Hello all,
I've been gambling now for almost 3 years and I must have lost about £30,000 in total, with about 15,000 of that currently being owed. I'm 22 years old and I have a decent job with a substantial payrise due at the end of the year. My current debt payments are affordable, yet I worry that if I carry on, they won't be.
I've just lost £700 and for the first time ever, I haven't felt sad and sick. I imagine I will when I wake up, but I feel determined to not let it ever happen again.
I started gambling shortly after something horrible happened. I won't make excuses, I've always had an addictive personality, but I was having trouble sleeping and online gambling was something to do to pass the time. But since then it's distracted me at work, prevented me from studying for exams, and lost me friends because I've become cold and distant.
It makes me feel ill when I think about how much I've lost, and how I've set my own future back X years whilst I save up the money I've lost, but I'm grateful where I'm at a point where I can turn it around, and I do really want to. I know at the back of my mind that there's no point gambling because I won't be satisfied until I've got back what I've lost, and that's near impossible. I just have to remember that.
My problem is that nobody knows. My parents were aware of it near the start and they were furious, they helped me out but said never again. I don't want to let them down again. I also don't want to share this with any friends. I think a counsellor may help so I'm going to look into it.
I don't mind if nobody ever reads this, I'm just going to use it as a tracker of my progress. I've only gone a month without gambling before and that was merely because I had no money.
I can't promise I'll never gamble again, but I'm going to try.
Hi hae hae ☺
Welcome to recovery! Some brave steps being made - admitting defeat to this addiction..ohh..it is strong, only cause it's in our own gambling heads, but don't forget that these heads can do a lot of positive things also..changing the mindset is really difficult but if you're commited to recovery and truly want to get better - anything is possible.
Firstly - let go of the losses..that's it, money has gone and won't come back..I'm sure you don't want to loose more...so chasing is deffo out of the question..we simply cannot win because we cannot stop.
I would advise to get blocks in place. K9 software is for free and truly does the trick. Urges are really annoying gremlins and I'm sure you will get them..self exclusion and blocks are really good starting point in staying protected... besides you can always take up some new hobbies..we have few runners here ☺..you can keep occupied by a lot of things..esp when urges strike, even light walk can work miracles.
Counselling - yes, that could truly help especially when you mentioned something traumatic happening in your life. GC offers free 1 to 1 sessions! Get in touch with them, I'm sure they will guide you and help you on the way.
As of telling parents or friends..i get what you're saying, however this addiction breeds on secrecy and to do it on your own is near enough impossible..i believe you want to be honest, you need support and truly hope that in time you will open up to your loved ones...it's an amazing feeling of weight dropping off your shoulders..trully is..they do care & just maybe you don't realise yourself that they already noticing some warning signs? Red flags about you?..while we in a mist of gambling, we tend to see nothing around us..nothing exists huh..addiction will take and keep taking..it won't stop..
Please stay close by this site..keep putting your thoughts down. There are a lot of inspiration on these pages, loads of support from people who are in the same boat...keep reading.
You're not alone. Take it one day at a time and things will start looking a lot better i assure you.
Be kind to yourself..abstain and maintain..recovery will gift you your life back..& even better than before ☺
Sandra
Thank you hopeful soul. I didn't sleep a lot last night and even had a dream about losing on blackjack. I feel low today but have been reading stories and feel a little better.
I will contact gamcare on Monday to see how they can help. I've got 6 days until payday and £60 in my purse and I'm £150 over my overdrawn limit. Next month's wages will almost all go to my debts, around 1300 as I have a holiday I've already paid for and working away so no rent. Feeling lost but hopeful.
Welcome to the forum you will get great advice as you already have from Sandra. It won't be way but you can do if you put as much effort it stopping as you used to do to put that bet on before.
Just to let let you know Gamcare are open over the weekend so you don't have to wait to Monday.
KTF
Day 2 complete. I didn't want to call over the weekend because I knew I was in a state and needed some time to myself trying to not think of gambling. I've had no temptations today but I've had a lot of worrying thoughts and panics so I will contact GC tomorrow.
A friend had a close family member die last night, it made me see that whilst my problems are very real, life could be so much worse and I should count myself lucky. Life is too short to be spent worrying about money and gambling.
I'm going home to visit my family next week and I'm going to talk to them about everything. It'll be one of the hardest things I do but I think only then will I truly be able to move towards recovery.
You sound like a good person haehae, best of luck on your road to recovery!
Day 3 - I didn't even realise another whole day had passed, that may seem weird but I felt like I was still on day 2! Didn't even think of gambling today, mood a little low but otherwise a good day.
Day 4 - feeling nervous about seeing my family but otherwise nothing eventful today. Applied to do some extra work to pay off debts faster so hopefully that works out, it's not a huge amount but could make each month a bit easier
Day 5 - good day, £30 bonus on some work I'd done - obviously not a life changing amount but will help see me through to payday on Friday. Also booked in to do £175 worth of work after my holiday next week and another possible £60 to be confirmed tomorrow. Lost £700 last week so slowly building back up.
Day 6 - Nothing interesting today, started reading a book when I was bored so I didn't worry too much. Payday tomorrow!
Day 7 - I know it's only midday so plenty of time to go but feeling proud of myself. Been faced with my first real challenge today and that was being in Leicester Square, I needed to be there for 20 minutes for work and forgot about the casino next to the tube station! Today is also payday and I'd withdrawn all the money that is not going on bills and repayments this month so I'm not tempted to use it online, so had a wad of cash and was tempted.
I've been in there before and it's a no membership one so anyone can go in. I had a couple of hours to kill but resisted, and instead got on the tube and am now on my way home! 🙂
Well done Haehae - you should be proud of yourself. You seem to have got yourself organised with your finances and seem to have got through Day 1 by resisting temptation. I hope you have many more days like this.
Good luck
Day 8 - had a lovely day shopping for my holiday, I didn't spend a lot but it was nice to have some money just for me and not for my gambling or debts. I won't be posting much for a couple of weeks but it also means I won't have access to online gambling. There is a casino at the hotel but I'm not taking my card and very little cash as all food and drink is included and anything I want to buy my friends will buy and I will pay back when we get back 🙂
Well done so far, you're doing well. Leicester Square dangerous place for gamblers, lost years of my life in arcades around there.
Strangely I work near there now, but believe me life is to precious to be spending a single second in a dingy arcade or casino.
Enjoy your holiday hopefully recharge the batteries and it'll give you an extra boost towards keeping gamble free.
Hi all,
I haven't posted on here in a while. My debts were starting to get on top of me, and unfortunately I fell back into old habits and have had a tough month. However, from today, things have changed. I've finally got confirmation of counselling, and I'm almost done setting up a debt management plan. Fingers crossed that I make it this time.
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