Hi volcano,
One of my dads favourite songs. Maybe you need to follow the star and stop fighting it, who knows, ? either way keep searching and I hope you find that guiding light soon.
Take care
Blondie
Thankyou Blondie, think you've hit the nail on this head there....
Trying to youtube my head as i finally embark on this new day. Grey stubble of a mask removed. Cleaned and ironed, now face the world.
Open mic pub and sunday roast on horizon..
They only put in a nickel, yet they want a dollar song. I love Melany. .
Paul.
'open Mic and a Sunday roast'
Not a mention of destruction.
Progress if not perfection.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Lol these clanging boobs of steel went into milk down last saturday. Lol lol lol yup got like 8 days gamble free in again. Same song and dance over here and still that twisted drunken looser. yup gonna do up some tomato basil pork lions on the grill here in a bit and of course the beer will follow. Guess the only thing I can seem to give up is the smokey treats and day 58 ciggy b**t free. Cheers
Hi Volcano,
It's great to run into another on this planet that loves Melanie. I do too!! Lah dat an dah dat and dah dah dah dah dat and dat ta dah!! That gives me a great idea. I'm gonna give my old Melanie records a listen.. "Well eat your animal crackers oh my momma told me so long ago if you eat your animal crackers the children in Europe won't starve anymore.." lol!! Cheers Volcano! -joanxxxxx
Hope today was as you planned, wish I could clean and iron my face, the years are not being kind.
xxx
Hey volcano thanx for the post on my diary you speak wise words! Shaken myself off and starting again. Keep strong xx
Thankyou, pretty touched there. Wise words? lol, actions is what i need.
Navigated the weekend but the blues continue. No gambling but also never lived. Blew out pal yesterday but had the roast.
Feel a heavy dark cloud over me and hoped it would of shifted by now. Really, cant be f****d with work today. Exhausted head, aching body. Need to be very quiet today.
Four weeks to find a new place to live. Ashamed at 46, i'm back packing round foooking london. This aint my life, yet i'm existing it.
I know this is only the start, yet tired of it all already.. Facing up to the process half hearted and digging deep to find some resolve.
Please shift cloud
Here we go again. Another day to navigate!
A night of racing thoughts, spinning about the tax man, procastinating about moving and life, finger tips at work.
Mouth shut, head down, ar-se up and see this day through the only way forward for this tired mind...
f****k It, the only thought which made any sense to this confused exhausted mind. Can't see nothing ahead, trudging along...
Sigh...
Lol lol lol to funny about the brass monkey balls. Still gamble free here to though tomorrow be pay day and always a problem. Guess if we want different we gotta do different. Just heading out to work for the day the only real way of making cash it seems. Hope them troubles are lessening for ya.
Yo Soul... Happy payday, its your hard earned dosh remember..
Today..
Money Vs Principle. No brainer there, ar-se down, head up and take the money!! So, why the f***k am i struggling?
With gambling, money never came into it, never really played to win as always new i'd give anything back.
With life its never been about the money, deluded to think that principle, honesty would get me through this foooking life. Too many slotherly, fat foooking snakes to encounter and i'm defeated, or am i? Could be a pr-ick and think what goes around, comes around. f*****k em, keep taking the money......
Yep, work and a pm i dont respect, a snake with bazoooka's of man t**s..
Sad. We make dcisions in this delicate life and either way we need to get through them..
If only i was a brick
Lol nice tune and liked it but kinda strange to hear a girl called a P***k. Yeah here in the u.s. a P***k is the longer part of the males family jewels. Lol lol lol
Pay day be ok cause yup none of it gambled. Sh-it my favorite casino actually be building on and expanding their hell hole which just made me say hello no. I paid for enough bricks already. Lol lol lol yup bought me some mighty fine steaks and happy juice instead.
Paul
My friend I found something through abstinence, a gift greater than any accumulater I stumbled across, because after all we all know it aint about the money fella, as we cannot win because we cannot stop.
So my learning.
Work to live
not live to work
Duncs stepping forward never back.
P.s hope you get the secret santa, fix him up with a nice bra!!! lol I got a manager once and brought him a bottle of mouthwash, as his head could not have been further up the MD's backside!!!!!!!
Hey Mr V
Looking forward to seeing you next week...
The great news is that I can just be myself as you know my innermost thoughts ...the bad news is ...we are doing major walks with la doggies so this will involve a physical workout .....2 leads...your choice ..a greyhound or a jack Russell ...I'm giving you the greyhound ..lol xx
R and D ...your pain in the a** pal who still is here xx
Ty Duncan and ExD, always chuffed to see your names pop up on this diary.
You've had me thinking there Dunc's. Work to live Vs live to work, have never managed to balance them out. I know im good at my job, yet i also know i take a lot of chances. I also know that in the grand scheme of things im irrelevant, the job always finishes. Im struggling in the slothiness, slipperyness and greed of my pm, quietly im taking him on and i know im walking a thin line. Why the f**k am i doing it, why can't i turn a blind eye? He made it personal and i see the fear in him as he knows I'll be a hard man to shift without exposing more of what a P**k he is. Confused on this one???
Living today as i sit on a riverbank feeding the ducks and living the dream. Tired, a lal sad, thoughtful yet contented.
Reading about kenny samson and his adictions and park bench life stile. Guess when you spend a life time being addicted to your sport and winning. w*f do you do when that finishes? Guess in a similar way im doing pretty much the same thing, a life time of gambling, its pretty obvious im going to switch. Abstinence a great starting point but need to see a end, a goal worth fighting for.. What the f**k is that though.
Forward, backwards, sidewards i plod along.
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