DГ©sormais......

Yo,

Ok firstly it happened , does not need to lead to full blown relapse

Secondly on previous history you usually disappear and post a week or two later

But not this time , straight back to fight the good fight

Nothing more worth frightening but you know that already .

Shiny xxxx

Ade

my friend shiny is right fella, the working progress is a thing you craft yourself, bespoke, each time you get a puncture you have to fix it, and through your returning to the forum you fix it quicker.

So time to shovel some more sand, me i will gladly lend a hand.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Yo

Hope you are ok

Don't be a stranger

Shiny xx

Thanks Shiny, Duncs (you may have blown my cover! lol) and Shiny have again! for your supportive posts.

My head is in a bit of a spin at the moment.

Having gambled quite recklessly in Jan and Feb, and chased losses with the ususal sad outcome that always follows I inevitably found my way back to this forum.

My whole personality changes when I gamble. I am a totally different being.

After my losses I needed a focus and some way of not gambling even more. I like to read, so I took a trip to waterstones and purchased a couple of books. The first one I read virtually without putting down. Entitled "A life too short" - It's an book about the tragedy of Robert Enke - a german goalkeeper that commited suicide at the age of 31. A tragic story of how depression can affect anyone and how this kind 'normal' talented individual battled with his demons on a daily basis. His talent was there for all to see. But he had depressive moods that led him to take his own life in tragic circumstances.

One line in his book, which is written by Ronald Reng - a close friend of his, quotes Robert as saying... "if you had my head for just one day, you would understand how I feel".....

I can really relate to this. I have never been sucidal, but sometimes I have had such a build up of pressure in my head/brain that it disturbs me. During these times I invariably gamble or partake in self-destructive hobbbies.

The other book that I am reading is - PLEASURE - by Daid J Linden. It's about how our brains make junk food, exercise, marijuana, generosity and gambling feel so good....

It deals with dopamine and the brains reward system. Addiction and how the pursuit of pleasure is one of the most powerful sources in the human brain.....

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi

have also been diagnosed with the well known symptoms of pressure cooker head and after three months build up blew a gasket last week so back to square one.

Would be so good to find a method of slow release to prevent the build up.

Also like reading and was given a kindle which is brill as have had to put all my books in storage.

Remember reading recently about a surrey cricketer who also commited suicide at a very young age and I guess the idea of being in someones head for a day is a bit like the old saying of walking in someones shoes. That has to be the value of this site where others can and do appreciate the effects of this madness and the difficulty everyone faces on a daily basis.

I am sure the reading will be successful in focusing you away so do tell if you read anything you would recommend.

xxx

Thanks for the supportive post Rainbows end.

Feeling stronger today. Back at work, and back in some kind of routine.

Getting through today without gambling will make me feel better and hopefully more positive thoughts will return to my head again.

Maintaining some kind of focus is still hard for me, even after years of trying to arrest my problem. Good days and bad days I guess.

Keep strong all

Ade

MW

Sorry to hear that last weekend was tough.

Is there anyone you could call or text when you feel the pressure to bet start to rise?

Hope today went well.

Take care and stick in.

Gazza

Thanks for the post Gazza.

Not really. I tend to deal with this alone. I have told several people. Some of them get it, and some of them don't.

Over the last two days I have struggled with my compulsive behaviour.

I am off work today with my children and plan to spend a day having fun, maybe go swimming and be 'normal'.

I don't need to gamble to be happy. It's just a very bad habit, that no matter how bad it leaves me feeling at times, there is always a feeling inside me to drift back to it.

Trying to stay positive.

Keep strong all

Ade

Hi Ya Magic Wand,

I can totally relate. Hang in there hun. It's a daily battle for me and sometimes a minute by minute battle. We can do this! I am reading and supporting you. -joanxxxx

Yo,

I know the weekends are more of a challenge to you .

So just wanted to send you a bit of support .

Take care , stay strong Hun

Shiny xx

Thanks Joan and Shiny for your support.

Been busy already today getting breakfast ready for kids before another trip to the swimming pool. Went swimming yesterday then came home, had lunch, did a 500 piece jigsaw, dinner, roller skating (kids, not me!) then bed by 10!

Today is a toughy. The old GN is all around me. Like Joan said, it's a battle every minute of every day at times. Strong then weak. Driven then frail.

I just want/need that middle lane to keep me safe. Snap my f*****G indicators off so I cannot/will not veer off course!!

Last night as I closed my eyes, I actually wondered what it would be like to not wake up. At least I would not have to put up with this constant mindf*ck that follows me around in my head each day. What a perverse way of thinking. Both selfish and completely out of character with me.

I had just had a pleasant day with my kids, but I felt like that?!?!...

Ade

Magic if it makes you feel any better I have wondered that but the sensible side of me says yes but your life will get better and it will get easier there are a lot of people in a lot worse situation than me,hope you have a good weekend and enjoying you and your kids time.

Take care

The bear x

Hi there,

I knew that was you!! :)!! and so glad you came back!!! Same as you, I'm just taking it a step at a time. I too am staying busy and keeping my eye on the real prize. Sobriety and the self respect that comes along with it! Take Care and have a great day. Am here and supporting you all the way! -joanxxx

Hi mw,

I didn't realise it was you lol. Sounds like your going through the mill at the moment and I know how tough that can be. I sort of hit a brick wall early this year with moods and some of the feelings that you describe so I went to the doctors and explained how I was feeling, I have never been a tablet taker I see it as a weakness which is stupid as asking for help is a sign of strength, I'm 3 months into the tablets and feeling great, sometimes our bodies just need a kick start to get us back on track.

I am just sharing my experience with you, hope it helps.

Keep going mw, you are and have always been made of strong stuff.

Take care

Blondie x

MW

Stay strong today mate. Forget about the GN.

Tune instead to find out how The Arsenal are getting on!

Your day sounds a bit like mine,wouldn't change a thing,would you?

Best wishes,

Gazza