dazed one

Hello darling...may i come in? 🙂

Hope all is good with ya girl and you keep keeping on. Never forgotten always in my little pocket 🙂

((((((( Carla ))))))

S x

Thanks V and Sandra,

Your support means a lot. I'm not in a good way mentally. Had a cig today again and am on my 3rd beer... doing what I said I wouldn't but work just gets to me. It's the bloody 'higher ups"... not the ones I work with directly. My work is challenging but I know I'm good at what I do (and I'm not being arrogant...my attitude is that you can always improve) but the reality is that some of the higher ups are bullies. I don't deal with that well. And my bro in law gave me grief... and... and... and.... it's life and I'm not handling it well. I don't know. I have this feeling that something is going to give soon. I'm living someone else's life. The old me would know what to do and how to do it. where have I gone?

Hey Carla ..

I hear ya ..the OFP s ..(other f*****g people ) also the bane of my life too which is why I got rid of a lot of "hangers on"even members of my own family that I realised I didn't even like ! ..I don't do "duty" any more.

I don't think anyone I know really copes with life well but we all have individual crutches to get us through the day in varying degrees.

I also lost my old self which is a fighter which provides the rocket fuel to convert to confidence.Self doubt is my nemesis.

If you can tap back into the real you and look at what you have outgrown.? Maybe it's more about seeing what needs shedding from your life that's holding you back and not that you need to do more?

Decluttering people who drag you down could help you see more clearly and find you again.

I think we all put up some kind of smokescreen to block out what we don't want to see...get rid of who or what's in front of you Hun that's blocking your path.I promise you you won't be alone.

R and D xx

Hello my baby girl 🙂

Firstly would like to say a word to that beast which got into you my friend. - " You f****g ugly, selfish and destroying beast - LEAVE MY FRIEND CARLA ALONE !!!!!!!!!!

Now...darling, i can imagine how you feel, but as our friend Rachel just said, you are not alone...you will never be alone, so please don't even think of givin up!! ( that's the order by the way 🙂 )

Got some special words below for you my fighter, please read carefully xxx

"Yesterday I stood looking at my face in the mirror, staring at myself in actual amazement.

I looked older, my hair looked tired, and the sparkle that once shined in my eyes as a child had faded. There was a seriousness that had taken its place. At that moment, a sense of urgency and determination was awakened in me. That face in the mirror was changing right in front of me. I could have told myself it was just a bad hair day, but deep inside I knew that this was a transition I needed to face, literally.. face to face. I smiled at myself with one of those you-don't-look-so-bad kind of smiles, but that didn't work. So I tried to make my smile bigger and brighter, hoping to find a renewed spirit somewhere, but that didn't help either. This was my wake-up call- time to start doing the things I want to do, time to think about making some changes, time to get my life going. And it wouldn't hurt to run a comb through my hair, too!

As you awaken to the changes that are surrounding your life, you must also stop and reminisce about your past. Who you are is an accumulation of everything that you once were, the total sum of each and every thought you have ever had and every single feeling you have ever known. Change is what keeps us constantly striving to be more than we were before. Life shines brightly for those who experience the changes they are given.

Life is the interaction of all things, and we must learn to respect everyone, as we all will journey in different directions. To accept life as a passage through time is to understand that people will indeed fulfill their own destinies as they travel the roads only they alone can travel.

Let your life be an adventure...look for the invisible, listen to the silences, touch your imagination, and make each day something special.

You are your life, and by believing in change, you are believing in yourself and everything that you will be."

You are in my thoughts....always

Please be kind to yourself and keep visiting this site..it helps, .....just come, shout ,swear, let it all out...You are a soldier which never gives up.....and we maybe ( just maybe ) can *** a joke or two 🙂 It's always better for the heart to smile xx 🙂

S x

P.s. got this message from my best friend, and just really deep from my heart want to tell you:

"Depression,anxiety and panic attacks are NOT a sign of weakness. They are signs of having tried to remain strong for way too long. Did you know that 1 in 3 of us will go through this at some point in our lives? let those who struggle to know they're not alone, and they are loved and surrounded by a lot of people who care!!

Maybe way off the street here for you darling, so apologize upfront... just want you to know, i understand and we always here if you need to talk or let emotions out.

Be kind to yourself

(((((( Carla )))))

S x

Hello Carla

Sorry not been on in a while, been so busy with one thing and another 🙁

I am hear to cheer you up now, so come on lady pick yourself up and dust yourself down. You are better than this ? i know it, i can see it in your writing call it intuition or what ever, just i know.

So i will keep coming on here now and badgering you 🙂 take care of yourself, life is a bicth and then we have a better life ? SURELY ?

Dark Place

Just checking in...((((((( Carla ))))))

Drop us a line girl...worried about u xx

S x

Please don't worry but thanks for caring. I'm still here. When I'm not busy, I'm just not motivated to do anything... bouncing between feeling angry, depressed or exhausted! Still getting ridiculous amounts of snow here so lots of shovelling again and have also brought a fair bit of work home this weekend. I suppose this is a good thing as it forces me to do something. Promise to catch up eventually but until then, know that I also think of my gam care buds and do so appreciate the support.

Back to u sweetie (((( Carla ))))

Get that b... from the basement to help u darling!! Look after urself 😉

Always here when u need or want to talk xx

Sandra x

Thanks for the hug - just what I needed.

We can get through this !!!

xxx

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCwlEnuXYsE&sns=em

Xx

Just a fly by.....((((( Carla )))))

Never forgotten always close in my thoughts xx

Hey Carla,

I indeed must be too much for you and others here...but after a little debate with myself i decide to go with my heart and put few thoughts down..

Since your last post i am concerned about you darling. Just want you to know you don't have to fight it by yourself. I don't know you, you don't know me, but we shared our good bad and the ugly in this journey so far.i don't need to see people to know what they are like. You always talk from your heart and i really appreciate it. I really hope my prayers reached God and you finding a way out of this mess and reaching calmer waters.

I know it's tough, it's s**t it is impossible to resist the evil habit sometimes, but i also know that you got such a strong spirit and can do it.

Really wish you to find that peace and calmness with yourself, and just to let you know, always here to listen, have a laugh, cry, and share a bit of anger and frustration 🙂 we are humans not for a fun of it 🙂

Merry Xmas sweetie, will never forget your kind heart and soul and hope to see you on a radar soon 🙂

Hugs Hun ((((((((( Carla ))))))))

Crazy Sandra...which losing the plot at this cold time of the year 🙂 xxxx

Feel for ya with the snow shoveling and yeah feel your pain cause been shoveling a load myself. LOL hope all is well with ya girl.

Thank you all. I feel undeserving of the support at the moment. Got paid on Friday and blew it again. I ended up having to call the debt management program lady and had to ask her to stop my January payment from going through. This is allowed only once. Two weeks off now and will probably spend it staring at the ceiling. Sandra, please don't worry! I know I'll snap out of it eventually. I'm not feeling very energetic so I'll have to preserve what little energy I do have for the snow shovelling I have to do! If I don't come back to the forum over the next few days, I do wish everyone as Merry a Christmas can be.