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Good morning diary,

Jump start from dream world after another nightmare:-( my sleep getting worse, and i do talk in my sleep now....never did it before. It's like i sleep, but i'm still here...not deep in it...if this makes sense.

Sigh.......start a new day early, don't see myself getting back to sleep..

Day 105 and i will NOTgamble today.

Thinking of gambling....i hate it more and more. It not only take ur money, it takes ur time, loved ones, ur soul......and when ur life.....we wasn't born to deal with devil, we was born to work our way through this life....easy or not,happy or sad, hurdles or not....we have to face reality.....Gambling is not an escape route......it's destroying desease.

I am not running away from gambling, i will never be able to, i am not trying. The thing is, it's addiction and it will wait for my slip or low defence...i have to learn to live with it and say NO.

It is what it is.....my defence is high today, and i will always remember not to let my guard down...

Stay strong all

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hey Sandra ..

Good to see that your defences are high and you are letting those thoughts come and go and pass...

Its so hard to switch the brain off when it's used to being so active ..have you tried meditation? ..I guess your running and sports puts you in a trance like state especially running..maybe some of those meditation programmes may be good through the old headphones at night before nodding off...could promote a deeper sleep for you ...

Keep strong

R and D xxx

Lovely strong positive post. Keep those defences high your going brilliant. I love seeing it. This site seems to help so many I'm so glad I found this place. The support is great and I love seeing good people like yourself getting the help and support you deserve and fighting and beating this addiction. Nice one. Hope your having a nice weekend.

Hey Sandra

It sounds like you had a fab day at Butlins and faced a true test of your resolve- well done!!

Sorry to hear about the disturbed sleep- its hellish when you don't get what you need. Aside, stress, I know that nightshift plays havoc with sleep pattern. My pal swears that eating a banana before bed helps her to sleep (unsure if it really works- but hey, she seems to think so!).

Take care Sandra- you're doing great 🙂

Irene

x

Thank you guys, Rachel, Dave and Irene...it is most appreciated:) take care all

Dear diary,

Today was a good day, my sister come to see me, had a long chat and for once i felt i can feel relaxed in her company. Went for a run and few more exercises, so just chilling now and feel like won't be long till bed time.

No gambling thoughts,and i am pleased for that.

Another 4 days off left, nothing planned really, but i'm sure if some strong urges comes, i just try to log on and keep writing.Really helps me in this recovery, and i just DON'T WANT TO DO IT ANYMORE! It has ruined my life enough.....

Back to sleeping pattern...well Irene, i didn't eat banana for prob 3 years lol,not that keen on them....,it probably helps, but i never heard of it before. I can try an apple instead lol......thank you for you concern anyway xx

Anyway, if it comes to struggling tonight, i might use Rachel's suggestion and listen to some meditation....as i said, you will never know until you try:)

Take care all

I wish you well and keep on brighter side of the road

Day at a time

Sandra xxx

Hi Sandra... you seem to be more settled with your time off and coping well. I hope you enjoy the next few days without too many urges. I use to do a bit of meditation, I even went to an evening class to do it. Sat in a school classroom with like minded others watching a candle in contemplative mode. Once I got over the urge to laugh a lot I did find some peace in myself if only for the duration of the session. Take care now and thanks for your support... S.A 🙂

Relaxation Music - 1 Hour Meditation Candle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfpLea9OurA

Be sure to focus on the flame

Thanx SA, appreciate your intentions to help:)

see how it goes.

Take care all

S xx

Yes I also found that meditation candle boring. 😉

Have a good day and great stuff on your gamble free time... S.A 🙂

Dear diary,

Day 106 and looks like a good start:) Thanx again Rachel for suggestion and S.A following with tread for meditation...It really did help, i never experience something like that before...There is a peaceful and calm world out there lol...Fall asleep really quickly, woke up at 4, but only because heard my mate walking round the house getting ready for work..i did'n get up and went bk to sleep pretty quick:) so yea, 9 hours sleep is like heaven!

Looks beautiful outside, sun is shining, day off..Will go for my session with counsellor later and just make the most of today.

I will not gamble today, defenses still high and i know where to go in case of emergency 🙂 Log in here:)

That's it from me my dear soldiers, enjoy your day and keep making the right choices

Bless your hearts

Sandra x

Yo,

Hope your counselling went well . Sometimes it can be a bit painful and take you down only to bounce back in a better place than you were before you had it .

Hope you took your shades , what a beautiful day , mind you any day we do not bet is a beautiful day .

Hugs

Shiny xxxxxx

Hiya Sandra

Well over the 100 day mark now and still goin strong its good that ur understanding what we are all dealing with and that can only be done by abstaining for long periods this can only put u in good stead goin forward, I hope the counselling is goin well it worked wonders for me I know I wouldn't be where I am now without it

Keep doin what ur doin and be proud of it

Castle2

Thank you very much for your continued support dear soldiers:)

Hello diary,

Not sure how i feel, i think i have too much sleep lol....no pleasing me hehe...:)

Feel tired for some reason, 2 cups of coffee in half an hour? lol

Anyway, day 107, still get urges which i fully expect, but don't give them second thought. Today i will have day off from running, and just enjoy the sunshine later...For now, auntie Sandra going to babysit two 6 year olds...oh God, wish me luck lol:)

I will soon teach them few exercise routines lol, will take them for a walk with my lovely sister's Jack Russel and will make sure we all have a nice couple of hours of fun:)

Take care all

Day at a time

Wish you all continued strength and determination on your journeys.

Sandra x

Day 107 i will make it to tomorrow, as much as i feel wobbly, i have to do it no matter what..

Sandra x

I will get there. Lose my mind or not i will not give in x