Dear Diary....

Well done on 22 days gamble free! 🙂

Jodie x

Thank you Jodie. 🙂

Day 23 and still feeling good. I tried to log on to my one remaining gambling site today, definitely not to gamble but to self-exclude permanently (my 6-month exclusion period due to end soon). I was so pleased to find that it was blocked completely - did not even have the K9 warning message. So I feel 'shriven' now and free, free, free!

Best wishes to all - we can do it!

Joanna

Well done Joanna !!

Thank you Redeemed - your cash stash sounds really good. I wonder what you will use it for in the summer? At the moment I am simply enjoying not being in overdraft-land but will gradually try to emulate you and save for some treats. I'm thinking of taking up fencing (but not the garden variety....).

All the best,

Joanna

Hi Joanna I just wanted to read your diary, you have been very helpful for me, so I just wanted to get an insight into where you are at in recovery, you are doing really well. Congrats. I also just wanted to see where gambling had brought you from and taken you too. I feel you have quit gambling for good as I have this time (six years of wasted funds) 8 days of gamble free, most people on here feel better straight away for posting, i just can't get any positivity into my life even when I post on here. I feel I have lost a life i created for myself. Will it ever return ? Anyway you are doing great, post soon .

Ah, Spaingone, I was really touched by your message - thank you so much.

In some ways I feel a bit of a fraud because I have not had to face such devastating consequences from gambling as some fellow-travellers on here. They, and I suspect you, have been so much more courageous than I have had to be. However, I had been caught in the online gambling trap for about five years and was letting money slip through my fingers - money I could not afford to lose as I am on a limited income. The mad thing is that when I was working (would you believe that this dimwit has diplomas and degrees coming out of her ears?) and had more money, I did not gamble. I can only think that in some crazy way I thought I could 'earn' a monthly income from online slots. How wrong can you be?

However a few weeks ago I had an epiphany and saw how ridiculous the whole shebang was and that I was simply boosting the wealth of all those who run these sites.

To my family, Mum's online 'bingo' was a bit of a joke - I never, and probably will never, admit to them how much it had got out of hand. That is why I admire you and others so much - having to face family members and confess. I have bottled out of that one.

Please don't think though that I am a pampered pooch with no idea of suffering or hardship - my childhood was far from ideal - a loving mother but a terrible father (nuff said) and have had to face other trials and tribulations in family life. However I am a born optimist (probably not such a good thing for gamblers!) and believe in playing the hand we are dealt with to the best advantage and marching onwards - "Aux armes, citoyens!"

Spaingone, from the tone of your writing I can see that you have inner strength which perhaps even you don't recognise. I feel your pain, and sincerely hope you will get through this bad time and come through into the sunshine. The fact that you are able to communicate your feelings and empathise with others is proof of your humanity and tenacity - I know you will triumph in the end.

Forgive the ramble - had not intended to write my autobiography, but you did ask!:-)

Best thoughts,

Joanna x

Hi Joanna, keep up the good work.

Thank you for your post, Redeemed. It's comforting to know that we have such similar stories; I used to think about friends of mine who would be horrified to learn of my grubby little secret and would never dream of online gambling, but having read so many stories on here I have come to realise that gambling, along with all other addictions, can affect every one of us, regardless of education, cultural background or financial circumstances. We can never know what lies hidden behind a seemingly well-balanced and confident exterior.

The most I ever won (just before seeing the light) was £1,400 - I was delighted as it went a long way to clearing my overdraft. At the time I was too dumb to realise that my overdraft existed because of gambling!

Take care - we can do this!

Joanna

Day 24:

"Oh! What a tangled web we weave

When first we practice (sic) to deceive!"

(Sir Walter Scott)

Enjoying my tangle-free life...

Congratulations on continuing on the right path Joanna, gambling adds layers of complications upon layers of lies upon layers of self deceit.

Hope things continue in this way for you, and for many moons to come.

Ryan

tangled free sounds good

not sure my life will ever be tangle free but its certainly less tangled

thanks baggins

Thank you Ryan; thank you triangle.

Day 26 - another exhausting Play Doh-filled day with the grandchildren. Normally I would be winding down (oh yeah?) with some online slot activity, but glad to report that it's becoming a dim, distant memory.

Good wishes to all in our struggle.

J

Day 27. Feeling good.

An observation: isn't it great to see people giving good advice to newcomers just a few days or so after their own first posts, often expressing deep despair? What a testament to the healing powers of this site.

Best wishes to all for the weekend and coming week.

Joanna

Hi Joanna, congratulations on staying strong and positive for another week. It feels good as the days mount up, doesn't it?

I too identify with your comments regarding gambling's disregard for class, s*x or education. People actually come to me for advice (financial and in life) and I'd like to think I am a logical, educated well rounded individual. People who know me would not recognise me when the red mist of gambling takes over. I am unwilling to admit my problem in the real world because I suspect it would nuke my life in ways I couldn't come to terms with.

Anyway, I'm rambling. Have a great, gamble free weekend.

Thank you NoCrisis. To paraphrase George Orwell: "Rambling good - gambling bad."

You are absolutely right about 'the red mist' of gambling which blots out any ability to think logically about what we are doing. And yes, for those of us who have been unwilling or unable to admit our problem to friends or family, we have a split-personality as someone else mentioned in their post. Hopefully with the help of this site and the great people on here we can get back to being 'whole' again.

Best wishes

Joanna - Day 28 of sanity.