Day 76....... home from a great family holiday ( first one in 3 years), in the past i would be looking at ways to reclaim some of the money spent on the holiday by gambling but not any more, starting to value money again and not just thinking of it as gambling tokens, slowly starting to get my life back again but still very much a case of work in progress and each day gf feels like a small victory.
Morning Diary...............Day 78 today, things are very much up & down for me at the minute, have my good days with no thoughts of gambling then other days all i can think of is how to win some money back.The blocks i have in place are doing there job i know they can be breached but at the very least they give me time to think straight, determind to see this out for the long term but its just a case of getting past 1 day at a time and taking it from there
Day 80................ plenty of ups and downs these past 80 days but the main thing is i am still gamble free, still finding it hard to let go of money lost and it eats away at me all the time but the blocks i now have in place makes it difficult for me to place that first bet, next goal is the 100 day mark but trying not to get to far ahead of myself and still very much a case of taking 1 day at a time
Congratulations chartom on 80 Days without a bet. You have done really.
Glad you enjoyed the holiday with your family. Holidays are something that always stay in my mind even from childhood. Happy days and happy memories.
I gather from reading the diaries that holding onto the past is a real stumbling block for many of us. We know we need to move on but there is always something to remind us of our folly. Accepting that we have been totally defeated by the bookies is a bitter pill to swallow. I think part of us still harbours the belief that we can turn things around and win all our money back, or at the very least some of it. I wonder how long it takes these delusional thoughts to leave us! A day, a week, a year or maybe more! I don't know.
I think we have to accept we have made mistakes in the past but what is done is done and can't be undone. It's never too late to change, the rest of our life starts now this minute and we can do with it whatever we please. We can choose to gamble and lay waste to everything we hold dear, or we can abstain from gambling and try to find fulfillment with whatever else comes our way.
You can do it, I think getting to 100 is like going up the stairs 1 at a time, and then you reach three figures and you feel comfortable to do 2 at a time, I count the numbers as it feels like getting away from something you dont want anymore, but the something you dont want still wants you, after 100 then 200 then the 365, 13/08/2018. Keep Going.
Day 82........ On my guard as its the weekend and lots of sport on which is what i would have mostly bet on, really do envy those people who can do a 5 team acc and win or lose just leave it at that, but i am not one of those people and one bet can lead to £1000 s down the hole so i need to stay super focused.No been easy lately with some days better than others but a gf Christmas is my target and then i will take it from there......Wishing everyone on here i good weekend....
Evening Diary...... Day 83 and glad its nearly over , one of the hardest days since i quit, constant thoughts of how to win some money back even found my self looking at odds and trying to log into betting sites, would definatly be back to day 1 without the blocks i have in place...... going to have an early night and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Morning Diary.............. Day 85, glad to see the back of the weekend it is when i really struggle the most feeling alot better today with no thoughts of gambling,money worries remain but cant let myself add to them by going back to my old ways
Hi Chartom,
Really glad you made it through what sounds like a troublesome weekend and am also grateful that you have a diary.
I'm right at the start of the process, where I've been before and seeing people who have managed nearly three months is inspiring. You've done an absolutely brilliant job. It sounds like it hasn't been easy, but I'm guessing there isn't a way that would be as such, otherwise we wouldn't be having to fight this evil.
Anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for posting, you make what I want seem attainable. Keep it up and I will keep reading your diary and hopefully by the time you double your current days without gambling and reach the half year mark, I will be at my 3 month mark.
Take care and have a great week, Tom.
86 days since i last gave money to the gambling industry........ eventully got word back about my councilling and my first session will be thursday will be done over the phone as i live to far away for face to face, dont really know what to expect but feel i need something different this time as with willpower alone i only seem to last so long before i relapse
Afternoon Diary..... Had my first over the phone councilling session today, went really well and was good to get a few things off my chest, have another one arranged for next week and am hoping that this could be the something extra i was looking for, back to trying to take it a day at a time.
Morning Diary............Day 90 still fighting the demons plenty of ups and downs, good and bad days but for today i wont gamble.
Congratulations on 90 Days GF Chartom. One day at a time is a good approach to recovery and that's what i'm aiming for.
Day 95 .... Have my second councilling session this morning, has come at a good time cause i have found it really difficult lately with constant thoughts of gambling, hanging in there though and trying to keep my mind occupied on other things, most days are a battle with myself lately and each day reached still gf is a small victory.
Evening diary...... had my second over the phone councilling session yesterday, went well was good to talk to someone as i have mostly keep my gambling problem to myself, still finding it hard right now been looking at odds/fixtures etc but the blocks i have in place have given me time to come to my sences, dont want to undo all my hard work will keep fighting one day at a time
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