First steps

Hi Dickyo

Thank you very much for your support on my diary, this has gone a long way in getting me over 100 days so thank you.

Sorry I've not been on here in a while, been very busy. Sounds like you are finding it tough at the moment but sometimes this hardship gets us in the mood to fight this problem head on.

You can do this Dickyo, I know it can be disheartening when you have a slip but we must get back on the wagon and use it as a lesson and learn from it. Think of something you want, maybe that's not that expensive and treat yourself when you get to maybe 100 days or so. You need goals and rewards, i;ve found this really helps.

Keep posting mate, hope things are still going ok.

Jimbo

Thanks for the support Jimbooo

19 days now.

Trying to keep busy. I feel stronger to tackle this now. I keep thinking about what I have to loose, not only the money, family, friends and a complete waste of time! I don't think there are any people who are better off by having a gambling addiction.

I have a weeks holiday in Egypt to look forward to in April, so all is good as this was paid for with money that I would have otherwise gambled away.

Keep thinking about the positives by not gambling. I don't feel so depressed, I have more money in my pocket to spend on my family making them happy which makes me happy.

Keep strong everyone, life is better without this addiction!

Dickyo

Hi Dickyo,

You could write reams and reams of positives to not gambling. Gambling makes you a completely different person. I was an absolute @r*e of a person when I was feeding my habit. For no other cause would I lie point blank to my mum's face. This makes me feel sick just typing it but it's true.

I think it's great you're able to get away in April, you need to have rewards and see what the gamble free life is all about.

Now I've stopped gambling for over 100 days, I can finally afford to buy myself some new clothes. A lot of my clothes are about 10 years old lol! This is all down to gambling, I like to buy clothes but over the last 10 years, gambling has been more important to me. I'm actually laughing typing this because I earn quite a good wage and this should never happen yet I have nothing to my name.

Keep plodding on mate, it's not an easy journey but the path is definitely not rocky like the one we are used to.

Take care mate, sorry for rambling but the England game is about as boring as my training day at work.

Jimbo

Its been a long time since I last came on here.

Well I did re-lapse, beat myself up for a bit, re-lapsed again and again. Now I'm back. 25 days today since I last gambled.

I realise that this will be a constant battle, probably for the rest of my life.

We all give in from time to time, but need to come back and fight. Don't stop fighting people!

Best of luck to you all!

Dickyo

Relapsed time and time again! Not been on here for a while, but I am going stick with it this time as I know it helped me the last time. I thought I didn't need the support, but now realise I still do and probably will for a very long time. If no-one reads this at least I'm getting it off my chest.

Great to read Jimbo is still going strong! Keep it up fella

Day 3

Still feel like c**P after losing £1100 on Wednesday. Need to look forward though and not backwards. I am in a good position at the moment. Good job, good family life and not in too much debt that a couple of months of gambling can't put right. Need to remember what is important and being tied to gambling certainly isn't!

Day 5

Still beating myself up and thinking what a better christmas my family would have had if i'd not gambled.

determind to stay away from slots and realise this is a life long change I have to make.

I will do it!

Day 6

Thinking now that part of the reason I gamble is down to jealousy. Jealous of what other people have and trying to get it fast track by gambling my way there. I have more than most people will ever have. A fantastic family and friends, nice home, good job, so why the hell do I gamble? I'll ask myself this next time I get the urge.

Dickyo

Day 7

Got the urge today, but one week down and trying to stay strong. Reading back through previous posts I think is helping and encouraging me to steer clear. I keep thinking that a small gamble wouldn't hurt, but I know It won't be just a small gamble and I will be back to square one feeling like an idiot again!

One win will only make me feel good for a short time, staying gamble free will eventually make me feel better for a much longer time!

Stay strong people

Dickyo

Hi dickyo, I know what you are saying about the thinking that playing a little won't hurt. I struggle with this all the time. I have been clean of gambling for periods of time and it's that thought of playing a little that gets me started... if not right away eventually a feww weeks later I've gone out and lost hundreds. Congratulations on day 7! Way to go. Stay strong odaat. t2

Day 8

Thanks Tara!

Feels like it would be so easy to just have a small bet to get my fix, but I know this would lead to more.

Need to look to the future. If I had continued gambling I would probably have lost £300 in the past week if not more.

It does feel like keeping this diary is helping as looking back I can see I am achieving something good and this is just the start!

Stay strong, think positive and don't make some nameless fat cat boss rich!

Dickyo

Day 11

Not going too bad. I am thinking less and less about gambling. Should get through weekend ok as I have a busy one.

Day 13

I gave up smoking 3 and a half years ago. It took me several attempts as I thought the odd one wouldn't hurt, but I would have one and then start smoking again. I decided after the last time I attempted to quit that I could no longer have that one cigarette as it led to me smoking more and more. The same I think applies to gambling. You cannot just have one small bet. This leads to more and more, bringing you back to square one.

I am determind not to bet again!

Good luck anyone that reads this.

Dickyo

dickyo wrote: Its been a long time since I last came on here.

Well I did re-lapse, beat myself up for a bit, re-lapsed again and again. Now I'm back. 25 days today since I last gambled.
I realise that this will be a constant battle, probably for the rest of my life.
We all give in from time to time, but need to come back and fight. Don't stop fighting people!

Best of luck to you all!

Dickyo

I had a lapse at the weekend, as you'll probably know if you've been on the boards. I've splurged everywhere this weekend trying to make sense of it and talk sense into myself. I didn't lose a vast amount on this binge, I realised during gambling online that it was all wrong and needed to stop. During my previous recovery journey this wouldn't have happened. I'd have carried on until I'd made such a massive crater in my debts I'd be distraught. Then have to face the reality of what I've done.

I'm not sure our slips put us back into square one. This road is a bumpy one with ups and downs and the odd mistake. I certainly don't feel I'm back at square one. I stopped myself continuing gambling before it got way out of hand this time. I faced my mistake immediately. I felt devastated for ruining being 18 months gamble free (that might leave me disappointed for a while) but I'm ready to continue recovery. Hopefully stronger and more determined than ever before!

Good luck. - You can do it!

Valid point pinky... I don't think we go back to the start with a relapse. I seem to edge closer to my goal rather than getting there in one go. Make no mistake being able to do it at the first attempt is the preferred route to avoid additional stress. Keep the faith.

Day 14

Pinky and Change thanks for the comments. To me it felt like back to square one, but having read your comments, you are totally right. It is just a step back. Need to focus on the future, not forget the past but learn from it. Learn to take myself out of the situations where I may gamble.

The temptation to have that one bet is getting slightly easier, as I feel more in control as the days go by. Its not on my mind as often as it used to be.

Stay positive everyone!

Dickyo