Diary of a familiar tale

Day 31 gamble free

target 19 more days.

Thanks Freda, yeah you are right, sometimes it is difficult to put a positive spin on things and see the hard work paying off. Sometimes I feel it is difficult to see the wood of success for the trees of shame. congrats again on your year!

Just want to put a long stretch together now, slowly I feel stronger, last year I gambled pretty much every day, this year I have only gambled on a few days in the first 6 months of the year. But of course every day is one day too many, one little bet away from disaster.

Slowly I do feel stronger though, 50 days now seems achievable and then want to push on to 100 for the first time this year.

Good luck with the good fight everyone.

Paulds

Day 34

Gamble free now for over a month and 16 more to until my 50 day target, then after that three figures for the first time at home.

Thought I would start with the positives, ridiculous smile ysterday just from walking past the bookies, felt freer than before. Before it was any excuse to leave the house and carry out any errand that would take me past the bookies. I could never win because I could never stop, took me awhile to understand that mantra but now it is so true.

Finally starting to see the non gambling pay off financially as well as the debts slowly decrease. I just read my very first post again back in January, what delusion with the debt. I wrote that it was 15K, in reality it was more like 25K. How we trick ourselves when we are gambling to make it sound not as bad as it really is.

I have now paid of 4K of this and hope to be debt free in the next 4 years. It is too far to look just yet, just want to get through today and tomorrow and will then look out from under the blankets to see if I am safe the next day as well.

Paulds

Well done on day 35 Paulds,

Each day you remain gamble free every day your debt is reducing, every hour even, Tomorrow it be less than today and eventually it will be no more, think about it in smaller chunks and its always much more manageable.

Keep focused it looks like the gambling fog is lifting for you and you can see things so much clearer, onwards and upwards.

Blondie 🙂

Day 38 gamble free

12 days until target

Good luck today with the dreaded Saturday for those who struggle. Resist that temptation and do something positive, enjoy the weekend like we used to, spend time with the ones we love not the places we hate.

Still have the urges but still can walk past those establishments with a smile on my face and certain fingers extended in my pockets. Going to start the post with this positive, this was unthinkable at the beginning of the year, I had reached a stage where they had won, they were stronger, I had given up.

Now it is the gambling demon who is losing, each day is a loss, each day the demon remains chained up under the stairs in a large box which is locked. This time I don't even know where the key is, other times I pretended I didn't know but secretly did, us CG's always want to leave ourselves an avenue for escape.

Not going to get too complacent though, just one slip away from a disaster, there have been three slips since January, there will be no more. Summer is here, well in name only I guess, but it is here and to be enjoyed. If you are struggling, search for what you love, spend time with that person(s) or thing and go for quality of time.

Good luck on this day.

Paulds

Great post, Paulds.

It really is very important to remain strong as we can never get too complacent. I am a firm believer that us CGs are (and always will be) one tiny, tiny bet away from disaster.

There have been too many stories on here on people managing to stay bet free for years before taking the wrong, horrible route again.

Keep going, you are doing really well.

NT

HI Paulds,

Thanks so much for the post, You are doing really well and seem very focused this time, I have never under estimated the power of this addiction, Keep that demon chained under the stairs, block all routes for it to get out and keep making the right choices every day, Its working for you and me. Onwards and upwards to the life that we want.

Blondie x

Day 42 gamble free

8 days until target

Thanks Blondie and NT for your kind words, it doesn't matter how many posts I read it is always comforting to know that there are people out there going through similar situations and are so supportive. You have both helped so many others on this site as well as handling your own addictions admirably.

Going to start with the positive and 8 days until my half century target, then will have the full century as the next target but not getting too far ahead.

I have had some urges after I was paid, the typical situation of seeing the money in the bank. For so long in the past my first thought was to gamble it away, actually not just my first thought but my second, third and fourth as well, before I could break free from these thoughts I was already in those dreadful establishments losing my hard earned cash.

Now instead it was a fleeting urge but I have squashed it, I have joined the new 90 day thread as well, I think I do better if there is a commitment, someone helping to push me along. I don't want to quit this fighting feeling now, I just want to improve my quality of life.

I am lucky because all this is down to me, no-one holding me back, no-one saying no you can't do it. Need to keep positive, safe and strong.

Paulds

HI Paulds,

Now instead it was a fleeting urge but I have squashed it, I think you should read that back to yourself it proves how far you have come, and will drive you on to how far you can go.

Keep squashing them if they come, they become weaker and weaker and eventually for me no more, I havent had an urge for a long time now.

Your doing just great, keep focused, keep strong.

Blondie x

Day 50!

Days to target 0!

Made it and want to start the day with a positive. Another 50 days gamble free and must keep going now, last time I had slips after 40 and the 80 days, this time want to make to the big three figures. Going to reward myself with a small present of some books films and most importantly a smile.

Will also try not to obsess as much over finances, everyday I check incessantly my balances, even if as I am logging on i know what they will say.

Just posting about once a week now which seems to be the next step in my recovery, still often lurking and reading others diaries and will post here when I have urges. Next target is 75 days and really feel I can make it, for the first time I felt the other day i could even make it through the summer and out the other side, what a great feeling that would be.

Paying off so many gambling related debts often feels like I am not getting anywhere but of course the opposite is true......

Stay safe and strong

Paulds

HI Paulds,

Thank you for the post and so very well done on reaching 50 days.

I could really relate to your post on fredas and mine also, its really difficult to measure our recovery isnt it ? Yes we have the gamble free days behind us, but how do we really no we are not just counting days and holding on. I have been thinking about this over the last few days and i can see such an improvment in some areas others im working on daily and i know in time they will also change.

Great to see your still going strong and posting daily hourly or weekly your finding what works for you.

Keep going, stay strong and focused for a better future.

Blondie

Day 72 - Gamble free

It has been three weeks since I last checked in and this has been for two reasons, one I have been away on holiday and could not check in and two I needed a break as reading about so much gambling was not helping.

It has been great and I feel good to have arrived at this day, I have just been reading wp´s diary and he doesn´t feel complacent even approaching 1000 days so there is no reason I should either.

Just going to keep passing those open windows and slowly paying debts and regaining my life.

It is great to see others doing so well and this site is a constant help although I may not post as often as I did or even as often as I should. So many have left the site thinking they did not need it any more only to return after a gambling spree. Everyone posting are still so inspirational so supportive. I must try to support others more often as they have done to me.

Take care and stay safe and strong

Hi Paul,

Wow! 72 days, look at you!!!!

Remember when you first came here, and couldn't imagine getting through 2 days?

You are doing bloody great, my friend : )

I imagine you feel like a different person. I always say imagine these days, rather than the 'b' word, because I don't bet anymore!

Take care,

f x

Day 76 - Gamble free

Still ticking along, no gambling but with a few urges, it always amazes me how daft our brains are, despite the pain it has caused us despite the loss, the addiciton, the stupidity, depsite the fact we feel much better not gambling, our brains still think, well go on, one little bet wont hurt.......

Still feel strong but at the same time apprehensive, I quit gambling for the first time in mid jan and went 40 days gamble free

then gambled and went 80 days gamble free

then gambled and now have reached day 76.

It could have been so much better but I determined only to look to the future, after all the past cannot be changed only the future.

Step by step then, bean by bean the sack will be filled. When I first gave up I calculated that I was going to give myself 4 years or 1460 days to be debt free if I really tried. When I started I thought I had debts of £15K which was a woeful understatement, the gamblers fog lifted and I realised that it was close to £24K.

Well by my reckoning that is down to 1239 days until debt free.

The 1460 days is a daft target as it is too far off but I guess it is nice to have something long term to aim for.

We can all obsess about our debts but they wont disappear fast, instead I have been focusing on the financial differences to last year, now I have money for food and rent, no more going to the supermarket with £1.68 and trying to buy food for 3 days.

Now I can buy new clothes and treats every few months, each time I put on new clothes I think that I have earned them and the non-gambling has paid for this. I have been on holiday and have swum in the sea without worrying about gambling.

Small differences but huge steps for me

Stay safe and strong

Paulds

Hi Paulds,

Just popping in2 say well done on 76 days gamble free, u r doing brilliant 🙂

That was a gr8 post 2 read, ur determination shines thru 🙂

Stay strong and keep going 🙂

Hi Paulds, thank u 4 ur post on my diary. It means alot 🙂

I hope u r having a gr8 day 🙂

Take care 🙂