My worst Birthday....

Happy Birthday.. So.. Tomorrow is a new start to the rest of your life. Think of it as you helped someone keep a job. But now it's time to look after no.1 you. And Sunday 2nd December that is what you are going to do alright?

Bella xx

Thanks for your posts, San15 and Bella.

The morning after the day before.

Regret - check, upset - check, miserable - check.... etc etc

However, today I must continue the fight and guide myself to a better and healthier future.

I’ve been here many times before. Those dark clouds do eventually lift. I have to remain positive.

I know ALN, you’re right.

Things do need to change. I’ve made changes in the past, I’ve put extra blocks in place, I’ve told people in my life about my gambling habits, but yet I still continue. I need to further improve my ways of stopping gambling.

I hate to be harsh Dan but you really must get a grip on this. The addiction seems to be playing with your mind.

I imagine you have faults like everyone else but you are a good man at heart who has a lot to offer. Why not take back control of your life and realise your full potential.

People and events will throw all sorts of problems your way but I believe you can cope with that, providing you stop gambling and give yourself respect, kindness, love and support.

Cometh the hour - Cometh the man

The hour is now and the man is Dan

With a steely resolve and a heart full of hope

He'll get back his life cos he ain't no dope ...stephen

Thanks Stephen. I do need to get a grip on this, you’re right.

I think my biggest obstacle at the moment is letting go of my weekend’s losses. I’m smarting from that, big time. It’s hurt me a lot. Financially, I have no major worries. I still have some savings and all my bills, mortgage always get paid without fail.

But for some reason I feel pig sick with worry and guilt.

I need to just get through the rest of today and start all over again tomorrow. I know things will improve over time.

Hi Dan, thank-you for your post on my diary. I can only say it's the Gamstop that has saved me. I'm not a strong person, like yourself I have tried many times and failed. I even went as far as blocking myself on gamstop and then my husband let me sign onto new sites with his details. He isn't a gambler so didn't know the hold it had on me, he just thought it was a stress reliever for me, he had no idea the money I was spending. Common sense prevailed and we decided to block his name on Gamstop also. I also took myself to the drs and got an antidepressant. I am not panicking about money and that secret fix, which I think to me was half the driving force as well as anxiety. I finally feel at peace. I know the sick feeling after the night before, I think we all do. Put it behind you, set new aims. You are 32, so young don't let this illness cheat you anymore

Gamstop has been a big help to me too. I think had it not been for Gamstop, I would have probably trebled my recent losses.

Tomorrow I must start the process of excluding from bookies. This is the final avenue I have to gambling. I must admit, having not really been in the bookies for a long time, I neglected to self exclude from them because I didn’t think it was my thing anymore. I was solely focused on excluding online. But now I’ve resorted to using the bookies again, I realise that I must shut that avenue down too.

Even though I’ve heard that people have managed to bypass their self exclusions inside the shop, I would be far too embarassed to take that chance of being kicked out. I’m shy and anxious enough at the best of times.

I’m really feeling as though I can beat it this time.

As ALN has said previously, I may have subconciously not been ready to fully give up gambling. Even though I may have thought it myself. But now is my time.

I’m ready to show the world what I’m made of.

I’m also sick to death of seeing betting adverts on my Facebook/Twitter suggestions on my news feed. It makes me feel sick just seeing them, even when I was gambling. I was perhaps in denial about the type of person I had become over the years.

Strangely the adverts no longer annoy me, sometimes I watch and other times look away. Not a conscious decision..maybe anti depressants making me calm or possibly that I am all gambled out and no longer desire to do it..couldnt if I wanted to anyway so no longer see as a threat. Unfortunately I can see a lot more people facing the fate we have made for ourselves over the years and addictions slipping into people's lives. The government will let this continue at prime time on TV due to the tax that they get from the gambling industry. An epidemic jn the making !!

I couldn’t agree more! The growing number of problem gamblers in the UK is alarming. You only have to see the number of new posters that make their way onto this forum. I dream of a scenario where gambling in this country is banned.

Hi Dan

So glad you've come back on, you have drawn that line now and you will do it. You needed that full blockage in place, having any avenue open would always be a downfall no matter what. You have had nothing but good advice and kind words to us on here, now is the time to take your own advice and you will have all our support.

Belated birthday wishes for yesterday x

Dx

Thanks Donna. I don’t feel like I deserve that message after my broken promises over the last month or so.

This time feels different though. I’m making sure that no stone is unturned and that I can’t possibly gamble, even if I wanted to.

I want to go back to the Summer where I went 131 days without gambling and I looked and felt a million times better than I do right now.

Hope things are good with you. X

You most certainly do deserve it, relapsing is gut wrenching but you are not giving up and that's what matters, you come back and you keep fighting. Those final blocks will save you, along with your determination.

I'm not too bad, if I'm honest if I didn't have blocks there I would have relapsed over and over, most days I feel strong and can keep my mind occupied then I'll hear a radio ad mentioning some of the games I loved and bam I feel like I'm back at day one! It's hard this journey but we have to keep pushing forward.

Dx

It’s funny you should say that because I’ve been sitting in my home tonight and I’ve tried to keep away from the Sunday night football by listening to Magic FM on the telly....

I’ve heard 3 casino adverts in the last hour or so. They’re flippin everywhere!

I’m glad to hear that you’re doing well and that you remain gamble free. You’re an inspritarion to both myself and many others on this forum.

Thanks for your support tonight.

Dan x