Day 2

Still in shock and can't believe that I've done it again, the story is always the same. I am able to get 1 or 2 months clean till the pain begins to subside, i then go on a bender usually win a small amount which entices me to keep playing, then end up cleaning up my savings yet again. It's painful, because I know you can't win in the long run. But i tell myself i'll just make back last weeks paycheck then i'll stop. But the excuses keep coming. I don't stop, and when I lose, I'll chase losses until the very last drop of money is gone. Lose a dollar, no big deal to most people, but to me I'd spend $1,000,000 just to try and make that dollar back. Gambling is sickening to me, back in the early stages of my addiction I even won back more than I had lost. A massive insurmontable thing. And yet I still played and continued to lose that and then some. Why do I continue to play, shouldn't I have realised then that beating the casinos/bookies isn't doable. I'm only 20 years old, and when I was young I used to dream about becoming a professional poker player. Since I turned 18 all my savings, my pride, my energy and my time has been poured into these gambling firms. I'm sick of being broke, i'm sick of the excuses i tell people when they ask why I can't do x, y or z because I have no money. I'm even on holiday with my family, and yet I've still managed to pour over $1500 down the drain, all in a matter of minutes trying to win back $20. I'm done. I can't keep doing it anymore. I've seen my grades suffer, i've seen myself turn into a person i'm not, and i'm sick of funding the wallets of some big wigged ceo. Managed to get through day 1, and currently on day 2. I have to redirect focus back to my uni grades, and the hobbies that once made me happy. Sorry for this rant, and the lack of proper grammar/structure. Just wanted to get everything out of my mind as quick as i could.