Diary of a familiar tale

Hi Paul,

Great work on reaching 4 weeks. You are doing great!

Impatience seems to go hand in hand for most compulsive gamblers, but it eases with time. I am infinitely more patient than I was a few months ago. I think if we can really accept reality - that it will be months rather than days, before we see finances etc. improving, it helps prevent feeling downhearted. When you feel like you are getting nowhere fast - ask yourself what your bank balance would likely be if you were still in action.

Take care,

f x

congrats to you and thanks for the post xx

Hiya Paulds

' these days are the building blocks for a secure time ahead'

.and your so right 🙂 Great post!

Keep going!

Love Del xo

Day 30

Thanks Freda, Lisas and Delgirl, it really helps knowing you are out there.

Gamble free but don't mind admitting I have just shed a tear after hear the sad news regarding Mark117. Not feeling good now as such a fighter an inspiration has been taken from us.

Fight on in heaven and RIP

Day 31,

Gamble free but had a few urges yesterday, a momentary wave of weakness that made me want to gamble. How can our brains be so r******d? I know gambling is destructive has wrecked mine and many other lives, I despise everything about it and hope to never ever gamble again and yet BAM a feeling of 'well I wouldn't mind gambling right now' comes over you. It is real madness we have to deal with.

But I feel selfish writing these words as the sad passing away of Mark is still so raw. I had never even met him so I can't imagine what his poor family and friends are going through. My thoughts really go out to them at this time. RIP Mark, shine on, shine on.

Not feeling great and going to take a short break from posting for a few days. Feeling like I am so self-centred and obsessed with myself without taking the necessary steps to sort it out. Wallowing in self pity is weak, actions are strong.

Not going to make the mistake of thinking I don't need gamcare, I do and perhaps now more than ever. I will still be checking in on other diaries as they inspire me so much. I also want to post some short term goals.

1 - Last time I slipped after 40 days so by reaching day 31 that is the forefront of my mind, must push on past that barrier now.

2 - 40 days will also take me through a calendar month bet free in this country for the first time in 17 years.

What Mark went through was immense and he was such an inspiration for people fighting on. I could certainly learn from his humility, strength and humour.

Stormy, stormy Mark but it can't rain forever.

Hay my lovely,

Just wanted to reply to your post. Sorry you are feeling down, most of us are very reflective not just about Mark and the incredible journey he had been on, but it brings up a lot of stuff about us and where we are with it all

Only you can decide what to do next, but I do not think your selfish , I think Mark was passitionate to try to help to heal people by sharing his experiences. I think he would want us to get through each day the best way we could without gambling. By doing that we would be honouring his memory and the positive effect he had and will have on our lives in the future.

Take care , try not to be sooooo hard on yourself.

Dusty

"40 days will also take me through a calendar month bet free in this country for the first time in 17 years."

Wow! What an incentive to reach!

Mark WILL have been proud of you WHEN you achieve this amazing milestone.

Then the world will be your oyster.

GT

Hiya Paulds,

Just popping in to say I'm thinking about you and hope your a okay. I look forward to your day 40!

Love Del x

Day 41

Thanks for the messages guys and I will take some time to catch up on your diaries. Back after a break and feeling happy to have got through the whole of March gamble free and bring my total through the 40 day barrier, it was after 40 days I slipped last time so was afraid it was going to happen again. It didn't and I smiled when it happened.

Not really getting my head around things but still have all those non gambling days as the building blocks.

A break from gamcare was good, not good to get too obsessed! But posting and reading diaries is the central part to my recovery, actually the days go quicker when I don't post as i find if I post daily the days only seem to crawl by. I guess taking a break can really let you appreciate what is so important in life. Everyone is different of course and I suppose we all have to find our happy medium.

Today is a new day, a brand new day we CAN do what we want, we CAN be strong, we CAN beat this addiction.

Paulds

Day 42

Seven weeks, keep going, nothing more, Day 50 is next target then the whole of April then forever.

good luck today everyone, stay safe and gamble free.

Yo

Well done, keep going, day 50 so close you can almost touch it.

Stay strong.

Dusty

Hiya Paulds,

Sorry I haven't been around for your day 40...congrats..hey day 50 fast approaching 🙂

Your are doing great. Keep fighting the good fight!

Love Del xo

Day 46,

Four more to the half century, this is uncommon ground for me, must keep strong and focused, urges all the time but the thought of going back to day one is tough.

Day 50 will be next wednesday and then all of April.

Slowly we can do this!

Hi Paul

Try not to concentrate too much on quantity. Quality is key for a good recovery. Numbers stack up as you go along. Anyone of us only have today so keep it focused in the day. Glad you are going well and remember this is only my suggestion so don't think it is the right way, just giving youfood for thought.

Take care

Hi Paul,

Sounds like your doing really well, keep up the great work.

Not long to go for you half century!!!

Steve