Dormant

Rob, it's good to see you back in a selfish way. No coincidence that I was drawn to Deja Vu's diary.
Sandra, you've reciprocated your smile on to this mug, keep bouncing.

Only starting to get this. There's enough enemies in life so time to stop being your own worse enemy.

Slowly breaking through.....

Final thought, even Ghandi never made his final destination. So what chance have we?, stop beating ourselves up.....

Great l​ast few posts V. As to reaching final destinations, that's not the important bit, its that you are the best you can be along the way there

Hi volcano thank you for your post. Since I came to the forum I have been reading other members diaries religiously more so the one of Mr toad who's diary has reminded me of how bad this addiction can really be. What upset me was when he started to ridicule other members who had been offering there help and positive comments. Today I had noticed a few nasty comments he had written to a few members diaries. And this is where it came to a head for me. If you read through my comments on other members diaries I never post a negative comment. It's just my emotions got the better of me today. And after thinking about it I realised I was in the wrong and I should support all members no matter what they chose to do. Also well done on your recovery you are one of members who all us newbies look up to. James

Final thoughts of this evening.

Is passive aggressive a by product of addiction?

&

Is Hugh Hefner happy?

Wired . com

Or is addiction a by product of passive aggression? If we don't know how to deal with and express anger, sadness, rage...if we learn to stuff it down and not let it out...do we then seek refuge from it in addiction?

And no, HH isn't happy. But he thinks he is.

LifeBegins x

Hi lovely man, so glad to hear from you again.

I have recently been suffering really badly from Optical Rectumitis - this is when the nerve in your ar.se gets tangled up with the nerve in your eye and you get a sh.itty outlook on life but pleased to say that it is curable and am self medicating at the moment and the prognosis is reasonably good with remission on the cards . No doubt will get further outbreaks but will use this wonderful site for prevention.

Stay safe and well and hugs to you once more. xxx

Wow, group huddle hai DF.

My only thoughts for this day -

I wish Rome was built in a day.
&
For today, I'll follow my own advice, You can only try your best!

We can only do our best dear V. And we should aknowledge our hard work on the way.

You're doing great! ☺

Ps. Crazy me, was looking for the definitions of passive aggressive yesterday (me nooo Eeenglish so ya know...lol), but it filled my knowledge pack with more understanding so thank you for mentioning it! ☺..it does make sense.

Hope you have a good day...keeep vrrrrrrroooommiiinn'ggg 😉

Hi volcano, thank you for you msg on my diary earlier have accidentally flagged it as abusive and can't contact forum admin as my mails not working, Sorry buddy Fat fingers !

Alan, that's ok, im always doing it despite my shortage of fingers☺

I'm hearing the lyrics.
Understanding the words.
Slowly waking from the slumber.
Happy ish waking moments.
Tears healing the past
Reaching for the stars
From the learned abyss

A avid sun reading, bricklaying poet. Time to go back to my day job

A need to get this down...

Another therapist session finishes. Keeping a open mind as far as that's concerned as she seems to talk more than me? Do find my self drifting and say please give me a chance to talk. Maybe I'm the therapist. f**k, she's going to be one confused lass ....

But committed, nothing ventured, nothing gained!!

Understanding more the concept of the 12 steps. Have always thought the answer I seek is at the end of this nose ..... Breaking through....... Am guessing even with the best intention of the world, that despite best intentions of fiends, that your not going to listen untill your ready...

I see it in these diarys and in my self the repeat of -

I'm being honest.
I give to society.
im a great person
I'm humble..
blah De blah de blah..

I think it's just the denial keeping us enslaved.. Hence the values and perspective we need to reconnect with. We can keep shooting from the roof tops and try to convince ourselves but it's a big dollop of b.s.

When I'm in the grip of addiction I tend to massage the forehead and brush the hair back, trying to get the mind back into gear, I guess.... Is this common??

We're all one, things level.. And to me is a positive I'm going to retain, at least for now unless told otherwise....

Either breaking into madness or breaking through to me as I seek the balance in this lifetime....

Paul.

Fella I have experienced the same in a room with a therapist, I saw it as my very own good will hunting moment.

As they say my friend, take what works for you and ditch the rest.

Fookety f**k we have enough excess baggage of our own,don't pick up any more!

I used to religiously buy the 'current bun' every day, straight to the racing pages and the sporting news, longing for an edge, or a justification for entering the ring once again, all knowing that it wouldn't stop with a flutter on the horses, it would as ever end up with the fobt and the walk of shame.

Don't bother with a paper any more, lol my eldest signed my phone up to the guardian so I can keep up with the news.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Keep doing what works for you.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

How kind to send me a potion mr wizardy man however the last five parcels sent here over the recent holiday have disapeared in transit as Herpes delivery drivers will not walk down my lane to the boat so they mysteriously vanish (the parcels not the drivers). I am less needful of potions as words are becoming salves today, reading on here the thought and feelings of others calming me and making life just that little less threatening. As part of my job I work with therapists on a daily basis and do find it strange to hear your experiences as they are, or should be, listening vessels facilitating you in a safe environment to voice your thoughts and feelings and in so doing enabling you to gain more insight so do hope things improve and you gain something from your efforts although can't believe you don't speak swan, I talk to them and the ducks on a daily basis and boy do they talk some f*****g sense. Swim about all day with your mates, eat when you are hungry, sit on the rivebank in the sunshine, what more could you ask in life other than to keep the foxes a bay. Oh well off to make the plumber who is mending my loo again at great expense a cup of tea. One further thought before I go, was thinking last night about balance and how hard it is when you stand on top of a see saw in the middle like we did as children with one foot either side trying to keep your balance as compared to sitting in the seat at either end gently upping and downing. Think I have been stood in the middle for way too long, time to take a seat and enjoy. Speak soon, hugs. xxx

Dunc's and DF will be Straight back at you, but now time to go into a brain freeze....& sleep.

Have had a 6/10 week, which is pretty good in any body's book. But at least a couple of times from a state of chill, have experienced an overwhelming sadness, with the tears flowing freely ...

Tears of healing, as I

"turn and feel the strange "
Ch- ch- changes.....

RIP D.B.

Reasons to be cheerful. Part 4.

The very thirsty pig.
The ever increasing Slee ' s
& Frogs.

RIP I.D.

Now to replicate Rip Van Winkle.

Glad I was able to make you smile.

I've been reading back through your diary and if I wore a hat, I'd take it off to you. It can't have been easy sharing your thoughts and details about your past but I'm a great believer in getting to the cause rather than just concentrating on the effect. Your talk of pandora's box reminded me of a radio 2 broadcast I listened to recently, about adults who'd suffered abuse as children but had never spoken about it. One person described her descent into addiction and risky behaviour following it and another said how she couldn't bring it out in the open because of the effect it would have on the other people in her family. I found it really hard to understand why she wouldn't speak out, but as she described how the family dynamic would change and the amount of responsibility she would feel for that (plus the possible disbelief of the family and the thought they might turn against her) I started to understand. She described how she hated the man with a passion and yet she still had to see him at family events. I couldn't even begin to understand how she managed to live with that. I guess, she stuffed it down and lived with it. What else could she do?

I'm not saying this is relevant to your life so please don't be offended. Your recent posts just bought that back to me.

Finding the right therapist isn't always easy. As with romace, you've sometimes got to kiss a few frogs before you find the right one. If she doesn't let you get a word in next session it might be time to pucker up!!

Sleep well.

LifeBegins x