Focussed and not willing to give in.

Hey i am 22year old man. I have been gambling last 10 years on and off. My bets has been so large and i have been really addicted to roulette and take so big risks on all in bets. I have lost many times my all savings on couple of bets. I have managed to win some times small financial frees and lost it all in next days. I am addicted of that tension on gambling and the feeling of do i win or lose. You know when your heart is beating and you can feel alive and you know its all on the table and everything can change on one bet. I managed to win good money lately and something happened to me. I wanted to stop i didnt want to risk it anymore and i tell you it wasnt that big money compared to my other wins. I just got feeling that if i dont stop now i will ruin my life and i managed to stop and atleast one time beat the casino. Now i have good savings and i dont have any debt ( i never took any debt) i told my self that doesnt matter how much i lose i never take debt. Now iam on my recovery journey and i can tell you its not easy. Every day i keep thinking about gambling but i havent gambled. I want it to stop here i have seen this road too many times and how it ends. I have plans for my future and everything is going now like i have planned. I really trust my self rn. I know that i cant place a bet never again. I am gambling addict my whole life and one bet would ruin everything. I hate how i have been to my family because of my mood swings of gambling. I really hope my life turns around now and this hell ends up.

Day 64 gamble free and feeling okay. Missed my first GA this week since starting on Day 1.  I missed it. Played on my mind all day. Wondered how everyone got on. Hoping nobody slipped.  It's become part of my life.  It acts as a reminder for me and a good one at that.  I'm a compulsive gambler and cannot forget it.  Too much to lose. Came so close to losing it all and still rebuilding trust back from the very bottom, don't plan on missing another GA for a few months now! 

I'm working right through to my "honeymoon" at the end of May so lots to look forward too for an amazing holiday but also lots of reason to stay on the "straight and narrow" and not gamble. I'm missing my old gaming community still and wonder how they are. I'm thrilled still I got through Cheltenham but mindful that Aintree is coming up soon. 

Baby steps day by day but I've got this. 

Well done Dazza 👏👏. Lovely to still read that you are sticking to your guns to remain g.f.  A lovely goal to aim for also and I bet deep down, your wife will really appreciate/be in need of this also. It can only have been a terrible time for her too but hopefully, she is starting to see what can happen if her husband stays away from gambling. 🙏

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Hi mate 64 days is an amazing achievement just shows how thing can improve no matter what the circumstances am on currently 626 days with out a bet still plodding along, i have learnt alot since signing onto gamcare i no longer take my days for granted coming on here regularly keeps me on the right track, for me gambling was 99% what causes all my issues financial problems to stress time wasted none stop regrets i would always find ways of blaming everyone else for my own undoing, the deception of gambling is what continued to keep me in the fire has i had no control i would always blame myself as i simply couldnt stop coming on here made me realise i wasent alone and if i continued on this journery it will get alot worse fortunately i had my family support so i was able to pay my debt within short period of time i learnt the only way forward was to make it as difficult for myself putting all blocks in place i also learnt gambling itself was what was causing 99% of my problems the stress finanical worries and the truma it was all related gambling consumed me and i missed out on so much of life, i am greatful from all the support gamcare has offered me i also realise i cannot take recovery for granted so coming on here regulary keeps my mind engaged im still one bet away from a disaster, keep doing what u are doing things will only improve you have got this💪🏻

Thanks guys I really appreciate your responses, as cliche as it sounds it really does help to know others read the posts.  Today is 69 days gamble free and overall the last few days have been good.  A lot of working with little down time but it's kept me busy.  No thoughts to gamble, but I am glad to re attend GA tomorrow after missing my first one last week.  Had an incident in my family this week where my aunty has found out her daughter has been flowing a considerable amount of money online gaming using her mums credit card.  Was talking to her just today and it made me realize this was me. I was that douchebag spending money I didn't have losing it all and cheating my wife into working extra shifts so we could survive.  I advises my aunty that her daughter needs to accept accountability but I guess it was quite triggering as this was me not so long ago. It made me feel a bit rubbish but I talked it out with my wife this evening and im glad I did. No more secrets in my life that's the way I want to step forward always. 

@dazza85 

Well done staying gamble free Dazza. 

Yours is one of the diaries I regularly check and it's good to know you have been able to stay clean this long. Just remember why you are doing this if temptation ever rears it's ugly head.

I hit a 3 week streak and then relapsed but am now on day 7 since.

Just wanted to say your updates have been an inspiration.

Keep going lad!

@d602n8icoj  keep that focus mate honestly you got this. Keep shouting and talking about it to everyone that will listen, myself included buddy.  In these 69 days it feels refreshing to accept who I am. Accept there's just stuff I must stay away from. For me online gaming is a no. I must be #1 and il buy my way into the top every single time.  For me I can't ever sports bet again because I will never stop I will always every single time take the winnings straight into the casino. Once I got that into my head that even a win is really a loss in the end it all became easier.  I will never win because I won't stop. So the only way to win is to not start in the first place.  Then your hard earned money is yours.  That's the way mate.  I'm pretty tired tonight so apologies if that didn't make any sense.  I'm really glad my posts have helped you, it really makes being here even more worthwhile 

We got this together mate 

Been keeping a close eye on your diary mate, its a happy read for me. Not because you've hit your lowest and had to resort to getting help on here, but because it shows a man who's grasped this addiction head on and done everything they can to beat it. So happy home life is working out for you. Was worried for you for a bit. Brought back memories of my start to this story and I'm glad yours worked out for the best.

You're pushing to the 100 days quickly. Flies by doesn't it? Amazing how much more time you have to do things for you and the family now. Keep up the great work mate and keep the diary updated. Keeps me motivated, and makes me smile 😊

Stay strong 👍 

Thanks Fish I appreciate that! It's been made easier on the journey knowing decent people like yourself are checking in. Today is day 72 gamble free and I'm doing okay.  Was good to attend GA this week it was missed the week previous and I felt rubbish for not going.  Big holiday at the end of May is most of my focus now, definitely reason not to consider a bet! 

A friend mentioned Aintree this weekend and I felt really good that it had completely missed my radar.  I had no clue it was even this weekend so I feel quite good today that my gambling brain has shifted slightly.  Even since the recent cheltenham I feel different for Aintree. 

Overall positive I truly believe the constant reminders that I'm a compulsive gambler are helping me move away from the compulsion. I believe talking about it to those I can and keeping it alive and on the agenda is helping most. 

Busy weekend ahead but hopefully by next week I'm edging towards 80 days. 

Great work Dazza, the days are certainly clocking up for you. Make sure to celebrate that 100 mark, was certainly a big moment for me 🙂

Day 74 gamble free and on the interest of always being true to myself in this diary I have to accept today is a bad day.  It's my day off, the sun is out and I absolutely know tonight is the grand national.  I worked out it's probably been 25 years of betting on the grand national Saturday. 

By now I would usually have stashed together a considerable amount to throw on random horses with silly odds in the attempt one comes in.  I recall last year blowing my brains on my credit cards and savings to cover as many as I physically could for the joint favourite to come home.  Of course I never covered the favourite not enough return fory gambling brain! 

I've tried to refrain from as much as possible about today's racing but now it's here I can't listen to the radio or watch the TV without something being on.  On a side note I think the government really need to face facts and ban gambling adverts like they did with tobacco ads years ago. 

I'm okay. My wife is off with me and I've spoken to her and told her I'm in a bit of a struggle today.  She's keeping me busy soon spending money on gardening and holidays planning. I need that I think. 

74 days gamble free but I woke up today most certainly wondering if a small bet would hurt me. Yes it would Dazza. Yes it would. 

I just wrote a long post and it didn't submit or something which is slightly annoying because it took me ages to write it and think about the what I wanted to say. Maybe it will appear again above soon I don't know? 

I guess in a quick summary today I'm struggling a little with Aintree being here.  I won't gamble but I've had thoughts of gambling and they have been enough for me to want to write a post here. 

@dazza85 Well done Dazza on remaining g.f on one of the most famous horse racing events in the world! Also in my hometown. You need to congratulate yourself this evening and give yourself a good pat on the back!👏👏👏👏👏.

It’s only natural for you to have these thoughts if you have behaved that way for so long but the fact you did not act on those thoughts is commendable.

Keep going and I say YES to the gardening! It can be so therapeutic and the time flys by!👌

Take care.

Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Thanks Pink Lady, got through my first Grand National without piling money in from everywhere in so many years! 

Next year it won't be my first time "not betting" and it should feel easier I imagine so I'm over the moon to have gotten through both Cheltenham and Aintree.  Close the door to both of them. I did have moments yesterday including walking past the bookies and seeing the ads.  Special note really to my wife yesterday she intentionally (or unintentionally) kept me very busy we had a lovely early dinner out at a nice country pub then did some of the gardening shopping then came home and sorted things out there. Kept me busy until at least 20:00 which I probably needed. 

Onto another day anyway and thankfully 75 days gamble free. 

@dazza85 👌👏👏👏👏💪

🩷🍎.