Exhausted everything

So today is day 1 and I will not gamble today, I am feeling stressed and confused after yesterdays gambling session. I am in huge debt, I have to face this and accept that the money I lost is gone. Now I need to start trying put a plan in place, for my finances and also coping mechanisms for when I am stressed and depression is bad.

Things are not going to be easy now, even with not gambling but at least they will not be getting worse. I will take one day at a time and I will not gamble today....

Hi, glad you've posted, you've started to climb that ladder again, you said you have been here before, so you know the score, the will to stop gambling, determination, honesty, yes it is gut wrenching/sickening feeling about the last gamble,,, But thats where it stops for me that was my LAST gamble, im burying it and getting on , its gonna take time i know, but i also know that my life will be better in the future.. Ive made an appointment with the C A B next week to get my finances sorted out, and i am on the level with them about my gambling addiction, cos thats what it is. All the best , Keep posting... Guard up, Rainman

Thanks Rainman,

The honesty part is hard, I mean being honest with ourselves not just with others. Good to hear your accepting the situation and being positive about putting in place a plan too. I wish you a bright future

Day 2 - Gambling Free, because I choose not to gamble today.

I feel very anxious today and also negative, I’m struggling to feel positive about the future and I am having panic attacks over what will happen to me. I am also feeling sadness, over my life and how disconnected I feel. I realise now, that I have gambled in the past to hide from feelings which are overwhelming me.

I will read through some of the self-help literature, I know I need to make changes in other parts of my life. I have to accept and face the things that need to change not try to escape them through other things like gambling, which only adds to my problems. I need things to feel positive about and to feel positive about myself...things cannot be fixed over night, these things will take time, the difference is I am not making them worse now.

Day 3 - Gambling free by my choice.

I have started the SMART recovery course, as I am trying to learn to cope with the triggers and urges, that drive my gamblimg. I have also accepted that gambling has become my number one priority in a table of things I value, it is as I have put it above all other things and risked and damaged or lost my health, family,friends, work, hobbies and more...all these things have suffered for me to spend time and money gambling and through the impact on my mental health it has had.

So gambling is still the top of my table but now it is not gambling is my main value, as I do not not want to damage anymore all the other things I appreciate.

Day 4 - Gambling free by my choice.

I have thought a lot about my priorities, if I gamble I am placing it before everything else as it damages everything else in my life, the thought that I have placed it as my number one priority makes me feel sick.

Day 5 - Gambling free by my choice

I had therapy today, it is about my depression but today is about trying to put positives into my life, I was honest and explained about the gambling too, rather than hiding it as I have in the past. They were great, not judgemental but going to try help me change to other more positive actions and experiences and also to be able to face difficult thoughts and feelings not try to escape them.

I am trying to focus on some new long term goals, something which I found hard when gambling as I knew really that if I kept gambling the future would just keep getting worse for me. I will look at positive goals for my future, I will not place a few seconds of instant gratification above all this.

Day 6 - Gambling free by my choice

I am pleased today, as it was a stressfull day due to pressure which is related to me being able to pursue my career goals. I still did not gamble though and at the moment temptation is low. The techniques for seeing it as instant gratifaication which destroys me accomplishing long term goals, which are based around my important values, seem to be working.

The roulette is my weakness which I run to when something doesn't go right in the day , the buzz of winning "free money" then going out to treat myself , but the harsh reality is I also lost thousands , strange we only count the few victories over the other endless losing days.

I am considering therapy , taking a different route to try and focus on something else , early days and I hope you get the help you need.

Hi john040886

I have found therapy to help, it helps me cope with urges to know the causes.

Day 7 - Gambling free by my choice

So today makes it a week since I last gambled, I need keep my focus though. I cannot be complacent and let my guard down, I need keep working the self-help literature and to start trying to make the lifestyle changes that will help me cope in the future.

Day 8 - Gambling free by my choice

Just checking in, I need to log daily still as it keeps up my resolve. One day at a time but if I can do 8 days without gambling then I can manage one day and I need to just stay free one day at a time.

Hello,

Well done on getting past the week mark. I know the weekends can be a tough time and there will be and are tests to face all along this journey for us all. I also had over 10k debt and thats the obvious thing to think about at the start of this journey. Its brutal to feel like we've woken up to our addiction facing a 5 figure debt to sort out. I started off paying it down with every penny i could. Gradually as i've worked through my recovery i've seen that it will go down and i can live a good life along side that debt and i've actually decreased the payments i make.

The truth is we are broken somewhere. We "use" gambling to fill some void within us. Money is merely the tokens we need to take part and the value of it is lost. It's not until we run out that we feel that value and its a scary feeling. The truth is, early on for sure we cannot trust ourselves with money. We don't understand its real life value. I know i got to the point of thinking "whats another £1000 of debt on top of what i already have". Its crazy talk. I was accepting of knowingly losing that money and for what? So i could continue to hide im my own little world because i wasn't happy with the life i had in the real world. If you can give up your finances to someone DO IT! Help yourself out as much as you can.

Its a complete rebuild. It takes time and effort. You have to want it because it doesn't happen as a default action to us addicts. The easiest thing is to keep gambing. Its what we know, its our sick "safe place" but its destroying us everyday we let it.

Take the steps you need to take. Be honest. Work on rebuilding your life to be what you want it to be. You have flaws, we all do. Work on them. One at a time, one day at a time. Big changes start with small steps.

All the best.

Day 10 - Gambling free by my choice

Still abstaining, today is already turning out to be stressful, with problems arising which are both financial and personal. This is when I would usually panic and seek escape through through gambling. I am trying to face my problems instead of making them worse.