Diary 2

I believe I have finally started to manage the inner conflict I had about certain aspects of recovery or other people's approach to recovery. I still very much believe it is an individual thing but do regret some of my previous posts.

Moving on. Just something I've been pondering.

I know fruit machines in pubs are different to FOBTs in shops but I would think it would be very difficult for someone with a problem with machines to go for a pint and feel comfortable. My local - a smallish pub has five machines.

I know self-exclusion isn't the be all and end all but it's a start. How can you self-exclude in a pub? Go up to the manager and tell him not to let you play the machines?

I find it very sad when I see a guy in my local who I know works hard still in his work clothes ploughing money into a machine and barely acknowledging me when I say hello as he is so fixated on the "game".

Hello Phil :))

Your right , Recovery is most definately an individual thing , there's many bog standard things that we can initially put in place once weve decided to stop , such as self exclusion which can afford us some much needed thinking time before embarking once again on a downwood spiral , that being said it all ultimately boils down to us being strong enough and taking responsibility for our own actions and continuing to say no , even if that's one minute ,one day or week at a time and I don't know about you but I still get a kick taking a peek at my day counter every now and again , reminding myself of just how far I've moved away since my last bet :)).

I think your doing well Phil and should be proud of yourself , youve asked questions of others and more importantly yourself and come up with answers that have allowed you to continue on your journey of self discovery , so well done mate and keep doing what works for you my friend :)).

All the best

Alan

Thank you Alan.

I've only been to one meeting but I liked the "vibe" at Smart Recovery. It was also interesting to be with people with differerent poisions/issues besides gambling but a lot of common ground.

It's not a support group - it is about self-discovery, managing and maintaining abstinence and moving forward in life. I guess the same goal as a fellowship like GA but with a different approach.

You've always been supportive Alan and I think your common sense advice has helped me and lots of other people.

Best wishes, Phil.

A guy I knew in Brighton who hadn't had a drink for over 30 years and was a happy fella and highly respected member of AA once said to me: "Active addicts are notorious liars". I've been thinking about that comment this morning. Am I talking the talk or walking the walk?

I believe I am doing the latter on a daily basis. I am honest (maybe the odd white lie!), rebuilding friendships/relationships, re-building trust with my wife and re-paying the money I borrowed to gamble.

I am also addressing my issues with tranquilliser dependency (which has been a damned hard journey) and anxiety which I think were contributory factors in my gambling problem developing so my mental health is improving also.

I believe we can all have an interpretation of what One Day at a Time means so as far as I'm concerned ODAAT I am walking the walk.

promises.com/articles/relapse-prevention/living-one-day-at-a-time

The above is an article I've just read about the ODAAT approach. It's from an AA perspective but I think has meaning to people with other issues and also for people who don't (like me at the moment) go to GA meetings.

Anyway I found it interesting and liked the bit about "don't miss the moment".

Hi Phil,

I find recovery a process. Loads of self awareness and enlightenment. There are times when it can be frustrating and regrets and barriers can sometimes get in the way. You seem to have a great deal of self awareness and although your main drive is one day at a time you are open to engage in other ways to support or maintain recovery.

Personally I like the CBT in the smart recovery model. I found that changing certain destructive thinking patterns not only helped with gambling but in day to day issues of life. I am so pleased you made that meeting and are planning to go to another meeting.

Thank you Zulu. Had some more bad news earlier that I am going to have to share with my wife when she finishes work later but I cannot let adversity get in the way of my journey. Best wishes, Phil.

Facing my social anxiety and agoraphobia at 1pm with the Smart Recovery meeting.

The session was extended by half an hour and the honesty and consideration to others was great. Different poisons but so much common ground.

The CBT approach I personally think is good as it is I think it is science based. It is NOT a support group but a "moving on" on approach. Best wishes, Phil.

Adversity in life was mentioned a lot in yesterday's Smart meeting. Ironically a close friend of mine was involved in an industrial accident yesterday. He is currently in a specialised unit in Swansea and is likely to lose his left leg.

Clearly I am very, very upset but I cannot use this or other upsetting occurences in my life as an excuse to gamble - like I used to do.

I'm going to see him on Thursday. It's heartbreaking when these things happen to people you care about.

Zulu. I ​Hope you read this is as I don't think you have a diary?

Thank you for your concern about my friend in last night's chat room. I'm going to see him later.

Best wishes, Phil.

Repaying money borrowed to gamble is a big part of recovery and taking responsibility. My latest DMP statement reads well - five more monthly payments and I'll have paid my debts off. Roll on December!

To me a 100 per cent daily commitment means a 100 per cent daily commitment.

Excuses? Adversity?

One of my best friends lost his left leg from the knee down in an industrial accident last week as I have mentioned to the people who still use the chat room.

For our small circle of friends it has been hugely distressing and one friend said he thought "I might go off the rails". He didn't mean it in a nasty way - it was just a remark about gambling (which I haven't) - but the main thing is being supportive and selfless as I was to my wife late last year.

That to me is recovery - getting beyond self-centeredness and thinking about other people

Tough news but we are all there for our buddy.

Best wishes, Phil.

Although I'm doing OK bet-free, I realise as I reach the end of my journey coming off tranquillisers I need additional help as I am having a lot of panic attacks. I will be seeing my GP at 11.20.

Sorry to hear about your mate Phil. Like you say these can be the triggers people expect us to use to relaspe. Maybe because that's what we did in the past? But we are different now, stronger, understand our behaviours and what made us gamble in the past.

Great to hear about the 5 months and debt free part. Onwards and upwards!