Desperate need of help

Hi mate

I'll tell you this. Some years ago I gambled loads of money and got a second job to pay back debts and save up for an engagement ring. I didn't get any emotional support at the time. I gambled again after a few months but stopped myself before it got too messy. My wife got the engagement ring but not the one I had in mind. After the engagement I gambled again.

A few years later I got into trouble again and go another evening job to acquire more money. After a year of doing it I stopped as finances were ok again then shortly after I gambled.

There was a time more recently I had an evening job to pay back smaller gambling debt and I remember gambling on my phone whilst at that job.

Today I find myself in masses of debt after gambling again. This is the first time I have sought emotional support through GA and Gamcare and the GP after gambling. This is the first time I have admitted that I am powerless over gambling and it has me licked. I have a young son now and do an evening study course so evening jobs out the question for me this time - however I am doing some small jobs for people in spare time once a week to make myself feel more comfortable financially. With the emotional support in place now and having an outlet to talk about my feelings I am feeling far more optimistic about never gambling again than the previous times.

I'm not being pessimistic about extra work - far from it - it will help with finances and keep your mind busy. However PLEASE PLEASE don't forget to keep working on yourself and reach out for as much support as you can. This is more crucial than the work and the finances. Working on yourself is the priority. When that work is being done to a high standard and a lot of effort put in the extra monetary work you do can compliment that groundwork.

Remember gambling is more powerful than you and me - change what you are doing by all means - get the extra work - but always remember changing the way you THINK is the most powerful tool you will need to reach dry land and stay on it. This will take time and patience and ongoing effort. Gambling may come for you again at some point - be ready - do the psychological work in preparation for this. Protect the extra money you will be earning if/when it comes for you - the psychological work, the GA, the Gamcare, the GP, that will be the armour you will need to protect your earnings.

If you are reading this and thinking "nah, there is no chance I will gamble again after the way it has made me feel now" just think - some years ago did you ever think you'd be writing on this forum and living with loads of debt as a result of gambling? Do we really know what the future holds?

Hi signal, take your advice and experience on board.

No, nobody ever thinks they’ll be posting on here, but I guess that’s the positive instead of being a number that couldn’t/didn’t deal with things.

I’ve given full access of all finances to my wife, all blocks are in place, I’ve cancelled my holiday to Vegas (wife is going with a friend, so that’s good news) - I know it’s earky days and my buoyant mood is due to the mental release and weight lifting, but I’m fully committed to the recovery and everlasting work that needs to be done.

That's funny mate... I just cancelled my trip to Vegas... Spooky :o)

Whilst I don’t wish what I’ve done on anyone, and the hurt, pain and problems I’ve caused aren’t funny, it’s comforting to know people understand it and fact our stories are so similar is slightly funny though.

That’s what one of the guys at GA said, is you need to focus on more positive things to help with the thoughts and being down as it will most likely lead to a dark place.

Yes mate well said.

Remember I'm about a month ahead of you in all this and i am making jokes and being light hearted (not always but in that moment I was) - I hope you can take solace from that in the hope that a month from now you'll be in the same sort of headspace, feeling less regret and more optimism.

I remember a month ago I was in no mood for jokes so as I say - its amazing what a months clean time can do for your outlook... For sure you will feel better than you do now in a month's time ;o)

Sorry to b**t in guy's but when I first came here I used humour in almost every post ( got myself in trouble on more than one occasion as well ) :(( but what I'm trying to say is that weve all been in the darkness for so long and to finally start enjoying things again including laughing at ourselves , must be a good tonic and a great sign that our spirits are lifting right ?. It's that or either " Fake it till you make it :))

I spent so many years being miserable as an active gambler that I was damm sure I was going to enjoy my recovery and take that forward with me in my gamble free life :)) .

Keep enjoying those moment's guy's and all the best to you both :)) .

Alan

Signal, how did your work meeting go?

Hey mate good to hear from you.

I hope you're well and new job meeting your expectations so far.

Regarding mine the management have been really supportive to my cause as the individuals I have grievance with have form when it comes to bullying in the workplace. However I am at fault to a certain extent for allowing it to go on for so long and letting it become engrained in the working practice... I accept that. Now I am looking after myself I have put a stop to it... Better late than never.

Also I have had to surrender in a couple of situations post-greivance, they have put me on shifts with a mate of mine for the foreseeable. That's great but they turned on me last week as in the heat of the moment I'd said some derogatory things about the team in general and this person took offence when she heard from others what I had said. I've realised sometimes you have to surrender for the greater good... I need to secure my job for my wife and child so I apologised to them even though I didn't mean it.

Also I'm giving my boss a hard time about everything as I feel vulnerable and angry that this wasn't dealt with sooner (as mentioned these people have form) but I also need to stop this as this is blatant projection from me due to the frustration at my financial situation.

One day at a time from here on in. Until things settle down. Then hopefully I'll start enjoying myself there again.

Feel for you that it’s so up and down when you need stability.

Mine’s going good thanks. I’m back in a role that I enjoyed before a career change nearly 5 years ago. I’m busy, surrounded by people who are on my level and I’m enjoying it.

Not to make excuses, but I think in my last job, it was quiet quiet and mundane which allowed me time to think about and gamble.

To be fair, I’ve had very rare thoughts of gambling these past few weeks, and when I have, they aren’t positive or a need to.

Keep your head up about work mate, positivity is key.

Hey man.

Good to hear about the work. Great news.

Hey don't worry i've been told gambling thoughts are ok - its the gambling urges that you need to watch for and get yourself to a meeting if they come for you. How's GA going by the way?

Thanks for the advice about positivity. I've been starting a lot of arguments lately so if anything I need to curb my temper in order to maintain positivity in my life. I've figured out that winning an argument could be a diluted feeling to winning a bet for me... So I've surrendered to gambling now and this consequently means I should surrender to winning... No more gambling, no more raws!

Stay on top dude. You've come a hell of a long way since the foggy zombified days when we first met each other on here ;o) I'm talking about both of our mind states by the way :o)