Fresh start

Hello to you both and thanks for your comments.

Wishicouldstop - Couldn't agree more with what you said. Betting on the national was a bad idea. I think I felt like I was in control and that because I don't usually bet on horses and because I don't bet in a bookies that I would be fine and it wouldn't impact me. I enjoyed it and enjoyed the buzz and subcontiously I think this then led to me betting again online.

Anotherpunter - It's annoying because surely there is only so many times you can say your going to give up and fail before people stop believing you will/want to quit. I was finally getting back to a better financial position and I had got out of my overdraft that betting had put me in (not talking massive amounts, but enough to be an issue). I thought in my head I was cured (silly I know) and got complacent. I thought £10 won't hurt, and that's just let to me chasing and chasing.

This is my first relapse since quitting so I dunno, maybe it's a good thing in a way and has shocked me into the reality that is you can never let your guard down.

I see you are 47 days GF. That's great work. How have you been finding it?

RA

How have I been finding it? Tough some days, easier others - alcohol a trigger, boredom a trigger, a high at work makes me want to "celebrate", a low makes it me v the world and sod them all I'll have a few spins. In short, I'm a gambler who has currently stopped because it is sooo destructive, but I could go back to it tomorrow.

I was feeling strong urges when I decided to read the forums and found your thread RA and I felt the misery in your words, but the determination too.

You and I, RA, are gamblers and we will gamble whenever we can. It's good that you're thinking of your credibility and your reputation if you say you're going to stop - it's another force acting against the gambling. I gave up smoking by picturing a friend who was forever talking of quitting f**s but never could. Did NOT want to be that person and it helped me fight the urges.

You're doing well RA and if this is your first slip and you learn from it you're stronger now than you were before the slip. Don't feel you need to slip more though to become even stronger!!

I reckon you can do this but WICS is right people like us can't be near gambling or do gambling at any stake. Pity, cos I liked it but I'm pretty sure it was destructive from day one in childhood.

The urges will always be ready to ambush and it was only reading posts here that I have truly opened my eyes to the extent of my problem and that has stopped me deceiving myself that I can do one bet.

Ramble over - you post here on how you're doing and I'll read it as you regain double digits, 25, 50 and further.

Well you certainly did the right thing coming here when you have urges. I spent a lot of time on here and chat in the first 4 weeks of my 57 days GF. I then stopped when in truth I should have carried on as the support has been amazing. Like you said, even reading someone's post or thread can help.

You've done really well to get to where you are now and not cave. It shows that you can do it, and that given the urges you are strong enough not to give in.

Will be keeping an eye on your posts too, and now about to have a read through your story. We can help each other out and provide support if needed.

Thanks again. RA

Hi RA - I think that over time the days when gambling just doesn't cross your kind gets much higher. But you can be unprepared then when the urges come and I think they probably always do.

So, yesterday was hard going, today not so much - busy at work, seeing a mate later on for a few beers, Leicester likely to win Premiership (not my team, but puts a bit of soul back in to football)...

How about you RA - ready to give it another go or has the lapse really put you off your stride? I'm lucky - FOBTs in the bookies are my thing so home is sanctuary and so is anywhere else as long as I can walk past the doorway of the bookies. There's a lot of footie on the box and I imagine it's difficult to leave the odds alone? Not my thing, so can't help really but could you treat yourself to something if you call a score the right way - put the "stake" in a jar and it's yours if you "win" and you save it if you lose? At least you keep the money and there is a consequence to the result? Just an idea - anything has to be better than giving up giving up.

If you want to spout off on the forum, there'll be better equipped people than me to add their thoughts. Describing your triggers might help others too - after all, not doing something that we say we don't want to do should be easy right? But here we all are, clubbing together because it's just not that simple is it.

Let us know how you're doing though - no judgement on here...

Yes I'm fully committed to giving up and racking up the GF days again. I think I'm in a better mood about it because it's payday tomorrow, and although my stint over the last two weekends has left me short for May, my usual binges seen to happen at the start or middle of the month, meaning I have ages to wait for money again. That being said I must be on my guard still.

If I'm being honest, not betting on football doesn't bother me as much. In the last 4 odd months when I've been gambling I was betting on things like in play tennis and basketball, because it was a quicker thrill, and the bet was settled quicker. The more I think of that the crazy it is. It's just throwing money away. The good thing about not betting on the football however is actually being able to enjoy it for what it is, rather than willing on teams to get corners, or for there to be a certain number of goals!

RA

Payday today. Not really got any spare cash for much let alone gambling so I have no choice not to have a bet which is good.

Been reading a few posts and stories about people chasing that Big win, and that got me thinking about my own betting habbits. I would very rarely put an Acca on to win hundreds or thousands, or put £10 on a correct score or FGS. The last 6 months it was always over/under points on inplay basketball or betting on someone to win the first set in tennis. The odds are never over evens. So all I was ever going to win was £4-£5. What was I ever going to do with that??!! In my head I was picturing myself slowly building up a balance and then withdrawing. But I never had a limit set in my own head, so when did I think I was going to stop??? I would keep depositing after the losses, chasing and trying to win £10 back. If I got to £10 I would kid myself into thinking I could double it.

Crazy really when you think about it. It doesn't make any sense. But hopefully with me writing it down I can read this post back if I ever feel an urge and it will give me the kick up the a*s I need to do the right thing.

RA

It is amazing RA - stay off gambling for even a little while and you do wonder what the hell you've been doing.

My thing was FOBT fruit machine style games. I'd be a grown man in a betting shop playing a childish game, with noises, flashing lights and based on a cartoon character or a picture of a knight/ gladiator/ viking. Anyone over 10 years of age would see it as very childish so why did I have to play them?

I suspect that there are experts in psychology on the bookies side tapping in to immaturity and unresolved childhood issues of compulsive gamblers - bright colours, build the tension with noise when a special feature is possible, then bring you crashing down to earth. The heart beats hard, endorphins pump and you go again.

I cringe when I think about the games that I played.

Good to see the GF days on the up again by the way RA - 4 now isn't it!? Three day weekend after pay day sounds like you've got a T junction coming up - good plans for the weekend I hope!?

When I stopped smoking I reckoned that it took three days for the physical addiction to ease up, but then the mental side kicked in and was harder. Gambling is different for sure - strong physical and mental hold but does seem to get a bit easier day to day as you put distance between where you are now and your last gamble.

Hope you can keep swimming away from the whirlpool RA - every kick of the legs/ day GF moves you away from danger.

Reading back, my post comes across a bit preachy RA and apologies for that - just wishing you well for the breakthrough weekend!!

Cheers AP.

Doesn't come across preachy at all AP, all advice is more than welcome. I've occasionally played things like roulette and blackjack online and when I went to Vegas and cab totally see how it draws people in, and I think your 100% right in what you said about them employing specialists to draw you in and keep you hooked!

I'm keeping pretty busy this weekend which is good. Will be watching football Sunday but I'm pretty confident I won't be having a bet. Not got any online accounts left now I don't think after closing them all last week. My weakness is just how easy it is to open new ones. But I'm not going to let that happen!

Have a good bank holiday AP and everyone else reading. Hope you all keep GF and enjoy it.

RA

GF bank holiday weekend. One week under the belt.

RA

Yes!! Well done RA - safely back on the wagon (as safe as any if us) - your earlier posts suggest that first half month has most temptation. Any idea why and how you'll get past it this time?

I'm really pleased for you!

Hey AP! Not got any specific plans or tactics really. Just trying to keep busy and not think about gambling, also trying to think about how good it will feel to have spare money left, and the things I will eventually be able to spend it on.

I see your still GF on 57 days. How have you been finding it since going over 50 days???

RA

Hi RA - yep, 57 days under the belt and the urges are different.

Some days it doesn't even cross my mind if I don't come on here to consciously think about it. Then I get a little thought, wouldn't it be nice to just have a few spins. Nothing heavy, just a few goes, might even be good to show some control, show I've got it beat. In fact I probably OUGHT to have a few spins to properly cement my recovery...

It's just the gambling gremlin getting desperate (try saying that ten times really fast) and so far I've not caved. Thing is, once I've had the thought I feel a bit edgy for the rest of the day, like some of the old desire has woken up.

I guess I feel okay most of the time, but I'm not sure keeping busy wins out over time. There was quite a provocative post by Johnson (I like provocative - challenges my thinking) that I commented on yesterday with my home grown psychobabble on stages of getting off gambling.

Probably just me wanting to be able to win against the demon once and for all. I would like to weaken the urges though as I've read a lot of posts on here and have seen strong, confident people appear to have it beaten, only to relapse after massive amounts of time.

I truly hate bookies as they know that their profits can only exist through people losing. From the profit warnings of one well known firm due to self exclusions, problem gamblers are clearly part of the business model.

Double figures today RA - you've dealt with your relapse really well, far better than I have in the past, so you must have real determination to stop. Nice one, AP.

2 weeks GF now. Not really given it a lot of thought which is good. I do occasionally see the scores and wonder what I would have picked, but it's only ever a passing thought.

Onto 3 weeks.

RA

Checking in at 3 weeks.

RA

Nice one!