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Hey Sandra, well done on your 100 days!!!

Fab achievement x

I was laughing at your post - does your housemate tell you what you are saying in your sleep? My husband mutters in his sleep - better than me though I grind my teeth - yuck!

Hope you enjoyed your run, have a great weekend xxx

Hey Sandra

I know that "dreaded nightshift" feeling so well. Never mind- it'll soon be over....the 1st shift back's always the worst.

Thanks so much for the support earlier- it means a lot to know that folk are there for me.

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you Blondie,Pinksparkle and Irene. Glad you all doing well and and wish you to have great weekends:-)

Good morning diary,

Had a good talk about my past gambling yesterday...i was becoming a stone heart lying animal..feel very ashamed of my actions .......and this recovery is the best thing happening in my life. I learn, i grow stronger, i am more confident and honest. I am me 🙂 and i like it!

Another day gamble free, all i want is sleep, so surely no gambling thoughts. Day 111 and i'm moving forward.

For the better tomorrow all

Take care

Day at a time

Sandra x

Sandra read your diary and found your story very inspiring gives me belief that this addiction can be beaten.

You are well on your way... which is great! I will continue to follow your journey! Have a great weekend!

Thanx Bobby, all the best on your journey:)

Dear diary,

A little kip, since cat decide to play with squeaky mouse all morning, really tired and out of this world, but even more optimistic about today, which i have a feeling can be hilarious day putting both together lol

No gambling thoughts, not much thoughts today, just ready for a mind battle with my "best" friend at work hehe...i will survive!

Keep at it all and have a amazing Saturday and enjoy your free life with your loved ones.

Take care

Sandra x

Dear diary,

Just before i go, i have come across this article,( excuse mistakes, because my translation not the best lol) .... i tried to work out why i feel a bit down recently. it will not make much sense for who is reading, it is just a little note for myself in this recovery.one of the things i need to work on.

MY OBSERVATIONS:

"Today, I feel powerless. I find it difficult and annoying state.

I want to find "get out" mode ... think of what to do about it ...

I know that helplessness show suppressed anger. So at some point I did not feel angry, and this has caused fatigue, helplessness, hopelessness.

Now I decide to find anger and say to him:

"I am unhappy, tired, stomach hurts, I know that this is somehow related to you ... What have i done to you anger to deserve this?"

Rage says to me:

"You have forgotten me, pushed into the deepest corner and pretended as if i wasn't there. You were furious yesterday on this colleague, but you didn't want to feel me. I had no where to disappear, I have caused you pain in your stomach, you still did not want to recognize me. Just took your medicine to not feel pain. "

Illuminates, as only now remember (understand is what has been suppressed in the subconscious). Yeah, I now know that the peer behavior made me very furious, she was wrong, but I paused, as usually I try to behave, I thought that I have to be understanding, I was afraid to express my feelings,to be rejected from the other co-workers, be poorly evaluated. would make it even more difficult to work, I feel guilty, defiant, rude ...

Okay, so I contemplated on why I felt powerless and I discovered anger. Sometimes I totally deaf by these feelings.

I know I should not be so scared to acknowledge anger. I am afraid to offend the other person, and to have this counterpart evil behavior. After all, I can find the right way to go about it. Tell about your feelings of another without offending, Without accusing.

When anger repress, it includes physical pain and the spiritual one."

" OBSERVED ANGER IS THE FIRST STEP TO NEW OPPORTUNITIES" (V.Satyr)

Conscious breathing or "Do not forget to breathe"

This is the easiest way to experience the balance.

Deep, full breathing not only provides the organs with oxygen, but also allows to realize emotions.

When air is trapped in the upper part of the chest, emotions are locked. There is only difficulty. Formation of unpleasant sensations in the body. Eventually they become permanent.

So i just learn, learn every day finding new feelings and recognizing my behavior.

All ready and spiritually clean:) Here i come dear colleagues

Don't forget to breath:)

Thank you diary.....

S x

Hi Sandra

That does make sense, anger is a difficult emotion to manage I think- if allowed to fester, it will make us less healthy. It is a bit of a puzzle sometimes, how to express the feeling effectively without causing too much damage.

Keep breathing Sandra 🙂

You're doing brill!

Take care

Irene

x

Hey Sandra

In recovery they often say to practice opposties and getting in touch with your feelings of anger may be a good thing to find balance ...but as Irene says its finding a way without causing too much damage ...

I'm the opposite I'm afraid ...I'm too in touch with my anger and rage ...it's the one emotion I feel 100% at home in..for me it's sadness I can't allow myself to feel and I surpress it..normally with anger.

Keep breathing xx

Morning Sandra

Great post it just shows what you can see end feel now and have the opportunity to deal with it as before when gambling played a part we couldn't see nothing else other than that

It's all part of that learning and understanding to get that better life we all desire and you are certainly doing that

Really pleased for you

Castle2

Thank you dear Irene, Rachel and Castle (((I))) (((R))) (((C)))

Helli diary,

Day 112 and i'm not gonna lie, not in the best place physically and emotionally....Emotions and moods being taken over by my other side ( split personality) but the battle continues and i will not give up:-) Physically......w*f? feel drained, forced myself for a jog, but didn't work out too well, feel constantly cold and tired....work, well have no comments really....had to take half night tonight so at least finish midnight. Trying to make the ends meet why i feel this way....weather, adapting to routine after holiday, coming out with cold or just ageing lol

Read Captain's diary and since the agreement not to post on each overs diaries i put my thoughts on mine....

I am always honest about how i feel. Why would i want to say i have lovely day if i feel cr**? And i'm sure everyone who reads my diary knows what a hell of a ride i am on...every day is different and brings something new. But the thing is, on my good days i feel so much better and happier and honest, and i know it's because that destructive habit is not playing a part in my life anymore. I don't think about it 24/7 and it's best feeling ever - peace of mind....

Yea, my life is not too exciting and i am my own best friend as well as biggest enemy, but i know aswell, that i can't have everything wonderfull happening at once...i need patience, i need to get my head back together and when i done that, i will explore the world, go out more, socialize and make important decitions for my future.

For now, gambling out of the picture and i'm slowly working on things to fill that void it left in my life.

It is what it is and i'm happy for that i become since come back to my senses.

Day at a time

Take care all

Sandra x ( forgetting yesterday and focusing on today)

Hello diary,

Just a little add on to my previous post. I feel happy!!!happy to read so many uplifting posts about others doing great on their journeys;-)

Have no time to write to each one of you, but it is something i take out of this site daily....believe and strentgh!

((((((((((((((( ALL GOOD PEOPLE ))))))))))))))))

Thank you for all your kind words and support....Gambling is past and it stays there! We can do it and we will!

( crazy moment over lol....too much sweeties in my system:-D)

Take care all

Sandra x

Good morning diary,

Day 113 and i still feel very inspired...feels like penny finally dropped and i'm getting my old self back.. i will do it, determination is strong and fantastic people on this site just holds it all together.

Today i will not gamble....no way.... i choose my life and feelings instead of motionless cold state of mind.

I am alive and kicking so just make the most of my day off later 🙂

Take care all and keep fighting the good fight.

Day at a time

Zzzzzz time for me 🙂

Sandra x

Hey Sandra,

Go girl!! Go!!! 🙂 -joanxxxx

Thanx Joan....same back to you, GO girl!:)

Dear diary,

As day progresses, i slowly getting into better spirits..wasn't the best start of the day, really big urges, but with my best friend's help i took my mind of it..So so pleased that somebody i really get on with are there on good times and bad...Really appreciated..

Cooking apple crumble for the first time lol, was a great fun, just see what's gonna come out of it:)

I am a fighter, and i'm pleased where i am so far...i want to do it, so only need to keep my guard up and believe in my abilities more:) i am determined to get to day 114:)

Day at a time, best approach bettering my life...no looking back.

Wish you all to find that inner peace with yourselves, everything is possible as long as you set your minds to it:)

Take care and stay strong

Sandra x

Hello diary,

Day 114! And i made through yesterday:-) another day -Sandra -1,evil habit -0...

Had tears in my eyes finding my mates post in f &f section. She is so supportive in real world as well. Sometimes i think i don't deserve being her friend, when i think what i put her through in last year...but that's what real friendships are all about...thanx Sofi:-)

Well, i feel a lot positive today, another day off and i'm ready to make the most of it. No urges ( thank god) and bearing in mind it's not the best weather outside i will think about something useful to do and even might go for my favourite hobby - run:-)

Keep strong all, i will catch up with your diaries later.

Day at a time

Sandra x