, but it’s hard.

I’m hoping writing on here will help.

thats me for the night, hope you’re all well and doing well, and can celebrate another gamble free night tonight x

@j5a6meyr4z Pink lady I remember you at the start of your journey, my previous attempt to get gamble free, you were the first forum post I read around 4-5 months ago. I can only wish I’d stuck with it as you have 🙈

Congratulations on your recovery, I hope you’re doing well and I thank you for your kind words ❤️

Hi I am new here too. I sound the same as you I am blocked on all the uk casinos but found offshore and I've lost a fortune. Every time I get money in my bank I deposit then kick myself. I'm not sleeping I'm so stressed. I want you to know you are not alone and I truly hope you find a way to stop again x good luck x 

Your story really resonates with me. I told my partner about my gambling issues years ago, but it only added to the pain because they had to bear the impact of my struggles. Since then, I’ve continued to fight this battle on my own.

I also discovered the non-regulated casinos. One thing that keeps me away from them now is the fear of what happens with my personal information. Ever since I used those sites, I’ve been getting money-making scams contacting me through social media and text messages. I am not sure how they find me but they have. My biggest worry is that they might somehow track down my partner.

I spent the last 10 years telling myself that if I won big, I’d walk away. But when I finally did win, it changed nothing. I was still just as tight with money, and eventually, I ended up giving it all back to the casino.

Your story really resonates with me. I told my partner about my gambling issues years ago, but it only added to the pain because they had to bear the impact of my struggles. Since then, I’ve continued to fight this battle on my own.

I also discovered the non-regulated casinos. One thing that keeps me away from them now is the fear of what happens with my personal information. Ever since I used those sites, I’ve been getting money-making scams contacting me through social media and text messages. I am not sure how they find me but they have. My biggest worry is that they might somehow track down my partner.

I spent the last 10 years telling myself that if I won big, I’d walk away. But when I finally did win, it changed nothing. I was still just as tight with money, and eventually, I ended up giving it all back to the casino.

I found the dangerous offshore casinos and the crypto ones too. I know there is a way I could get back to them if I tried. Gamblers can always find away. You’ve beat this before and you can beat it again. Take all the negativity you feel now and turn it against the gambling. Change up your mindset. You don’t want to get back to those times you described in your first post. I know you want to do this alone and I know that can be done, as long as you realise you are not truly alone. I still spent hours in here reading others stories. I go to the chat rooms. I realise that I can’t beat this truly alone. I need some support and even 1 person in here saying well done can be the difference between gambling or not, so keep posting.

You don’t want to lose what you have, yet your brain is still sometimes saying, go on, gamble. That’s the madness of this illness. Keep remembering that when you’re tempted. Give in to the temptation, risk all you have, for what? A minimal chance of financial redemption that will actually ruin you more and guarantee you lose what you have, or push it aside and enjoy the life you have. 

Wishing you all the success in the world.

Stat strong 💪 

Day 5 - can’t believe I’ve actually gone 5 days.

Over the last few months, I’ve been making more and more attempts to shut down online accounts for problem gambling, to try and protect myself.

I’ll open an account, deposit until I win, cash out, wait the week or so to get the money, and then tell them to close my account for problem gambling.

only that ‘method’ rarely works. I either end up putting too much money in, then trying to chase on other sites, or what I do win, I take to another site and lose it there anyway.

its a horrid cycle. Kept telling myself, this will be the win. And when I do win, this will be that last one. And when I lose, just one more will fix it. Awful.

maybe it’s the fear that I’ve closed down too many sites that’s helping me to not gamble this time. I was starting to really worry when I’d win that I’d be on some blocked list, and they’d confiscate everything, so even a win was a week of drawn out stress.

its nice not to have that right now. I’m still hurting about how much is lost, and desperate to get the money back quickly, patience never was my strongest skill.

but for now, I’m content that I’ve achieved 5 days, and the stress and panic levels are starting to reduce.

hope you’re all doing well, and having a safe and gamble free night x

@m8ock73nbv the offshore casinos are just awful, and from what I can tell, there’s just no way to block yourself from them all, so your only choice is to have a strong will. It’s so hard. I hope you’re doing well, it’s nice to know I’m not alone but sorry there’s so many of us in this mess! Hope you’re sleeping better, good luck to you too x

@dom246 it’s really hard with partners and family, because you want to tell them, and I’m sure like me you have an amazing partner, but it’s just such a huge burden to put on them it wouldn’t feel fair. So many people on here have managed to tell their partners and that’s great if it works but I’m just not sure it works for everyone. Hope you’re managing it okay.

 
I feel your pain. It just goes back to the casino every time. I stopped counting eventually it got too painful. Just know when it hits zero!

hope you’re keeping well, all the best

@p6z38njbqm thank you for the kind words, it honestly means so much. Because I’ve not talked about this with anyone for years, and even when I did, it was during the period when I wasn’t gambling so I felt past it, which is not the period I’m in now.

ive never talked about it as it’s happening, and reading so many peoples stories on here is eye opening and doesn’t make me feel completely alone. 

Writing also makes it feel more real, which is a good and a bad thing, because at least it gives me grounding and awareness… even if it’s hard and painful to do.

all the best to you

Day 6 - but not really anymore.

Well, I broke my 6 day thread.

was so close to reaching 7 days.

if I had no money a week ago, I really have no money now.

i think I’m just in shock at this point. What the heck is wrong with me?

why can’t I stop?

Back at Day 1 again.

I don’t know what happened last night. I had a nice evening with my partner, few glasses of wine, and just as I was about to go to bed, I got the urge.

Told myself literally like an instruction, you’re just going to open 1 account, deposit 500 and whatever the outcome that’s it.

Thats not what happened. Blew my entire salary. At some point in the middle of it, I remember thinking to myself, well, at least if I lose it all I don’t have to spend the next week waiting for a withdrawal to be approved and be stressed from that.

Meanwhile, I could hear my partner downstairs having a nice night to himself, bit of music, chatting with friends on voicenotes, having fun, and completely oblivious to what I was doing upstairs. 

Im so so so done with this behaviour. I hate myself. I think I’m punishing myself, but I’m not sure why. I’m a smart girl, good job, and good relationship for the most part. I just don’t know why I keep doing this.

there is an addiction streak in my family. Mum is a clinical alcoholic, dad is a functional one, my sister has bulimia and a spending problem. But why I’ve been doing this I just don’t know. 

Hoping for the strength to get through this. X