Hello my name is Anjelica,
I came to this site in the early hours of Sunday morning after yet again loosing money I did not have to loose from my overdraft. I seem to have a very addictive personality and was taking C*****e for a long time when my mother was ill and I was stuck with my alcoholic father. I've always gambled and some times are worse than others, however I would definitely say I am addicted now. I believe a big factor is to not be using addiction as a form of escapism from other factors of my life. I cannot forever blame past issues, for every bad choice I choose to make within my life. Right now I'm about 36 hours into no gambling , nothing to shout about I know, however I have got the most overwhelming urge to cave in and gamble tonight, so I write this in a bid to keep busy and keep my mind on something else for a short time. Any support and advice right now would be great, I am 20 years old and want to get my life on track now before it's to late.
Thanks in advance
Anjelica x
Hi Anjelica. Id say you have everything to shout about after stopping for 36 hours, youve made a start and we all have to start somewhere and the fact that you have recognised the strong urges and come here shows that you want to stop. Stay strong, you can beat this . You'll also get support and advice here. I wish you wellx
Hello Anjelica
lots of support on here
sure you can offer others some support that your asking for?
keep posting
tri 🙂
Hi Anjelica,
It does sound like you have had a lot to bear over the past years. My mother always described stress to me as a bit like ... you have a bucket with a small hole in the bottom of it, and this is your capacity to deal with stress. You can add more water (stress) to the bucket from time to time, and slowly it will ease, as it drains out of the hole in the bottom of the bucket. However if you add more and more water to the bucket eventually you will have added more than is naturally draining out. At this point your capacity to deal with stress is overrun and the bucket overflows. When that bucket overflows we have all sorts of emotional and physical responses, and some of them might to do things that are not sensible or are harmful to us, just to escape the stress for a while.
Gambling is a harmful thing for sure. I know I used it as an escape, a release valve. All it did really was provide a very very temporary escape and then it replaced this with a more long term set of problems.
I understand you taking responsibility and saying "you cannot blame your actions on the past", thats great in terms of realising you have a problem that you have to do something about, but do not be too hard on yourself - I have come to realise that when we are feeling weak or vulnerable, when that bucket overflows addiction can get its claws into us, and from that point out you can become a passenger in the process.
You are at a turning point now. You have realised you have a problem and you have come to the right place. As a forum user said to me when I first came here, there are a lot of people here who will support you, and who understand the feelings you are going through as they have been there themselves - you are among a group of pepole now that want only to help you, and whom will not judge you.
It meant a lot to me to hear that I wasnt alone. You should know that you arent alone in this either.
Read some of the more experienced recoverees diaries here, there are some really deep personal thoughts in these, and also some great advice for people coming to terms with compulsive gambling (I am only 14 days in myself and these diaries have helped me a lot) Duncanmacs diary in particular contains a lot of things that give me hope, have a read.
This can be beaten, the proof is here on the forum.
When you mention the "urge to cave in and gamble" try to remember that you would be starting to gamble again (you have taken the decision to stop) and this would be the starrt of another perpetuating cycle. For CG's there is no "winning", as we cannot stop. All we can do is generate a stake for our next session, and eventually we will lose. This is what will happen relentlessly until we STOP. The only way to "win" is not to play.
Good luck with your recovery and stay strong.
FM
Thank you, I had done well and then pay day came so I messed up
Hi Anjelica
You aren't the first to get tempted back on pay day and unfortunately I don't think you will be the last. It's a learnt behaviour but you can put blocks in place to stop it happening again so never give up trying to stop. One lady on here spoke to her bank to block her debit card being used online. Then the triangle money, time and accessibility so you could withdraw all your cash leaving money in account to cover bills or try self excluding or blocking apps. Depends if you gamble purely on line. Anyway you can get lots of support on here and no one will judge you at all. Keep focused and keep trying
Take care and best wishes
Cheryl xxx
hey anjelica, im in the same position as you and im 22 years old, i feel like i need a friend for support. iv always read that you need other people to help with gambling and iv got no one. i was thinking maybe we could help each other, beat gambling together. x
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