"Slowly we can do this!"
Never has a truer phrase been said! We CAN all do this as long as we all realise that this is a slow process.
There really is light at the end of the tunnel.
Just don't gamble!
NT
Hi Paul,
sorry I haven't been dropping in on you as I was before. Truth is, I am on this forum much less these days, but is nice to give some support to a newbie ( which used to be you, but now you have earned your first set of stripes you are an old timer, lol )
It is great to see you growing in confidence, and making some sterling progress in recovery. Close to day 50 already! I never doubted for a second that you could do it, the tricky part is believing in oneself as much as others do.
Hope you have had a good day, and as I mark 40 weeks free today - let me tell you you gotta see the view from here! it is breathtaking! : D
Take care,
f x
Day 51
Half century of days feels good, now things are possible. Thanks to Smiler, This time, Freda and NT (loving the new name) for your comments. As ever on this forum everyone comes with their own viewpoints which really help us to see the bigger picture.
Smiler made an interesting point of the importance of quality over quantity and I think you are spot on. I had become obsessed with logging on each and every day to chalk up another notch. I did this because it was what helped in the beginning, my recovery has moved on a step and so should I.
Right now quality of life is what I should be aiming for and the days will take care of themselves. I know that some diarists love totalling up the days and others find it too retrospective, whatever works for you I guess,
Aim for those gamble free days but make them fulfilling days, gamble free and inertia free.
Stay strong and safe
Paulds
HIGH FIIIIIVE!!!!
Well done dude - 51 and counting!
f x
Day 52
Thanks Freda, high fives are always appreciated, always welcomed, always uplifting!
Gonna take a few days break from posting on my diary and try to concentrate on my recovery. Actually at the moment I am finding other diaries more inspiring and more useful than my own. Will be back soon and checking in for inspiration.
April is a real struggle for sports lovers especially Golf, Snooker, Racing and Football so for anyone who is suffering, hang in there, if you can do April then you can do anything!!
For those sports we loved before gambling, rediscover them, for those we only enjoyed for gambling then drop them, concentrate on the things we love and treasure.
Stay gamble free for your loved ones and for yourself. I know it is easier said than done but hang in there and things will get easier.
Stay strong and safe
Paulds
Hiya Paulds,
Great to see you up to day 52 🙂 I hope you are rewarding yourself for all the hard work your doing 🙂 and that nice things will happen on your few days break.
Love Del xo
Day 60 gamble free,
Thanks guys for all your comments, I will be popping by to your diaries and even though I don't post on mine now as much as before I am still reading diaries pretty much every day as this inspires me more than my own self obsessed observations.
Progress has been good, tough but good, right now being gamble free is the main achievement.
Slowly but surely trying to fill my days with more quality of life but this is proving tough. So long gambling makes it difficult to remember who we really are, it is voyage of rediscovery, sometimes it feels like I have amnesia and am trying to piece my life back together. I lived so long in a numb catatonic fog that I can't remember what I used to do to have fun, to enjoy myself to be content.
But now I am alive again, now I have the chance to live and breathe and although it will not happen quickly, although there will be rocky points along the way, IT WILL HAPPEN, IT CAN HAPPEN.
Really want to make it to 100 days now which will take me to the end of May and then it will be party time. It will be one small step towards that party after another though. As I journey towards the day of the party I will be carrying a bag which I will fill with positive vibes, tunes and food along the way, this will equip me in times of difficulties and when I reach 100 I will open the bag, let out the goodness and share it with everyone.
I will then sit back in a virtual easy chair (you know the ones with the high back and seemingly endless cushions), take in a huge breath and when the air escapes it will be in the form of a smile, for once a contented smile, a real smile that almost hurts. That is all I want, not riches nor glory, just to be a person who is happy again.
Stay safe and strong
Paulds
Day 64 gamble free
To write day 64 sounds good but really struggling with sports gambling urges. Conversely I lost thousands on the FOBT machines and have not missed them at all.
Really have to get back enjoying sport for what it is, get out there playing. 'It is only a tenner' syndrome really kicking in. IT IS NOT ONLY A TENNER IT IS MADNESS.
This forum really helps, have to do it for myself and friends and family and this thread and for everyone who has helped me.
Just keep going, keep living, keep choosing those right paths and options.
Paulds
Hi Mate
Never really played poker until I stopped gambling. Then it's what set me back gambling off. Be very careful this type of thinking will take you back in a second. You have to be tough, days mean nothing you are just having a tough time fight the urge. Be a good guy. Stay strong.
Michael
Day 67
Thanks for popping by Lucky Mike, good advice you have given, these urges are dangerous thinking, when I get them I try to come on here to explain how it feels as I can do this to no-one else. By the way the 90 day thread you have set up is awesome, for someone who is also finding recovery so hard I think it was a brave and selfless thing to do. I would have joined but saw it late and noone likes a gatecrasher. I will be there on the next one!!
Stay strong sports fans today is always hard, the dreaded saturday, hopefully it is not raining where you are and you can get out there and choose to enjoy life.
Please when thoughts such as 'it is only £20, or 'I knew they would win' pop into your head, don't shut them out, deal with them, so what if you had won you would have lost a whole lot more not just financially but trust, hope and sanity wise too...
Paulds
You are doing great Paul, well done!
f x
Hi Paul,
Thanks for the post on my diary, much appreciated.
Well done on reaching 10 weeks. You have come so far since that desperate but totally honest post in the early new year. Keep with it!
Also, do you know me? I am a huge NY Dolls fan. Love this new stuff but been born in 60s I am still hooked on the 70s. So thanks for the tune. Cheered me up and made me dance. I know I am posting at 5 am but still in a bit of pain so not sleeping great.
So mate if you love the sounds of the 70s, I will be sending you some tunes in return.
Keep rockin' and rollin'.
Hope you savour the words in the song my friend. I believe it is a special message for us. Deep and meaningful. Lol. Write soon. Ian.
Hiya Paul,
Just dragging you up from page three...thinking about you and hope all is well.
Love Del x
With regards to your recent urges, I always remember this...
One tiny, tiny bet WILL lead to disaster.
This rings true for every single CG.
NT
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