Diary of a familiar tale

Day 16

Really want to get to 3 weeks gamble free, that is the next target, still have urges but good to have the blocks in place as a safety net.

Thanks for sharing that with me Dusty, you are right I really have learnt a lot from my blip. Looking back it seemed as if the first 40 days were going well but in reality it also felt that each day was a bonus, I wasn't really convinced that I had given up gambling. That hour I spent gambling managed to convince me of that!

I am not saying that everyone needs a slip, rather that if we do slip it is our reaction that counts, do we turn it to our advantage? Do we double our resolve? What can we learn to move forward in our lives?

I believe now that I can live without gambling, before it felt that wasn't possible and that each day gamble free still saw me walking around town with the gambling demon in my pocket ready to jump out. The demon still exists but I don't need it anymore.

One day at a time, have a good day everyone.

Paulds

Hi Paul

Great to see that you are growing in confidence. It has been great to watch you blossom in this way - because on day 1 I don't think you believed you could get through the next hour!

You are doing great : )

Take care,

f x

Day 17

Thanks Freda, you are totally right, yesterday I happened to be walking to the supermarket again as I was on day one. It is easier now, not easy but it IS possible. I really doubted that on day one. I had given in and felt that gambling was simply greater and stronger than I was. You and others on here have shown me that it doesn't have to be like that, that we can choose, that we can fight and we can succeed.

One more step along the road in recovery, one more day, one more challenge. Although it can seem like a slog I should be embracing it, I have been given this chance (again).

I think as CGs we often want somethings in the here and now, a quick fix an easy solution. Gambling fits into that category nicely but paying off debts and 'taking it one day at a time' does not. Perhaps that is one reason why we find it so hard.

Paulds

Day 18

The dreaded Saturday today, and for those of you who USED to love gambling on sports I know that this is probably the toughest day of the week, so barriers up, double the resolve and fight on.

Lets enjoy our new found time with our loved ones that was previously lost to gambling, if you are on your own, do something to occupy that mind. Get back to enjoying sport for what it is, if you no longer have any interest then switch off, get out and get busy. Easy to say I know and difficult also for me to put my actions where my words are.

Target of three weeeks almost in sight, good to see it is the 10 March as I want to stay gamble free this whole calendar month, I can't remember doing that for a long long time.

stay safe and strong

day 20

sunny, gamble free day today.

Seems I am crawling along with regards to debt repayment and head repayment but I have to accept that this is the case.

Always looking for the quick fix, the easy solution when there isn't one. No other way just hard hard work and remember to relax and reward.

Paulds

3 weeks today bud!

I am at the finish line cheering you on : )

f x

Day 21

Three weeks feels good, thanks Freda new target 4 weeks and then the whole of March.

Same old mantra of ODAAT and sometimes one hour at a time. As CGs we wanted everything quickly, easily without trying, money for doing nothing, just because we thought we were better at gambling than anyone else.

Reality check time, no more fast solutions, head down and remember to relax.

Hi

Good for you. 3 weeks , month in sight.

Keep doing what your doing it is obvious working.

Hats off to you my friend .

Dusty

Day 22

Thanks DF, much appreciated!

Gamble free is good and have to keep telling myself that even when I feel low. Finding it really hard to deal with all the emotions which i now feel.

Feels like I have put on a pair of glasses for the first time in 17 years of living with blurred vision. I know that these are the rigth steps but suddenly everything is all too clear, too raw and too real.

I have to take steps now inthe next part of recovery and really try to deal with the craziness that exists, I don't want it to go away, just be a little more manageable, I have spoken to a gamcare advisor which was a big step and now am going to register with a health centre to try and find help. I don't want medication but certainly need someone to talk to and to give advice.

The gambling had to stop first, so much of it came from that. Everyday of not gambling is a success but it doesn't feel like that. It will one day though just takes time and hard work.

Paulds

Day 23

gamble free and almost halfway through March, feel much more confident this time around.

Feeling very lethargic and lazy these days, very difficult to put my mind to a task and slowly but surely those essential tasks are mounting up. I have to stop the procrastination and get down to it, even writing this message is helping put off the inevitable....

Gotta wake up from this dozey state.

Paulds

Day 24

Slowly approaching the 4 week target and keeping busy certainly helps the time go quicker, my problem is that I am not keeping myself busy enough and leaving too much time to think.

Aim to change that now, many things to do so just get on with it!

hi there

i've just sat and read your entire diary and just had to post to say well done. this is not an easy road we travel.

i'm at 1 week today and reading your entries gives me hope.

i'll be sure to drop back in on the 1st April to celebrate your full calandar month.

today is another day gamble free xx

Day 27

Thanks for your comment Lisa, well done on taking the step to start a diary, keep reading, keep posting and keep strong.

I am just trying to shake of the apathy and self-loathing. Feeling stuck with nowhere to go. Actually had a good weekend with no gambling and slowly putting my life back together.

I guess I want everything nice and lovely straight away which is nonsensical.

Head up, chin up and fight on

Hiya Paulds,

Congratulations on day 27. The feelings your having will pass...I remember in my early days I wished so much I could jump forward in time...and for everything to be nice and sorted...especially relating to my debts.

You may feel stuck, but you arn't really, you are working through the process and doing well.

Keep fighting the good fight!

Love Del x

Day 28

Thanks Delgirl, your support is much appreciated, you are right, just wish I could fast forward sometimes to the good times!

I guess i have to work at it, each moment now will make me better for the future, it will prepare me, these days are the building blocks for a secure time ahead, i suppose then the future can't exist without the present.

Have to be strong now and every day is a battle, hours will turn into days and says into weeks. day 28 is the proof of this, now push on to day 30.

Paulds