Easy liВЈe/ fast liВЈe Dervkidd

Thanks Volcano,

I have been reading some of your literature & Deanos. I must say it really opens up my mind to things...

Where I'm at in this very moment is a little bit of discomfort...I would say it is probably the most challenging time since I started my recovery....

I am looking for ways to avoid people...I feel totally in isolation and know I need to make money...My old friend 'lady luck' has been nagging me...She swears that she will fulfill my dreams and I will never have to work alongside morons again...

As I stated in my previous post "The clouded judgement and breakdown of communication seems to always favour others...It is this type of thing that drives people to take risks with their health..I.e addictions"...

I'm really feeling like that at the moment....

I found something out about my personality trait and thought of you guys, just to let you know a bit more about myself:

MELANCHOLIC — The Melancholic temperament is fundamentally introverted & thoughtful. Melancholies are often referred to as “the thinker.” Their analytical personality’s desire caution and restraint, best at attending to details and in analyzing problems too difficult for others. They tend to be deep-thinkers and feelers who often see the negative attributes of life, rather than the good and positive things. They are self-reliant and independent and get wholly involved in what they are doing. Melancholies can be highly creative in activities such as art, literature, music, health-care and ministry, and can become preoccupied with the tragedy and cruelty in the world; they long to make a significant and lasting difference in the world. Melancholies usually have a high degree of perfectionist tendencies, especially in regards to their own lives or performance. They are serious, purposeful, analytical, musical, artistic, talented, creative, self-sacrificing, conscien-tious, idealistic, philosophical, and are genius prone. They are also very “introspective” and hold themselves to a very high standard — one that can rarely be achieved. They tend to be highly organized, schedule oriented, economical, tidy, neat, detail conscious, finish what they start, like charts, graphs, figures and lists, see the problems and are able to identify creative solutions with ease. Sadly, many Melancholies are also victims of deep bouts of depression that come from great dissatisfaction, disappointment, hurtful words or events. Melancholy personalities are people who have a deep love for others, while usually holding themselves in contempt. In short, melancholies take life very seriously (too much so sometimes) and it often leaves them feeling blue, helpless or even hopeless. Because they are deeply caring people, they make great doctors, nurses, social workers, ministers, and teachers. This comes from a deep sense of what others are feeling or experiencing and the inward need to reach out and do something in order to help them. They are extremely loyal in friendships; there is an old saying that goes like this: “If you have a Melancholy for a friend, you have a friend for life.” Most Melancholies have a low self-image, are inclined toward depression, think “self-promotion” is tacky, are continually into “fixing themselves,” are notoriously “guilty” (they have an over-active conscious), and tend to worry much too often about their health.

Hello Derv,

Funny enough I devoured the meaning of ' melancholy ' when I first heard it on here, despite thinking labels can be unhelpful, it's still interesting to realise that I can both relate to a word and also realise that I'm not alone or unique in my thinking.... if that makes sense ? Can also mix deep and light so good to find a balance

Being creative or even being inspired with things are both things that spend a bit of time in my thoughts. It's worth exploring. I've seen some things in my time what people rave about and I've kept mouth shut wondering what the hell there seeing but of late nature has started to become a little passion..... note to me !

How's about you ?, finding a passion, can be anything I guess, creativity, more travel , education !! Anything at all!!

There can be a lot of hypocrisy in stuff I right on here, I'm sure I'm not alone. So, despite finding my self in the trap of isolation quite often , it is indeed a dangerous trap and somehow you need to get out there and find something small to focus on.. Other people's clouded minds can have a detrimental effect on us but have we not been guilty of that in the past ? I have!! Keep the barriers up and swerve them if necessary and be around people who you would portray to be. Easier said than done I know.

Keep throwing your thoughts out there but I'll share some good advice I've had on here and that's to not get caught in the theory side of things. Get out there and mix, you really can't do it by yourself. And cabin fever is a friend of addiction.

Don't try and think your self to re(dis)covery

Wishing you well

True,

today I cut my net useage and realised something,

I feel better...

I read that the net makes people depressed, constantly changing what you want to do or view at the click of a button...It starts of good, all those endorphins being released when you chop and change you web page, the problem with that is; in the end you become immune to feeling good because you become accustomed to it..Another words, the endorphins dry up and that leaves you feeling dissatisfyed....A number of people also cannot commit to anything, ie being able to listen to anyone anymore, and having no time...Another point is people tend to want things right away, for instance a job promotion; then they leave because they never got what they wanted when they wanted it...You can compare it to a social network post that no one read, or waiting for absolutely anything....Yet still, you dont have to wait on the internet?! ..........Remind you of anything? FOBTS...The play out exactly the same, so fast and keep that high....It wouldnt surprise me if they allow unlimited bets just to keep the endorphins flowing?

All this stuff ,technology, that is-hasn't been around too long..Therefore, what has happened is disasterous! No one is conditioned yet to deal with all of this! And the Government knows!

Peace...

164 Days in,

Hi, the Earth still manages to wobble and rotate as I type. However, it has been tilting towards the Sun recently and lots of things have been happening. I am slightly looking forward to the next month and how things develop...

Yesterday was my 42th birthday, and ...I made it!

Okay, I dont have any money, don't own property and have a mountain of other issues...Yet still, I'm alive and kicking which is a blessing!

I went out last night and for the first time in my life I realised that I'm getting much older now...Don't get me wrong I miss my youth, but I am pleasantly reassured that actually, I aint missing much... I stuck to bottled water whilst other were spending £1000's on intoxicating liquer and over inflated table prices...

Back to work tomorrow, getting ready for bed and trying to fathom how I can avoid being in stressful situations and how to manage them? There is no gold standard to do this...The best thing for stress may be just by ignoring it, instead of trying to manage it...However, there is such things that are totally irresponsible which is 'gambling addiction'.

I have been exercising frequently lately and am starting to slowly reap the rewards of my effort...

I guess that, life is brilliant but the instruction list is endless and that's where all the problems begin...

...164 days is a great comeback.. I am fighting for my life!

I never knew it would be a struggle and want it so badly to be easier, I love my family and people in general but sometimes you realise that you are alone and it's scary...

Peace

I talk a lot...

However, 169 Days!!!

182 days...

Hi,

I am back to day 1 again unfortunately.

Last week I cam back off holiday and thought to myself; I wont be able to get outta this rut that I'm in...So, I decided to do the lootto. Anyway, cut a long story short....I lost.

In the meantime, I decided to go for a tan which is convieniently situated in an Arcade. The lady was busy with a customer and I was impatiently waiting which led me to be easily tempted to put some money in the machine. I lost a few quid and then decided to go and recoup in the bookies.At the end of the day- I ended up winning £********* ***.

After about 1 week, I had itchy fingers again so I played today all day and lost everything...Around £**<****

I am upset about it because I have not gambled since last November. I can see my mistakes clearly and am kicking myself for going back to my old way...

Easy li£e.

Morning fella.
I know that every time I walked with money from an episode, that I would be back, I would repay that win back and some!!!
A fella who attended my GA room for more than 25 years (rip Dave) used to often say when asked why did he come to the room every week for so many years??
He would say I am waiting for the day when someone walks through those doors because they need help because they can't stop winning!!!!
There's a black and white irony in those words for me because addiction is like an itch that whilst active never left my mind,it consumed my every thought,I committed to it fully and no matter how much destruction I waved,how devastating the outcome I couldn't see past the next punt.
You have walked the same road before,time to pull off to a different one.
The money is gone,accept your loss and in doing so gift yourself the opportunity to create change.
I wish you well and hope the latest episode promotes you to create change.
That would make that a priceless lesson would it not?
Abstain and maintain
Duncs.

Thanks,

Duncanmac...you are right, it sure will be a priceless lesson if I manage the situation correctly.

Thanks for the support,

I'm no brain expert...But they managed to take my savings/wages yet again...