Desperate need of help

Hi. ..firstly I would advise you to ring the helpline....chatting with somebody one to one is great to get it all off you're chest...they won't judge you....they'll listen and support you....
Your wife's going to have to know love....it will all come out in the end...it always does....like you..I was petrified of telling my hubby about my addiction....and to be honest I didn't spill it to him for a while....I sought advise ...got blocks in place to stop me playing slots. ..spoke to creditors...all before hubby was in the picture.....and yes of course he was shocked....angry...confused etc...but he actually was much more understanding than I thought he would be....as we're other family members and close friends I chose to tell....and once my secret was out .....life immediately became more manageable. ....because I was regaining some control back in my life.....it really is little steps at a time. ....it won't all become perfect over night.....the money can be sorted.....you won't beleive that at this moment....but it can love. ...there's always a way. ..
Make that call to the helpline...x

Thanks for the reply.

I spoke to the helpline, and they put me in touch with a local counsellor.

The major thing I’m worried about is my job. Am I going to get fired if I’ve got this illness, as I now know that’s what it is?

Hi judge my honest opinion is you should be honest. You should tell your employer. Find a GA meeting asap. If this goes to court you may find that the judge makes attendance at meetings part of your 'conditions'. You also need to tell your wife. Don't let her be surprised by your 'sacking'. I'm not saying that any of this will definitely lead to court, but it could. You need to be prepared and support from family especially your wife will help you. As for the gambling, you need to accept the money is gone. You will never win it back. Your addiction has got a real grip on you and lead you to extremes of behaviour. In the long term this could and will continue if you don't seek help today. Hopefully others will comment who have far more experience than me. Also the best place to talk about finances and the inability to pay your bills is stepchange. If you act today and try to make amends this will help your case. Not telling and waiting for their decision will not help you.

Thanks, Merry

I’m going to see my GP today as I think I’ve got a genuine mental illness.

Should I tell them everything?

My husband went to gp and they advised GA. He also has major mental health problems. Which came first?? Get your head together, tell them if you choose, it won't hurt. If you want the right help then you need to be honest.

Morning Judge.
So sorry to hear that youve got yourself in such a place from this terrible addiction.
I dont know what line of work your in but i agree it would be best to arrange a meeting and tell them everything.The reality is that you will lose your job as they may have empathy for your situation but they have to show theft in any form cannot be excused.
Get all blocks in place today and once you have told your family everything get them to have all access to money for you removed so you cannot gamble.
I know you must be in an awful place but the fact you come clean to all will ultimately save you.
I wish you all the courage to help you get through this .Please get help today and keep speaking to the Forum

Thanks all. I’m going to tell my GP first and I have a meeting with my employer on Friday.

I’m going to bear all and explain the dark place I’m in. I know they are likely to sack me, but I’d rather they had an explanation for my actions.

It is so tough admitting that I’ve got a mental illness, I didn’t think it could happen to me. It’s horrible

Judge... I'm so sorry to hear where you are. Every day will get slightly more bearable I promise you... But you need to take the right steps.

Have you told your wife everything? You need support right now so please do this if you have the strength to. Its bloody frightening to come clean but the support you get in return moving forward is priceless.

Tell your GP everything. Then they can help you properly. Tell your employer everything. I read somewhere else on this forum that employers have insurance to cover liabilities such as the one they find themselves in now... So if you use honesty as the best policy they may be sympathetic towards you... Offer to pay back money to them over time... That would be a noble gesture which shows genuine remorse. They could look favourably on that.

Get yourself to GA groups. Address your gambling addiction.

Lastly - your GP with be able to help you manage any mental health issues you may have developed as a result of excessive gambling. However if you are anything like me (I think our stories are similar) then arrest the gambling addiction at the root with the steps highlighted above and this will help to conserve your mental health. I told myself before that my mental health issues governed my gambling and alas in the future I gambled again (huge amounts) and told myself that it was the mental health issues that did it. Now I work it the other way round (as highlighted above) and I'm having way more success...

Good luck. You can get through this. Be brave and take the right steps.

If you're seeing your employer Friday and it does end in sacking (likely, sorry to say) try to establish the kind of reference they're prepared to give. Lots of employers these days will give only the basics like dates employed and position held but they are not obliged to. I'd also advise getting signed up with an agency as soon as you can. Take anything to tide you over. Unexplained gaps on a CV aren't well regarded.

I don’t think I can tell my wife. Because of my gambling I’ve been a horrible person and this would be the last straw.

About 6 years ago we were buying a house and we went through some issues with old debt against me. It got sorted, and we got the house, but she said if anything bad ever happened with finance again, that’d be it. This is why it’s such a secret and I’ve been chasing my debts.

I also don’t have any family as we’ve become so distant since I married, I’m no longer welcome by them.

I’ve let everyone down and don’t know who will give a s**t about me now. I’ve lied to everyone.

Ok I was in a similar position to you regarding my wife... I thought she'd leave but she didn't. I would hope that if she sees in your face that you have genuine remorse and you genuinely want to change then she may support you ... But ultimately it is up to you.

You're in a dark and lonely place right now but keep coming on here like you're doing... People on here give a **** about you and will try to help you through... You're not completely alone if you stay on the forums... Trust me on that.

You can beat this horrible addiction. Move forward one day at a time from here. I know it's easier said than done. If you need inspiration look at the success stories section on here. You will see that there is hope for you but it will take time and patience to yield.

Right now you should look to people who have been there and are recovering. GA groups can help loads. You can enter a 12 step recovery programme and try and beat this for good. You probably don't have any optimism right now but honesty, transparency and seeking support will see you through. Trust me. Sort your head out, somehow put blocks in place to prevent a relapse and manage the debt when your head is a bit less foggy. You can do this. Start clearing up a bit of the mess each day... That's what someone told me on here. It won't sort itself out overnight. Stay strong and believe in yourself. You can be a success story like many of the others on here.

One more thing... I'm really not trying to stoke the fire here - I'm just trying to help as best I can. We are all here because we are victims of this but...

Surely your wife is going to find out in the end if you lose your job? Or will you cover your sacking with another lie and some more deceit? I have learnt that secrets and deceit are catalysts to getting me in this situation in the first place... If you are in a win or bust situation with your wife then laying everything on the table may save your marriage. If she finds out everything through other means than yourself won't the covering up and deceit surely seal your fate? This will hurt her so much more than if you tell her what has happened and plead with her that you are finally seeking the help to overcome all this?

Please don't take any of this the wrong way. I just want you to look after yourself and start to sleep well at night again. You will feel a huge weight lifted if you can muster the strength to tell her. Ok she may leave you but... You will feel a huge weight lifted regardless. If you end up separated after this you don't need that huge weight to carry around on top of everything else. If you tell her what has happened you will be free at least of some guilt, fear and self-loathing which you are currently harbouring due to the secrets you are keeping. Releasing some of this will help loads in the battle you are about to undertake.

Anyway do what you think is right. For your wife and for you. Don't forget to think about yourself in all this. Its time to take stock of yourself and start looking after yourself too.

If you ever need to talk about anything... Just post a message on my thread and I will respond. Sorry for the 'hurtful truths' listed above but let's not hide anymore. I had a few hurtful truths thrown at me by people on here when all this first happened to me but had they not come my way there would have been every chance I would have been found in a ditch face down somewhere... Either that or hunched over a FOBT terminal at my local bookie trying to haplessly win a fortune back and sinking deeper into despair instead. I hope you understand my intentions and where I'm coming from.

Thanks, signalman. Yes, the truth hurts, but it’s absolutely what I need. I have a sick feeling in my stomach when anybody (like you) tells me that there’s support for me I just feel like such a fraud and a horrible person

I was going to see what happens with my employer on Friday, as if I lose my job then, it’s rock bottom and everything will have to come out.

As insane as it sounds, I’d be happy for her to leave me, as it means I wouldn’t be a burden to her anymore.

After speaking to my GP, they’re going to try and speed up my referral with a counsellor as I’m so distraught.

I regret ever getting into this mess and am going to take every step to sort it out. Whether that’s with my wife or alone.

Hi Judge .

The trouble with us compulsive gamblers is that were not used to being honest with anyone and that includes ourselves and I speak from experience on that one .

When I first came here I quite quickly realised that in order to move forward you have for probably the first time in many years be totaly open , honest and transparent in order to beat this addiction , gambling loves it when we hold back from the total truth as it can carry on lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce but if it's all out there then it has nowhere to hide .

If you want gto begin sorting your life out properly you need to accept that initially thing's aren't going to be great and there will be consequenses for your actions just as there were with mine and unfortunately none of us know how that's going to pan out .

What I do know is that the truth set's you free , to rebuild and to move on , It's all going to come out eventually so better at a time of your choosing than a moment caught off guard and you may just be suprised how some people will accept this ..

I wish you well buddy and will talk again soon :))