dazed one

Hello Carolyn,

Thank you for letting us now you keep fighting as much as you can. Merry Xmas for you too darling...hope next year will be a turning point to the better life for you.

Take care of yourself...only you can do it !! Xxxx

S x

Thank you Sandra and all my dear gc supporters.... Just popping in to wish you all a heartfelt very Merry Christmas. I've been in quite the depressed mood lately but other than the fact that Rudolf's red nose fell off (my favourite Christmas pin which I forgot to remove from a blouse before laundering), I am somehow feeling more positive today. I'm wishing the very best for every single one of us for 2014.

He's in the UK now!!!! You guys are so lucky. I have to wait until morning.

http://www.noradsanta.org/

Hey sweetie,

Good to read you are feeling better. My prayers working it's magic 🙂

Not be long girl..countdown for you!!

Have a peaceful Xmas Carla, take it all in with your spirit and ur heart

(((((( Carla ))))))

S x

Thanks for the post Carla. Best wishes and Merry Christmas! You are the first person I have 'spoken' to on Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas Carla, thank you for your caring posts. i am still alive or more like a zombie trying to get a grip of this sickening addcition. Today is the 7th day since i last gambled, how long do i last this time.

Happy to hear your feeling more positive, wishing you best wishes over the festive period.

Dark Place x

Hello Carla,

Just checking in and hope all is good with ya.

Hope the snow stopped falling down and you can have well deserved rest from shuvelling.

((((( Carla ))))))

S x

Glum... and dumb... and humilitated. Have almost nothing to live on until the end of Jan. Why, oh why don't I learn? Why can't I be one of the success stories on this forum? Will also have to suffer through this without my other vices. No choice but to do this. Am forcing myself to post this.

Carla,

I AM SORRY., but get ur f*****g a**e back here posting!!! You did so good just recently..why??? Was it couse you stayed close by??

I want to help you, don't turn ur back at us.YOU CAN DO THIS!!!PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE..let us drag u out of this s**t...

Sorry darling........sorry..i just want to help..please please ...u did it before..believe in urself

Xx..i can help u and i will..if u ready to accept it...

Just wish you happy New Year girl...i will never give up on you.

Take care

S x

I did so good recently? I've been thinking about that. No. I haven't done that well. Yes, some progress with abstaining from the doob. I didn't replenish my supply which ran out mid October but I did accept a J given to me by a friend (a big one which I made last an entire week) and I did partake on a couple of other social occasions. I did manage to give up cigs entirely for a bit better than 30 days and though I've only bought two packs since mid Oct, I've also bought and bummed off colleagues, friends and strangers. I've also been having more and more drink despite the promises made to myself about that and despite some incredible episodes of heartburn, one of which had me almost dialing for an ambulance..... but I finished that beer! Lastly... gambling. f#@K. I get paid before any holiday so I got my Jan pay early. I paid most of my bills but not all before heading to the casino. I then contact the debt management people and tell them I can't make my Jan payment. I manage to get a one time reprieve on that and feel so relieved because I'll have money for food and then what do I do?? I fricken gamble that away too. I've been on these bloody antidepressants for almost 4 months and I've never felt so depressed in my life (even before the last gambling episode). As far as gambling goes.... years and years on the forum and NO PROGRESS. And I lied about feeling more positive too! I was and am just miserable.... about pretty much every aspect of my life. I hate the thought of people worrying about me and yet I do worry about others. I know I have to fight but it's so f@#ken hard. I want a cig soooo bad. I want a drink soooo bad. I want a P**f soooo bad and I want my money back from that evil ... no... I want an endless supply of money to while away my life in the casino. It disturbs me how much I want these things esp since I don't know if I'll make it through the month with enough gas for my car and food to eat. Jeesh. EVERY time I get money in hand I gamble it. EVERY month I find myself scimping and scrounging to make it. I've never been this bad though. Usually I make it to mid month but this time the month hasn't even started. So.... doing better? Nope.

Hi girl

I don't gamble but i work my a**e off to pay my bills and food.. Yea, i had s**t days mate, counselling bringing all the s**t from the past, xmas...where i gave in for one drag of weed...which nearly killed me!!!

You did it before, i don't give a s**t if u smoke, drink of whatever...stop the f*****g cycle girl!!!. You are better than this and you know it...don't let this f****g beast get hold of u...there are people who cares, and i am one of them...i hate it at the minute, but i want you safe and happy...get the help u are offered!!! I am serious...don't dissapear...couse it hurts for u and many of us here...get a grip woman!!! YOU ARE WORTH IT-!!!!

S xxxxxx

You can do better if u want to.....please do it for urself xx

Let me help you...please...i offered u before..let me drag u out of this s**t...

X

Keep venting sweetheart..we are here..anytime xx

Please look after urself x

Thanks for the post Carla, best wishes for 2014 and sorry to read you are not doing too well in your recovery and hope things improve next year.

You asked about my being a loner due to circumstances -

For the record (although this has very little to do with gambling issues other than that gambling ticks the box re it being something you can do alone) I am an only

child and spent much of my time growing up alone and

have preferred my own company a lot of the time.

I'm not suggesting all only children are loners but that's how it worked for me. I had no father or cousins or anything like that growing up either.

Yes I have had groups of friends for periods over the years but none very long lasting and the last group disintegrated over 20 years ago with our lives and careers going in different directions.

I have become more insular and introvert over the years. I don't have a wide area of subjects I am interested in and conversation in groups is a problem for me, I just keep quiet and let others talk and then feel uncomfortable and go home as soon as possible. I am fine talking 1 to 1 with someone within the boundaries of my limited subjects.

As I say very little of this is linked to my gambling problems but I find does make it a bit more difficult in a world of life after gambling to engage in things which involve other people.

Carla I agree with most of your thoughts but I believe we all have a foundation from our formative years which forces us to live within certain boundaries and forms aspects of our character which can be almost impossible to alter no matter if we want to.

(I don't mean that to read negatively, there are always aspects which stand us in good stead and make us who we are and which we wouldn't change for the world)

Glad you found the article helpful. Wish you the best for the year ahead.

-Alex