Diary 1st entry, Repeatedly letting down everyone who has supported me.....one day ill lose everything

Please let us have an update. I am concerned that you have had another relapse over the last few days. Please check this site everyday and update us as often as possible even if only to say how many days you have been gamble-free for. Good luck.

Hi guys

No relapses I'm pleased to announce, I've just had a very busy few days which has helped me forget my gambling worries for the time being

Work do on sat night was ok, its a Xmas do, which I have always hated no matter where I have worked, cheesy, cr** food, the usual

However it was free and my boss who drank his weight in red wine did pull me aside and told me not too worry about things and he would help me with some money this week

A. I hope he remembers that conversation

B. I really am lucky to have such an understanding boss

Sunday was golf again and it went exceptionally well, shot 2 under gross mainly because my head was clear because I hadn't gambled and wasnt thinking about it

Unlike Saturday when I played rubbish and all I could think about was gambling debts

Worked Monday, busy day, didn't gamble

Today was a my gfs masters graduation. It was a great day and I was very proud of her. I had bought her Xmas presents and a graduation gift pre slip up so she was very happy with what she got. The day reminded me of how lucky I am

I still am shafted for money currently with an outstanding wOnga loan that I'll need to add to if my boss can't help me out for a while before my friend helps me out at the end of the month

I'm lookin forward to Christmas more than I was an DI haven't gambled in 8 days so hooraay for that

Hope everyone is well; thank you for the comments as always I appreciate it more than you can possibly know

You ARE lucky!!

But, you know, you've got to stay stopped this time. Can you imagine asking him for more money any time soon? Or, 'borrowing' more customers' money? There's always a tipping point for everyone, and since you haven't reached it yet you ought to grab this chance while you've got it.

As you know, things will only get better. Come and have a drink with me in last chance saloon, and we'll toast a happy and gamble-free New Year!

Mm

You buying?? 😉

You are lucky to have an understanding boss and a generous friend. My office would do nothing to help me financially and I do not have any friends who would lend me more than one hundred pounds. All my debts are accruing interest at the bank.

Probably best your friends won't lend you too much, I saw a friend last week that I have known since for many many years and it was the first time I had seen him since I asked him for money (which he couldn't give me)

It was awkward, I acted normal he just looked at me like 'hey the person I used to know, but after all this time of knowing you I find out your a gambling addict in need of money"

That wasn't pleasant at all

I have very understanding people around me generally, a few who know many who don't. However it's almost worse to have those understanding people around

You get complacent and take advantage of good nature (not on purpose may I add) were as if you had people who were like "I'm not helping you, your destroying your life and I'm not giving you my money to destroy it" then it would probably hit home more

I still think I'll lose something or someone very important because I'm selfish and don't appreciate what I've got

There's times I think about what I've got and ho's lucky I am and that's good. But that tends to be during low times, when everythings great I just seen to take it for granted

Pathetic really

Mery Christmas everyone

I know as a gambling addict this time of year = reminding ourselves of the Christmas we could have had if we had no gambled all year

That's what I always think and have done for 10 Christmases

But despite all that on Xmas day everyone should forget there worries and losses, it's a great day so enjoy and forget about the debts

I will start to think about them soon enough....buy not tomorrow, it's a debt free day

Have a great one everyone xxxx

Hi NI,

Hope you've had a great few days!

I hope you're still on the waggon, too!

Merry Xmas!

Hi milkman!

Hope you had a good Christmas!

Mine was grand, usual family all round, good fun for a while and then it's just boring and I want to get back to work and get my routine back, I'm a bit a**l like that I need my regular routine and not boring data lying round the house

I'm still on the wagon, which I guess is good but its not the time of year for gambling, so many people around no time to be private with bad habits, which again I guess is good!

Just got the news from my friend that he can't lend me the 500 anymore, in fact it's just 0 instead which had left me right up s * i t creek without a paddle

All this rubbish never goes away, my heads sore again from it all, can't wait for the new year......to spend the first few months of it trying to juggle debt and hide it from everyone

Class

Ok so reality check

I'm feeling positive today.

I've managed to secure 250 of the 600 I need to pay off my wonga loan. It's not as much as I would have liked but I will work my bills accordingly to have the whole loan paid off by feb 10th

I have been gamble free for 19 days and it hasn't been a problem, Christmas period and all that has helped

I really want to focus on the new year, I have so much to look forward to. Works good, saving for a house with my gf (both of us putting away 550 a month, hence why I can't just clear my debt now, plus she would know) and a golf holiday to Portugal booked for September coming.

I already cost myself one holiday last year and I dont want to do that this year. I am self excluded from the places where I would play slot or fruit machines and I just want to focus on the future which is bright.

The thing I'll have to combat in the next 70 days is the wonga loan sitting there gaining interest and thinking about how I have to swap money here and there just to get it away efficiently without getting myself into trouble

I have a real hard time being patient and accepting debts. This time I need to accept that it's there, deal with it and if I can stick to my guns for 70 days it'll be clear and I can move on with my life and spend my money on better things.

I apologise for being a moany so and do from time to time, I get annoyed when I think of my stupidity, anyway hope everyone has a great new years eve

I know everyone on this forum plans a massive 2012, including me

Good luck

I hope you manage to pay your Wonga loan off soon as those companies rob you blind on interest. Have a great 2012 and stay gamble free. I am rooting for you.

Thanks Pelle, your on a roll do keep it going!!

Well first day back at work over and done with and it was the usual planning for 2012 sales targets and all that jazz. It was grand but I wasn't overly enthusiastic

I haven't been overly enthusiastic about anything lately. Ironically I have zero interest in gambling, I'm totally fed up with gambling and everything in general currently

I'm sick of having to sneak around, transfer money from account to account, clear my Internet and phone history to cover my own back and generally worry about getting caught about the outstanding debt

It's just worn me down and I'm fed up. I should have the wonga loan paid off by January 30th now if everything goes according to plan

Thatll be me cleared up and ready to get on wjth things and worry about getting caught which just eats me up everyday

I want to get my positivity and excitement in life back, it'll come back I know, I'm just stuck with a guilty conscience currently

600 and it's all over, I can't be bothered to do it all over again, I really can't

On another note I see GT has added a gambling free 2012 post. It's great to see everyone's name on it and fair play to them and I hope there's lots of success stories.

I'm not going to add my name as I don't want the pressure of aiming for something that long. Ive tried counting days and all that jazz but it doesn't really get me anywhere

Just aiming not to gamble and to be happy with life and save for my house and enjoy the little things.

Good luck everyone

That's a nice honest post, Mr NI. Like you, I'm fed up of the deceit. For those gamblers that recover - as opposed to those who carry on and die with the illness 'active' - I think there must be an 'ENOUGH' moment, a really sincere one. It sounds like you've reached it; i know I have.

Thanks for your honesty and sorry to see that you don't want to place yourself on the list for now.

Perhaps you'll feel a bit different when you reach half of this year without having placed a single bet? No pressure, but that WILL happen as long as you keep making all the right choices.

I would rather add someone to the list in June and that person stay on the list than having to take someone off in June having started in January. Hope this makes sense!

Anyway, 30th January isn't that far away, a lovely short term target for you to work towards.

Yes, you may still have all those niggling little debts.

But each day that you don't gamble is a another day towards see those debts reduce to a great big fat zero.

And that time WILL come.

Stay very strong and very positive.

GT

**bump**

how are you doing?