...

What has helped me....... in recent months ......I used to allways get the voices of people i had seen that day....Friends, tv hosts, celebrities..... and i never said anything to those people after it happened....Id keep quiet...... Then last month after id seen a group of friends for my birthday i started to hear them in my head that night.... so i plucked up the courage and went on the whatsapp group for them and asked them if they were speaking to me telepathically at that moment.... They replied that they werent and the voices stopped for that night.....then i havent heard them in my head since then....

Maybe you could get your mum to text u when she hears you to clairify that ur not talking to her.....

Maybe it would help i dont know.... worth a try.

Adamxxx

Hiya just checking in.

Am too hot and sweaty to do a proper reply but from what i have read you seem to be doing mighty fine 🙂

Gamble free time building up again and busy with career and life.

Thoughts and hugs and smiles on there way to you right now lol x

Hi S,

I don't really know what to say, so I'll just say Hi! 

Sounds exciting to have a special mission. I felt sad when I was reading how accustomed to viewing traumatic scenes you have become. A job that someone has to do but it does leave its mark on the spirit, clearly.

Take care,

f x

Hey all,

Thanks a lot for the input. f...pls don't  be sad. Life changes people..I guess we adapt to the circumstances  life throws at us...I am honestly fine. 

SA...hug much accepted and appreciated..sweated one back attcha lol..heat is killing me today!

So,..diary

Ups and downs huh..im a bit down today cause I guess im tired. Not much sleep due to heat and lil one just so restless...bless her..all I hear is her plumping herself on the floorboards like 15 times a night as she is so hot...im so sorry she has to manage this heat. I do my all with cool showers and no walks in daylight but it's still too hot...bless her...

I managed to say NO to boss today. After being in the heat most of the day  plus no food for 20hrs and then here is him approaching  with a request  for another form to be filled in....I kinda snapped I think (respectfully  mind you SA ?) and said that I need at least 10mins to have something  to eat cause I feel like collapsing  on the spot here...and I truly felt this way at a time. No energy...flat...

It got sorted  and I had my food which automatically  lifted my mood....! And no paperwork  to do as other person was asked to do it instead ?...didn't pass the parcel I swear!!!

On serious  note...busy busy busy and ...now all this upcoming  and I am not ready cause I'm tired! Another self assessment  also on my doorstep  and I am panicking. It's like juggling too many balls at once. ..I feel like I could easily start dropping  them but something  tells me to keep the "show" going...I will  try my best..its for my benefit  I suppose...

No time to catch up with parents or sis. I'm a bit on a go again. Not much time for gym either but hoping  to pick that up! Even packed gym wear for the trip!

That's  me. Enough of hot weather. I want to cool down! (Age that is...can't hack my favourite heat any longer ?)

S&B xx

Ps..not even sure what day it is...Tues or Weds? I could easily look at watch or calendar  but no energy...right...just did - Tues 20th it is..

Hi diary,

Tuesd the 27th! Still accorss the pond but ready to head back! I think it was a success  even if end result  will only be announced  in two weeks time. Schedule  seems to move daily with this stuff ?

Good time spent all around and that's  a really massive  positive.  I got my foot in the direction  I wanted to go and now contact book has filled with few extra numbers  for that actually  to come to fruition ...who would of thought???

Miss my lil one like crazy...she is truly my breath and light for sure!

No time to think about harmful  stuff as it was busy busy busy...good....kept me sane! 

Thank you dear Lord for this and first day over here. ..im very grateful  ?

Blessings

S&B xx

Sounds like a great adventure you're having x

Private chat puzzled  me today. I was expecting  to be hung up  on...they  didn't. It felt strange.  Like     ....last word? Do you REALLY need to share  something...felt caring...and that puzzled  me.

Ummm..I never left (work wise) without  last word/opinion/wishes/ swear  word or worse. This made me think.  

So much to say but so lil words to voice . I worry about  new start. Worry about  a lot. Wanted to walk into bookies  today   ...why? I have no clue  about bets   . .but I wanted.

Memories haunts me today...death. tragic  ..pain...trauma.my life. f**k you dark side!!!

Awww, mate. We all have those days where our head is in bits. It's not nice, is it?

Hope things look better tomorrow

f x

Iv'e got no clue about bets either, its just the d**n machines.

Don't walk in the bookies, youl just have lots troubled souls watching you gamble and being inappropriate towards you.

We don't do harmful things towards ourselves anymore.

Hugs (((SA)) x

Thank you my dears....no, did not go in bookies as I would definitely feel out of place. Besides it's kinda social place so deffo not for me..

Right.. feel absolutely  poo! Have been for a few days. Throat is killing  me and runny nose on top. Zero appetite  and almost 38°c temp. No gym for 5 days and weight is dropping  off me daily...not good stuff...

It's not big C as tests came bk negative..still managing  work (just!!!) as we have zero staff. Very dire situation  at new work place and weight must be dragged by someone.  

Not much else to report. Heating  on for two days running  as I keep shaking  like leaf...got cold me thinks huh....

No energy  to even have urges and so I'm safe in that perspective. 11hrs shift awaits and dear Lord, give me strength! 

Honey tea here I come .....even if can't taste you!

Controlled  gambling....

Aha...heavy subject and can a CG actually  be responsible with any form or gambling? I read some posts and have to raise an eyebrow...its like....is it denial or delusion? Seriously?

I don't think I have problem  with scratchcards....but, it still used to bring losses. Are we so blind that we just ignore that we are still feeding  the addiction? ...get "likeminded" ppl on it and the party can go big caboo!

I have no problem  with ...ummmm...views and opinions.  ..but when someone  says "I'm in deep debt, but I gambled on something  which is not problematic  for me and lost £100's....?....(yup a smile at the end!...."..and then just gets pat on the back for it...like..WHATTT?

Anyway, before I'm all moderated for expressing this sensitive opinion I must say - people who just reads behind these pages, please consider responsibility  for your actions. If you're  here and think have a problem,  any form of gambling  will eventually  end up problematic...been there/ done that.

I think real recovery  requires  discipline...and you mainly seek that out in steps...ouch...so  not my cup of tea but I still think its the best way forward  tackling  this disease....so yup, I do recommend  it for others who are willing to open their eyes. Praise GA!

Lastly, I feel for poor souls who are no longer with us, who tried their  best to dig themselves out of the rabbit hole and who continued to succeed kindly sharing their recovery and goals on here... are turning  around in they graves after seeing where this site has got to.  .....

Controlled gambling  for CG - recipe for disaster..sooner or later.

S&B xx

Awww, your body is forcing you to rest. Clever body! 🙂 

Take care, best you can xx

Ha, yup Freda..body is very clever and shows us signs when we fail to notice them ourselves.  ...

I guess I did burn out. 3 weeks of solid "running" with only 2 days off in-between.  Even if trip was kinda relaxing  in its own strange way, it was all the flights and travel over there which tired us out indeed. Now I feel like I have proper break with few days off. No overtime.  ...I only now started to feel a bit better and even if still got this cold, I managed gym at least! Also decided to cook (finally) as last few days I didn't  eat at all...just felt S***e.

Noticed that my finances  looks a lot better recently.  Maybe cause I didn't  spend much last few weeks as trip and pocked money was paid up ...and I actually  brought it all back!...plus whilst over there I was pocketing  overtime every day so...yeah, strangely  I am v relaxed about money...not gonna lie, I don't  know what to do with it even if a lot of the house stuff needs doing.  Maybe just don't  know where to start and presently  have no motivation  for it.

Enjoying  time with lil princess  and she continues  to bring joy to my heart. Love her to pieces!!

No gambling thoughts...I am lying  here...I did want to get scratchcards  today. Not sure why I had those urges. Didn't  act on them. Phew.

Time for food and TV me thinks...stay well all

S&B xx

Glad you are OK and sound like your health is starting to return. 

As you well know, feeling you have "extra" money can be triggering. I wonder if you could just spend it on a practical gift card, like for a Supermarket you use often? That way, you will have use for it but it blocks you from feeling it is sitting there as "spare" money. Just an idea. I have done that myself, in the past.

Thanks Freda.  This is good suggestion  indeed and I never done this before  but maybe  it's time to protect  my finances in this way and continue to have food on the table.

Talking of food, I lack it a lot. Think first meal I had was around 9pm last night, same as a night before. Just don't  feel hungry.

Cold is clearing so feeling  a lot stronger  and finally  sense of smell came back which I kinda missed last few days. Glad I am recovering prior to work as truly didn't  want to feel like I did last week. It was a challenge!

Finally  found private secure space for lil one. It's not every day comfort as it's pricey but yesterday  we had a full hour of uninterrupted play and run. Saying  that, she gave up after around 15mins and just laid around a lot afterwards. I must keep in mind that she is not spring chicken  any more...and Saying that...I have few worries rising for her health. Last few days I noticed her tucking her tail between legs and back legs appear to give in a little.  Not sure how to describe this, but she leans on one rear leg or other and almost to the ground.  Can it be paralysis?

She does not show any sign of discomfort  or pain, or at least I cannot notice any and just these episodes now and again. She did this this morning again...but when she walks ok and wags her tail so truly not sure what's up with her. She will be 9 in April ....so I guess daily things are not as easy as previous  years. She eats and drinks tho, so that's  good. ..She stayed downstairs  till 4 am this morning  and it's strange because she is truly  cuddly girl and hardly leaves my side, esp when it's bed time...I don't  know, maybe I'm overthinking.  I just have this great love and worry about her. Truly want her well & healthy..

Me, well...apart from cold and appetite  loss, I am ok. Managed gym 2 days running  and today shall do leg day. Work commences  tomorrow  and some long shifts lined up again...I will survive.

No gambling,  thank you Lord.

S&B xx