Dilemma

Hi Evanru

Thanks for taking time to post on my diary and I appreciate your comments and advice.

Well done on your own period of abstinence and hope things continue to go well for you.

Hi Russ,

I have just read your diary after winningpost suggested i should,and glad i did as we seem to be very similar.

I too am 33 with a young daughter who deserves me to be much more of a father than i have been.

I am a golfer too playing off 6.8.

On may 26th i was due to go to vegas on a golf trip with 13 mates but couldn't trust myself to go. Would have had the time of my life but have been before and was out of control then and knew i would be again.

I have now got a trip to the races on friday and as it is drawing nearer i am getting more and more worried about it.

I know deep down, like you, i cant bet because win or lose what good will it do? However friends and mrs keep telling me it will be ok to have small bets just for that night. Starting to enter my thoughts now that perhaps i can do little exactas or something to keep an interest.

However as i said deep down i know i cant and just hope i can find the same strength you did and not bet.I may even try the toilet technique!

Well done on 120 days very impressive and hope i can achieve as much.

Lastly can relate too to what you were saying about the negative thoughts on putting cos i am trying to lose them too. I see you blew up the other day on the last. In the june medal at my club i was 5 over with 2 to play and finished 6,12! so it wasn't too bad!

Keep it up

Phil.

Cheers Phil, I've replied on your diary. I do believe that there is a correlation between gamblers who in turn are golfers who struggle to finish rounds well due to explosions!! I'm 33 and been playing golf for 17 years and ive never been on a winning competition board! All my golfing mates know that I'm a 'gas' man! So, my goal this year is to get on a board!

Hi Russ,

A mate of mine at the golf club said the other week that the only way he will be getting on the board is if he dies and they name a competition after him!

I'm on the board twice mate and i'm aiming for a third this weekend in the club champs. This rain is reaping havoc with my preparations though!

Good to see you still giving gambling a kick in the nether regions.

Keep it up mate.

Thanks for the message Russ,maybe Curly can give you a bit of coaching on the old golf mate,you both have a great deal in common,i assume your roughly from the same neck of the woods?.

Seano.

Thanks Seano and curly. I'm guessing that curlys somewhere around the Liverpool/Wirral area. He supports the toffees, it rains a lot near him and Chester races is not too far away!

It was an interesting night last night. My diary was displayed to my lovely wife. As winning post told me some time ago, there's no shame in showing your diary. At first she was shocked but the further she read the more she understood that it was a good thing (if you are reading this honey, please tell me if your view Is different!) I think she was impressed by the site and the good people offering support to others who need it.

I don't know why it's taken me so long to show it to her. I think that subconsciously I may have wanted to build up a long period of honest updates to really show that actions speak louder than words.

It good to be open and honest. Hopefully in time I will win back the trust that I've abused over the years. But just like recovering from gambling this can only be done on a day by day basis and over a long sustained period of time.

Russ

Well done in 'coming clean' with your wife mate. Tell me--how much better did you feel a few minutes after you showed her the diary?

A problem shared is a problem halved and now there are two of you to gang up on that bully called gambling.

Everything takes time to accomplish and trust is no different.

All the best to the both of you

Stumper

Great to hear you've spoke to your wife russ and that you've let her loose on the diaries....at end of the day its all about trust mate and the more she reads hopefully the more understanding she ll have....canny see me showing my ex my diary mind you otherwise id prob get a 7 iron over my head lol though I do mention it from time to time....real progress for you there mate,well done we can do this. 🙂

Not a lost cause mate...never say never though what I was referring to was the fact the amount of times she's been slated on my diary...don't think she would see it as good reading hence the 7 iron. 😉 its like my gambling mate one day at a time...no 2 days are the same. :-/

Well that's one less board competition to worry about. My foursomes partner and I have just been stuffed 5and4! Can you believe that he got bitten by a horsefly yesterday evening and his hand has swollen up to about twice the normal size!! Needless to say he played s@it! Oh well, I guess I've still got the four ball and singles left. Of up to Edinburgh tomorrow for work. No gambling urges at all today. Russ

A busy day driving to Edinburgh and doing meetings. Clear blue skies up here. I'm on my own in a hotel tonight, usually a danger time for me due to time + boredom. I feel fine and know I won't gamble. The thought of placing a bet makes my stomach turn. I just need to sit back and enjoy a bit of peace and quite! It's bath and bed time at home.....carnage with three under 5's!

HI Evanru - I'm wondering what hotel you're staying in up here? I'll maybe come knocking on your door! lol

Yes, it's lovely now here, I've just finished work and looking forward to 4 days off. You don't want to be gambling when you have our lovely city to see!

All the best

Lili

That's it, I'm going to the cinema! I've heard Inception is pretty good. I may look like a bit of a loser going on my own but it sure beats gambling.....not that I was thinking of gambling!!

Hi Russ,

Cheers for the post mate. Let me know if Inception is any good if you did opt to see it. Might give that a bash myself this weekend.

Nice to see you choosing to visit the cinema whilst sat bored in your hotel room. If only Tiger Woods had made that decision whilst staying in hotels whilst on tour it might have saved him $50 million!

I'm in good nick for the club champs this weekend. Just had 9 holes with one of the lads who plays off 2 and has a big chance. I managed to knock it round 1 under to his level par so that was a nice boost.

Have you got a comp yourself this weekend mate?

I wanted to get this written down as a reminder for the future. I had a fairly big argument with my wife this evening. It was all down to trust. I gave her a call after the film to check in at home and make sure everything was ok. The line was bad and the street was noisy. Anyway, she could hear a strange noise in the background (it was actually a large number of students laughing)' she asked me what the noise was in what I thought at the time was a insinuating tone. I immediately snapped back at her saying it was just some students laughing. Apparently, the way I replied was just like I used to when I was gambling and up to no good. As a result my wife immediately didn't trust me. I then tried to argue my case and say that I'm a changed man, an open book etc etc.

What I need to realise and what I've learn't is that I have made my poor gorgeous wife like that. In our early days she fully trusted me, but over the last five as my gambling has got worse the trust has been totally eroded away. It's up to me to prove that I've changed, but this may take years. After all although I feel so much better, it's only been 4/5 months since my last binge.

If you are reading this honey, I'm sorry and I can only say that I'm determined to make things right.