Diary 2

Hi Phil, I'm delighted that your wife's family is well, a huge relief to you all. All the best mate 🙂

Thank you Mixer. Best wishes, Phil.

Hi Phil, well done on embracing SMART. It's amazing the help on offer if we really want it.

Cheers

ItMattersMore

Thank you buddy

What I realised today was that I am a recovering gambling addict. No denial and no BS.

I listen and learn and appreciate comments on my diary and in the chatroom from people whatever their days are (thanks amigos!) but more importantly the feedback, criticism (ongoing) and still lack of trust occassionaly (naturally) from my lovely wife is the most important thing to me.

Secondly the difference in my behaviour from my very small circle of friends have noticed is also significant.

I am HAPPY in recovery with (ODAAT) no urges to gamble but I am kind of addressing personal issues - not everyone has to do that or wants to do which is 100 per cent fine with me.

Best wishes Phil.

As life goes on and I reflect on my life I think was I REALLY addicted to a specific drug? It wasn't like I would wake up in the morning craving or thinking about but I certainly used the C drug as a distraction from many issues and frequented awful back street pubs in Brighton looking for it.

My behaviour was erratic at work and in my home life - from a loveless marriage I was trying to escape from and went on a "lost weekend" because I knew my controlling and verbally abusive wife would know that was the end which in my own messed up way I was trying to achieve. I ended up with £3,000 from a flat we sold for £170,000 - I don't care although I do miss the sofa.

Gambling - I went into a shop 5/6 times before I was 40 and my (definite) addiction developed over a three year period (newly married) with all the lies, borrowing, self-deceit, mental issues (first thoughts of the day about horses etc.) that came with it for me before I had a realisation and made a decision to stop. I have stuck to that decision

Addiction and recovery are not linear - there are lots of reasons why we/I did what we did and I am damned sure most CGs never intended any harm to their close ones. Of course, a lot of us do cause horrendous harm as I know.

There are a lot of people on this forum who have opinions I respect and whatever path they choose might not be MY choice but I do not have a go about the path they take and generally most people have respected my approach.

My longest post for a while and best wishes, Phil.

Stick to your path Phil if it is working for you mate. Glad to hear you got away from the controlling and abusive wife, who knows what impact they had on your addictions but glad they are out of the way now. I see no problems with your path and have never felt you ram your way of non gambling down others throat so carry on mate, keep those pounds in your pocket.

Thanks Alainpo. Best wishes, Phil.

When I was in the RAF for a brief period in my late teens/early 20s I hated it. Totally unsuited for the armed forces. Someone told me to write a pro's and con's list for staying or leaving. Obviously in my case the con's out-weighted the pro's and I left.

Perhaps the same approach could be applied to fellow CGs who are struggling? i.e. Write a list of the benefits and side by side the negatives of having a bet/spin - what's to be gained? What's the motivation? What could the consequences be? etc.

We all know the score and the potential consequences of gambling again but I've seen a few posts this week were people have had the courage to admit they had done, then chased their losses, got into more debt etc.

Writing a list may seem simplistic but it has certainly helped me with some decisions in my life - especially after excessive rumination which I've always had a tendency to do because I'm quite an uncertain, anxious person.

All the best, Phil.

What a confusing chat!

A question I ask myself is that when people I know (who know I'm a recovering gambling addict) start waffling away about an accumulator football bet or whatever is the fact I find it boring a good thing?

One particular guy I know (more a friend of a friend) goes on and on about machines and it is super irritating - not because it creates ANY temptation (I was never into machines anyway) but it's really boring and I've told him politely I don't want to hear about it. Unfortunately the message hasn't got through.

Just to clarify in case any hand grenades with the word "control" get thrown at me.

I don't have a problem with people in my company talking about gambling (although most of my friends don't gamble apart from events such as the Grand National/Derby etc.) because that's their perogative of course. What I have an issue with is people going on and on about such and such when they know I don't gamble and know why.

Dan asked me a question in the chatroom last night which was moving very fast as a lot of people were there about "racist jokes". I wasn't sure if something had been said in chat but then I think it was something on the forum? My wife is African and has obviously experienced racism but I couldn't see any racist jokes and she agreed. I have a joke to share with the approval of my friend with a specific medical condition. His joke.

Sunday has always been my day to hang out with my "cronies" as my wife puts it. My small group of friends love crosswords which is what we tend to do on a Sunday.

All my wife expects is for me to communicate about when I'm coming home and not come home drunk which I haven't done very often although I DID sometimes when I was a mess with gambling.

If you walk into the house and your partner can see you are fine (although sometimes a little bit tipsy!) or rather my wife greets me with a big smile and hug it is incomparable to a bet.

I've always known that there are lots of issues to address when stopping a specific behaviour but I can't deny, as I've been thinking today, it's going to be a massive weight off my shoulders when my gambling debts through the DMP are cleared in December if I stick with the plan.