Diary

I started gambling in January. Won £490 off of £10 then kept on going, before I knew it I was up at 1am when my wages went in and spending the full ammount trying to win. (2K at a time, had to take out bank loans etc to pay bills) Long story short I was already working 40 hours a week and spent every penny I earned gambling. I’ve had to take on a second job and I work 20 hours a week there. I barely get to be at home and see my dog and my boyfriend and have to make excuses about where all my money is going. I did manage to stop gambling in July and I am now paying out £400 a month to debts purely from gambling, apart from payday loans at £50 a month total (these are being paid off over 4 years) I will have all the rest of my gambling debt off by the 1st of August 2019, I’m killing myself working so much but I can not wait until the day comes that most of this is paid off. I am living off of barely anything and having to pretend that everything is fine. I was supposed to have a great year and had a lot of plans to go to weddings and things and this has ended up being the worst year of my life. I had a slight relapse last month because even though I have blocked myself from online gambling there is now raffle pages on Facebook at £20 a number to win £100, I wasted £200 on this and then said STOP. I was getting bombarded with messages from gambling sites and debt companies and pay day loan companies so I went and got a new phone and new number so that apart from the £400 a month coming out of my bank for debt I can try and move on. I’m a 26 year old girl and I am very concerned about the effect these Facebook pages are causing for girls like me - some have never gambled before and are spending £300 a day and having nothing left for a month.

Welcome to the recovery diaries Lisa. It is good to see your positive, determined attitude. The addiction may come along masquerading as a friend but you know perfectly well that it is no friend of yours.

Now you are here amongst genuine friends. Fellow travellers who are battling the same addiction. We have all suffered through gambling and have decided to turn our backs on it and walk away. However, the addiction doesn't want to let us go which is why we take practical steps to help us when we are particularly vulnerable. These steps can include 1/ Self Exclusion 2/ Having little or no access to money 3/ Being open and honest with loved ones regarding our addiction.

In time to come you will be able to re-read your diaries and be proud that you fought back and regained control of your life. You certainly have the courage, desire and understanding that is needed on this very difficult journey. It won't be easy but you can do it. Best wishes from stephen.

Hey Stephen,

Thanks so much for your support, you've helped me feel strong today 🙂

I pay all my bills as soon as I get paid now, then I pay £57 direct debit to a holiday which i have booked for next september (this should be my first month debt free) and my other direct debits for my debt payment. I was leaving my spending money for food/petrol etc in my account but my plan now is to empty my bank account after these things are paid which is all done the day my pay goes in and keep my money in my purse - I would never gamble in person with cash so if my accounts empty I can't do it at all. hoping this is going to work well

I gambled £5 today on a raffle my friend posted and I won £65. Wasn’t even that bothered about the win I was more upset that I had gambled to begin with? I’m struggling with what’s acceptable and what’s not? There’s been several raffles posted tonight after the one I entered and won and I don’t want to and have not entered any of them. Is £5 every now and again ok if I can control it or is that just me giving in and making excuses?!Going to leave my phone in the house and take my dog for a walk round the block now as I feel a bit guilty.

Lisa, I think if you were able to control your gambling (eg £5 every now and again) then you wouldn’t be on this forum in the first place. I think for people like ourselves, it’s an all or nothing mentality when it comes to gambling. Besides, I don’t think it’d be right for anyone to say it’s ok for you to spend £5 every now and again, simply because it could send out the wrong message to other users on the forum. Only you know deep down whether you could control it or not.

You are a million % correct and I realised this myself while I was out walking. I actually felt horribly guilty even after winning so it’s time to stop for good. Wish me luck 🙁

Feeling good today, I bought some trousers I have been wanting and finished my xmas shopping. Left myself enough money for plenty food and petrol until I get paid on the 31st of December, its out the bank and in my purse so NO more raffles for me

Thankyou so much 🙂 x

Hi Lisa thanks for stopping by my diary, means a lot! You're doing all the right things and just take each day as itcomes Sx

9 days GF!!

10 days gamble free and have never felt better! Had an amazing Xmas, my purse is full of money and I have not wasted a single penny

Well done Lisa, keep up the good work!

JW

Well done keep going x

SO ANNOYED WITH MYSELF!!! Spent £3 on a raffle and won £100, wasted £60 of it on raffles and bought my mum lunch with the rest, removed myself from the page again. Was bored as I was in bed with the flu 🙁 sake. Why do I keep doing this