Desperate to stop - I can't afford to fail

Hiya mate

i am exactly the same

a day doesnt go by when I am not betting on football/racing etc

i cannot stop

Hi

Back in 1971 I was new to recovery meetings.

I was filled with so much pain fear and frsutrations.

No matter when my last bet going to meetings was a life saver.

Each time I went back to gambling I got to understand what my last emotional trigger was.

It seemed impossible to hand over all of m finacnces to my wife but I did it.

I was given each day a certain amount of cash to cover snacks and drinks of coffee.

There is nothing healthy about hating my self and causing my self more pains than I was already living in.

The recovery program for me was about healing my pains.

The recovery program for me was about reducung and facing my fears.

The recovery program for me was about nto reacting in such unhealthy ways toewards my self ro other people.

The recovery program for me was about not being the  loner living in so many fears.

The recovery program for me was about stopping procrastinating writing down my needs m wants and my goals.

I am a non religious person and am no longer the scared hurt little child I use to be.

Being in the recovery program I got to understand that the addictions and obsessions only indicated that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Today I can show my lofe towards my self and other people.

Today I no longer feel guilt or shame because of unhealthy I use to be.

Today I no longer calling my self names.

In the meetings where there were deep seated therapies I got to know my self much better.

In the meetings is where my fears reduced and my trust grew.

Just  for today I do not want or need to gamble.

I no longer have hatred in my heart.

Today I am learning to love and respect my self.

In the recovery program I got to be a person who is an equal to all people in the recovery.

In the recovery program I got to be a person I can laugh at my self.

My gambling was a form of self abuse.

My gambling was a complete waste of time.

Just  for today I will be the healthiest person productive person I can be.

Just  for today I will be the healthiest spirtual person I can be.

Healing and peace and love to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

Hi Luke

Firstly, welcome to the GamCare forum.  It's great that you have posted and thank you for being so open and honest.

Sorry to hear about your situation with gambling at present.  I have direct lived experience of gambling harms and have felt similar in the past.  A diary or journal is a great idea in terms of accountability and we have peer supporters available on the forum on a daily basis, should you have any questions.

If you feel there is anything specific you need help with or would like to hear more about our services, please let us know.

Try and remember to be kind to yourself and I hope day 1 has treated you well.

I look forward to keeping updated with your diary entries!

Thanks

Cabe

You can do it just one day at a time.rl remember  a day not gambling  offers you peace  and protection  and been able to sleep.if you gamble win or lose your peace  of mind is gona and no matter how good we think  we are in the end we always  lose.if we win it's just a lend that we pay back 10 fold. 

Stay strong and wish you well 

Remember if you win, you will just lose it back later. It's not worth it. Get  blocks in place. Good luck. 

Hi everyone, and thank you to everyone who commented. I've not been receiving notifications whenever I receive a reply - so I must admit - I didn't think I had any responses! It means a lot, genuinely.

So far, so good. I haven't gambled. Gambling really is a waste of time, money and energy. I can't establish in my own mind what positives it actually brings and I'm beginning to think my gambling is also a form of self-harm. I really need to learn to love myself, but I feel so 'behind' in life that, at times, I can't see any other way out than to gamble to accelerate my life - even though I know it just pushes the finish line further away.

I've booked in to talk to someone and frozen my card to limit any further damage. I've demolished my savings which I feel utterly sickened by, but there are more important things than money - I need to sort my head out to stop this recurring.

Now that I know people are engaging with this diary I'll try my best to post daily.

Stay strong, everyone.