Gamble Free December 2018

Thank you Sharon, Chartom, Sandra, Shaun and Merry Go Round. I appreciate your kind words of support and encouragement.

Christmas approaches and hopefully everyone can stay gamble free. I personally am visiting my sister and her family which will be good.

Unfortunately I have an inflammation in my eyes which is not responding to antibiotic eye drops. I see the doctor again tomorrow so see what he thinks. I am disappointed because it was not long ago I had cataract operations on my eyes so I returned to the eye hospital but they had discharged me already....stephen

I am being referred back to eye hospital so hoping for a quick appointment. Eyes sore and red.

Gamble Free December is going according to plan. Last night I was sat upstairs on the bus to Salsa class. A journey that passes 4 betting shops (all of which I am self-excluded from). Out of curiosity I glanced through the windows at the poor unfortunates on the fobt machines. I say poor unfortunates but as likely as not it will be their families who suffer the most.

No doubt it will take a fair bit of courage, integrity and common sense to stay gamble free but I believe this is my time. I am on a mission ... stephen

Hi Stephen

Hope your eye improves soon. I am pleased despite the health set back you didn’t run to gambling as it could have been a trigger, that is a sign you are winning at gambling. It would be great for all of us to have a gamble free Xmas and look forward to the new year with hope. Take care and speak soon and well done again for not turning to gambling.

Shaun

Thank you Shaun. I have an emergency appointment at eye hospital this afternoon. I am pleased they are seeing me and hope they can sort it out. Eyes are bloodshot and sore but GP couldn't see any inflammation so i don't know what to make of it.

Regarding gambling I can honestly say I have had enough of it.

Cometh the hour cometh the man

Well the man is me and i'm here to get the job done once and for all...stephen

Visited Eye Hospital today.

They prescribed me steroid and lubricating eye drops to help with the healing.

Return in 4 weeks to see how I'm feeling.

The nurse was real cute and she gazed in my eyes

I couldn't help but admire her long shapely desk ...stephen

Hi Stephen thanks so much for such a lovely post on my diary. I haven't really had time this week to check in or do anything but work. So today I'm getting my Christmas stuff up together and relaxing. Take care of yourself(and your eye!) and here is to many more GF days hugs S x

Thank you Sharon. Wishing you every happiness as Christmas rapidly approaches. I am going to visit my sister and her family to join in the celebrations. Whatever else I am doing on Christmas day I will not forget to raise my glass as a tribute to friends like yourself.

Hello Diary... Many times I've talked the talk. Well now I'm walking the walk.

I am now following in the footsteps of brave and courageous souls who have stayed strong in the face of adversity and remained gamble free. I promise this time I will stay true to my word and continue on this gamble free adventure. Shoulder to shoulder with my gamcare friends I will not be afraid.

With hope in my heart and a smile on my face I will just keep going forward, one step at a time...stephen

Troublesome gambling demons in yellow vests trashing my brain.

BUT I WILL STAND MY GROUND

The money in the bank is for christmas. Stephen

Don't be stupid Stephen like me. Keep that money in your bank. It's a fantastic feeling knowing that if you need a little something you have the money to be able to go and get it.
You know, as well as I do, gamble with that money and you can kiss goodbye to a great Christmas. We cannot win because we cannot stop. As much as we tell ourselves that we will, when we get our gambling head on common sense just goes out of the window.
Remember that terrible feeling after having just lost and for what??? You don't need it, you deserve better. Hold your head up high this Christmas, enjoy the festivities, safe in the knowledge that you're in charge of those troublesome demons, tell them to take a hike because you've got better things to do!!!
I'm proud of you for all of your efforts, we all know that it's not easy. Christmas is a time for enjoyment, spending time with family and friends. Gamble and you may as well just kiss your money and Christmas goodbye because its no fun socialising when all you want to do is beat yourself up and hide in a corner.
You can do this Stephen, I know that you can. All good wishes x

In my mind a gambling addict is either gambling or in recovery.

There is an abundance of opinions, advice and information which all point to the dangers associated with having a small wager here and there or even just having a little flutter on this or that.

Gambling addiction loves to play mind games with compulsive gamblers who are in denial. Some gamblers who played this game are now deceased whilst others live alone after being divorced and possibly fired from their jobs. Some live on the streets after being abandoned by everyone. Some are even in prison.

Yes the addiction may come along pretending to be a friend but we know deep down that it is all lies, deception and trickery.

So is it ok for a compulsive gambler to have a scratch card, raffle ticket or a little flutter on this and that OR is it just the thin end of the wedge?

Whilst I am on my soapbox I would also like to question the motive of anyone who comes on the diaries painting a pretty picture of gambling and claiming to have won loads of money, even if they lost it afterwards. Many on the diaries are really struggling to keep it all together and I don't think stories like that are particularly helpful to them.

Anyway that's my opinion for what its worth but I'm just a sad old fool anyway so take it with a pinch of salt...stephen

PS. Many thanks Little Miss Lost for posting on my diary. It is just what I needed because I have been feeling quite vulnerable today. I have replied on your diary. X

I really really liked this post Stephen. As always your candid and up front perspective has been well received by me... Thanks for this post...

So is it ok for a compulsive gambler to have a scratch card, raffle ticket or a little flutter on this and that OR is it just the thin end of the wedge?

No way IMO. You just reminded me that countless times I have been GF for long periods then a drunken spin on the fruity or a tenner on the FOBT leads me to rue the loss... I can't let it go like 'normal' people would... The bets get bigger when I get home and open up the laptop... Then the bank is called in the morning for a loan or to extend overdraft. All over a lost tenner.

So to compound your view, a categoric no from me re. flirting with gambling after admitting defeat to it. Play with fire and you will get burnt... Maybe not that particular time but in the end you will... It's that simple really.

Whilst I am on my soapbox I would also like to question the motive of anyone who comes on the diaries painting a pretty picture of gambling and claiming to have won loads of money, even if they lost it afterwards. Many on the diaries are really struggling to keep it all together and I don't think stories like that are particularly helpful to them.

Right... re this point this has been a bugbear of mine for ages and I haven't had enough conviction to speak up about it, I'm glad you did.

Especially in the early days of my recovery and using this site I was all over the place. Everyone knows the initial period is fraught with the potential of a 'quick-fix', especially with gambling fresh in the mind after doing your load and your mind plays tricks on you saying that one big win will alleviate all the pain caused.

You come on here for help, support and advice and you get that for sure. You look at other day 1 stories - if anything for comfort in the fact that you're not alone in your crazy ways... This helps with the ownership of gambling as a psychological disorder rather than consuming yourself with self-loathing because you literally must be the most horrible, selfish human being on the planet.

But the problem is too many day 1 stories feature people starting a diary after losing a load, winning it all back, then losing it again... And the people in question always seem to focus on the money won, as if they were just the victim of unfortunate circumstances rather than a gambling addiction. It's not good for people to read stuff like that in the early days. I hate to say it but at least 3 or 4 times I almost gambled again in the first few weeks of my recovery after reading content on here about 30k wins in one night and "I lost 10k in and hour then won it back again, now I need help as I've acknowledged I have a problem'
Of course people are just being honest and there is no malice or intent in what they are saying, but I do seriously worry about people starting recovery diaries on here, reading content like the aforementioned, thinking it may be possible to recreate their big win, then hitting it hard to try and make that happen.

Obviously we don't have stats or data to verify what I am alleging as the people who may have done this won't be coming back to their diary after doing their load again! If anything they will resent the forum for putting the idea in their heads!

I just wanted to add to Stephens point by saying the above scenario almost occurred with me on a number of occasions. If I track my early diary entries in Gamcare I could pinpoint the ones where my resolve was significantly weakened as a direct result of reading content on here of that nature.

Im not blaming anyone, I'm not pointing the finger (I am a gamcare devotee!) I just wanted to add fuel to Stephens point as he has made a very very important one that probably needs to be looked at in some capacity. Nice one buddy.

Hi Stephen

Gambling will always try to tempt us, I remember at one of my attempts to stop, I never go into an arcade to play slots but something made me go in and lose money.

It’s quite natural to feel vulnerable and get an urge, we all get that, however, we don’t need to act on that urge has you have demonstrated, well done.

Just keep doing what you are doing, the gamble free days will mount up and it will get easier I promise. There are days and days where I don’t even think about gambling and I am extremely confident very soon you will be feeling like that also.

Shaun

Many thanks Signalman, Sean and Sandra. I really appreciate your taking the time to post on my diary.

I am feeling very positive today and have no desire to gamble. A sharp contrast to 2 days ago when I was pestered for most of the day with gambled related thoughts.

I have turned my back on gambling and walked away. The addiction will most likely stalk me for some time but I can choose to ignore it and it certainly cannot hurt me...stephen

Many thanks for visiting my diary Stephen, or are you the Dalai Lama in disguise?

As ever your words put a big smile on my face and are massively appreciated.

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas and prosperous (i.e. g.f. new year)!

Markman

Thank you friend for visiting my diary. To be likened to the Dalai Lama is indeed a great complement although I suspect you were just pulling my leg. Peace be with you anyway Markman. You come across as a noble seeker of the truth who has enormous potential but who sadly puts obstacles in his own way.

I am feeling rather good today and have no desire to gamble but reading the news earlier made me sad and angry because of all the injustice in the world. However, I cannot do anything to change the actions of others.

The Dalai Lama says: "Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace."

The Buddha phrased it a little differently but the message is very similar: "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."

The one thing I can change in the world is my own behaviour so I will focus on that. Staying gamble free is essential if I am to give meaning to my life.

As Jesus once said to his disciples: "Let's Rock n Roll." Or maybe that was Elvis, I'm not too sure! ...stephen