I used to work for a bookies so this shouldn't have happened.
I watched people get into gambling problems and thought how silly can you be and even having to have conversations with them about it.
But one night I was bored on my own and decided to have a go online. I got my welcome bonus and won a bit of money so was quite happy but of course forgot about withdrawal limits on bonus funds so carried on and before I knew it it was gone.
It kind of started from there, taking £20 here 50 there. Then my partner kept asking why I was taking the money and I found myself making excuses and saying it was for other things. I felt shame and guilt because I should know better.
Before i knew it I'm trying to win more money to pay back credit card debt because I started using that.
Luckily one day my dad said he would pay off my credit card as a present. He didnt know why my credit card was so high though he just wanted to do something nice for me.
Credit card was paid and I felt lighter, but then I starting getting that craving again and I thought just one more we dabble.
Now my credit card is maxed out and I'm in a worse position.
I hate myself and feel so much shame and guilt. I feel sick!!
I have banned myself from all sites even ones in my maiden name but I feel like I need to tell someone but the shame I know I will feel makes me chicken out.
Day one and I'm trying to keep my mind off it all
I feel your pain, I’ve been gambling 25 years. I’m one of the sad people who used to be in your bookies saying 2nd again or 1 goal away. One of the ones that believed you can beat the bookie. What a t**t of a man I am. Well yesterday did a whole months wages again. So this is day 1 for me also.
hope you get through it.
Chris.
Hi XO and welcome.
Its not a stupidy or intelligence issue and there is no shame in reaching out for help.
Its an insidious devious addiction that weedles its way into us after we a tempted to have a go. It takes over very quickly and before long people are not in control of their own minds.
Make no mistake, It acts like a drug addiction and substance abuse. You need to tell people close because thats nothing compared to what the addiction has in store for you.
Its not an income scheme or a winners game...how could it ever have been? The gambling dens are not set up to hand you a living....Its the other way round...they dont want to do proper jobs so we were handing them a living.
You can make this history...Are you ready? You must tell people so they are not bailing you out again. I defrauded my parents in this way. I deluded myself but I was hiding the truth from them so the bottom line was I was defrauding them out of their money to fund a gambling addiction.
You need to be ready to face the truth. Thre is no shame because it affected people from all walks of life...it even addicts millionaires so its ultimately not about the money...the hook is the dopamine that the mind craves...the feeling of expectation is a unique and powerful drug thats been in man since the beginning of our species.
Why chicken out? Gambling has been destroying you. Telling someone is nothing compared with the feelings you have inside. Bottling it up will lead to serious depression and a tendency to escape by gambling again.
Its a born again moment...when you feel it you will get those words out. The forum is very good but telling people here is not the full openness and honesty that will save you
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Xoxo, hello and welcome.
Hooe your holding up, not meaning to sound harsh but dont be foolish and try to so this alone. Take it from me I've been gambling on and off for 7 years not everyday but in 7 years had around 5-6 binges lasting between 1-3 months the lat time 27 days ago was the final straw for me.
I nearly lost everything from the mortgage, car, down to the most important my partner and kids. I've never really wanted to admit I've had a problem but guess what I have, i am a cumpolsive gambler and I think the first steps to recovery is admitting this.
This time round I've started attending ga meetings which I've come to terms with this being part of my life now and recovery.
Tbh I feel so lucky for having such a supportive partner who's behind me every step of the way because she knows deep down I'm not a bad person even though g******* can turn us in to this.
Honesty plays a big part in getting better a also.
Us g******* are very sneaky and try nearly everything to cover our tracks. This time round I've handed total control of finances to my partner never done this before but from what I've been reading and watching this helps a lot. I've got no problem at all with this as long as it helps me and my family which it will.
Joydivider is right most of us suffer from depression and anxiety anyway so going it alone will only out more strain on your mental health.
You've made the first steps by coming to gamcare forum and talking about how you feel, this atm is helping me massively, you should try joining a thread mixer has created the 100 day gf challenge a lot of motivational speech in that forum.
I hope to hear back from you soon, I'll check back to see if you have updated, but from my experience I would be as open and honest as you can.
Take care xoxoxo.
So far so good as havnt gambled. Dont get me wrong I've thought about it allot!
I think it scary how quickly things can get out of control. Christmas was a bit of a distraction and helped but it's trying to stop that part of you that convinces you it's alright, one more wont hurt.
I still havnt opened up about my problem to anyone. I just know it's going to be a horrendous day when i do. My partner is talking about money troubles and I'm like you dont know the half of it.
As some of you were saying I know I have to say something at some point. I do suffer anxiety and depression but I also have another reason why I take medication to cope with this. I guess this stuff help with recovery either.
I'm trying my best and taking it one day at a time
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