Ok. This is it. Today is the last day I will ever gamble. I have had enough. No matter what the temptation, the remorse over losses, I will not let myself be deceived by my urges. They only show me half the side of the coin. The other half of the coin and one that has always happened is me losing control over my gambling and ending up with losses. Each and every attempt to recover my losses has only resulted in an increase in previous losses and in my present case an increase in my present debt. I cannot let this go on like this. I cannot let my life and everything I worked for in life and value in life be destroyed like this. Gambling is not the solution to my problems. It is not the solution to my financial problems either. It is THE cause of my financial problems and the reason for my present misery. If I do not stop now, my tomorrow will be destroyed. I will be destroyed. It is either me or it now. No matter what the consequences of my past gambling misadventures. No matter how painful the current misery. No matter how much hardship I will face in the future. No matter what, I will not gamble again, ever. The past is past. The present is what it is. I will stand up to it. Gambling is not the solution to my present and future maladies. Gambling will be the cause of my life's destruction in the future. I will NOT gamble again. Period.
Inspiration: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fyodor_Dostoyevsky
Welcome to the 1st day of the rest of your life WillDo79 🙂
Thank you ODAAT. That is a very powerful and empowering sentence. The 1st day of the rest of my life. Casting the past away, embracing the belief in me, starting a new chapter and a new begining. Wish you the best in your struggle. May this struggle bring out the best in us and we come out transformed into wise, proud and stronger individuals. The challenges ahead are for our own benefit, for our own growth, for our own emancipation.
An excerpt from an analysis of Dostoevsky's The Gambler below highlights the peril that we all have experienced. The loss of control while Gambling. The loss of reason and in Dostoevsky's words the deadliest of all "repugnant to test my test my thoughts and actions by any moral standard whatever"
"Aleksei acknowledges the impact of his state of mind on his moral orientation: “I
notice one thing: that of late it has become horribly repugnant to me to
test my thoughts and actions by any moral standard whatever” (393). As a
result, Aleksei manages to do damage not only to himself, but to those
who love him as well. By the end of the novel, Aleksei has been reduced
to an especially grim state in Dostoevsky’s fictional world: he is
essentially “dead,” although physically he still clings to life."
Day 2. Strong urges. Reading stories on this forum is helping me. They resonate with my own story. Chasing losses, losing money. Coming face to face with one's failings and losses of this magnitude is a terrible thing. However if I do not stop the losses will be even greater and they will not be just financial. Being unemployed does not help too. Being in debt does not help too. Will have to draw upon all my inner strength to face my life situation. I have a wonderfully supportive partner who has been very positive when I told my gambling problems to her. I do not want to lose her. Keeping strong, one day at a time.
You disappeared on me...Hopefully you are keeping your strength up - ODAAT
Hi ODAAT
Thank you for keeping a watch on me. I unfortunately slipped again and am back to square one. Feeling very upset and today is Day 1 again. No words to explain how painful it is. Straddled with shame and guilt at the moment. Making a fresh start again today. Hope you are keeping strong and are well.
Day 2 for you already...
I second NearlyThere & really think you should print your first post out & keep it close to hand to help you find strength when the urges come! It is powerful & determined so you know you have it in you to Ninja chop them away next time they hit.
Never give up giving up, it's not going to come easy but you will find strength on these pages & ways to fight that you may never had considered before - ODAAT
Thanks NT and ODAAT. That indeed is a terrific advice. Day 3 now.
Day 4 today. Saw the below video last night and today as well. The second bit where a recovering gambler talks about his experiences is very motivating.
Met a friend for a drink yesterday night and had too much beer. Was drunk. Later slipped again losing significant money. No excuses for this but shows alcohol can cause relapse. Day 1 again. The fight continues.
Will....that's been my downfall most of the time.....since I joined last week and (I am now on day 8)....I haven't got drunk once...I've still drunk a few.....but I have started to change the way I drink. I drank too quickly, for me,....now I have slowed down my drinking significantly and so very consiously.....I have been incredibly conscious of drinking slowly....I have found that when I reached that slight buzz....I realised it was time to stop...and I have done.....I stopped and I went home...and that's what I have been doing.....I hope it continues.....I don't want to reach that 'don't give a S***e' zone and 100's later....then the next morning feeling mortified.....am beginning to wake up ever so slightly happier and calmer....keep trying Will....
Great attitude...Never give up giving up!
How about only taking beer money next time you get on it? Look how quickly you got to Day 4 before...You WillDo it because you CanDo it - ODAAT
Thank you ODAAT and Freddie. Had strong urges today but holding on.
WillDo79.....I have just written on my own recovery diary.....I am leaving the computer now.....I am 'accidentaly' leaving my cards here...I have 30 quid in my pocket.....I am going for a 'couple' of beers that I am looking forward to...because I think I will just enjoy the beers this time..it's also my 'reward' for acheiving what I had hoped to acheive this week.....then I'm going home......going home and looking forward to hopefully...a slightly alcoholic hangover.....instead of the dreaded gambling hangover....which as we know is way, way worse....but combined is total evil.....I WANT a slightly alcoholic hangover on it's own tomorrow...which will be a MASSIVE day 10 for me double digits...!!!!!!!!! I'm now logging off and hope that all of you have a great weekend....please be good to yourselves!!
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