...

Hi sandra

Thanks for your nice words on my post, not had much chance to read anything today.

Glad things are going ok for you and that you have the support from your friend, i lost touch with a special friend a few years ago, we had been friends since school and i hate the fact that we lost touch.

Sorry this is short and sweet, take care and speak soon

lisa 🙂

Your post on my diary means a lot. Thank you.

Hi Sandra

Your posts are so positive to read. I'm so pleased that things are improving for you- all because you've made them improve 🙂

Take care

Irene

x

Hey Sandra,

Thanks for the post on my diary,looks like your doing great and you have someone to support you when the bad days hit.your right thats what friends are for to lift you up when you fall and to lean on until you get back on your feet your very lucky to have her.

Well done on racking up those days gamble free days hun,i know its abit late but glad you found your way here and met the great people on here :0)

Take the freedom not gambling gives you and run with it.

Stay Strong

L xx

Thank you all for your kind words:)

Please don't feel like you need to write me back if i left message for you, i do know how much it means to get a supportive post, and it helps me a lot knowing that if my words raise a smile or makes somebody think twice about the choices they make....that's all i need, posting and supporting is huge help on my own recovery......waffling and getting emotional here....:) sorry

Rachel, i did my research and learned a lot about the difference between them two feelings...Both very similar but very different as well..i always thought i get anger, but after some readings i realize that i'm getting rage, but not in a threatening way towards somebody...it's more towards myself, the anger escalates in rage, only couse of my past and i can loose control. i don't break or throw things around.... i keep it in...which is well bad behavior. I'm not saying to put your anger towards somebody is good, but as i said before, even simple punch bag would be a solution to me a times:)

Looks like i get my anger out on my exercises, i knew it in a back of my head, that it must be a reason why i'm so attached to sports and pushing myself to the limit.... live and learn...

A little read who wants to know more about these two behaviors...

Anger is a powerful emotion that can sometimes overcome a person’s better judgment. It is, however, an appropriate response to many situations, and it is possible to express anger in healthy and constructive ways that can resolve the matter without resorting to abusive behavior or violence. Examples include strongly worded communications to appropriate authorities, non-violent protests, and even legal action. Many therapists and counselors offer anger management programs to teach the difference between healthy and unhealthy responses.

Rage and anger both result from the amygdala’s ability to override rational thought, the so-called “amygdala hijack” that can be vital in life-threatening situations. In everyday life, however, most people are conditioned to suppress angry feelings, even when appropriate. This can lead to emotional problems such as intermittent explosive disorder. This causes a person to commit acts of rage in response to relatively minor troubles, such as traffic mishaps. Often, people will later report that they “snapped” and could not control their behavior.

These incidents have become so common that the news media has coined the phrase “road rage,” along with later variations like “air rage,” meaning violent outbursts on commercial airliners. Mental health specialists suggest ways to keep rage and anger from spiraling out of control. Meditation, deep breathing, and similar techniques have proved effective in helping people remain calm even in times of crisis. Physical activities such as contact sports allow people to express aggressive behavior in socially acceptable ways.

Probably too much on a rainy day, i just tried to do my homework understanding myself better.:)

Goodnight all and take care

Sandra x

Hey Sandra ...that post really made a lot of sense and I was interested in the bit about the part of the brain being on hyper alert all the time..

I get anger which I'm comfortable with , but the rage is more serious and certain types of stress in life I react to very much in a life and death way and in a survival way that most normal people don't react to in the same way,..

For me when I'm around active addiction of any kind it triggers life and death but only when a romantic attachment is formed..it doesn't happen if I can take or leave the person.

This is why romantic relationships under the one roof feel very difficult for me as I feel always unsafe and threatened.

Thank you for posting that as it makes a lot of sense as my brain is on hyper alert all the time scanning for danger and never switches off..

When I feel those feelings I explode rather than keep them In as you can..so other people can get hurt rather than me hurting myself.

R and D xxx

Thank you Rachel for sharing your thoughts and feels. Excuse my question if i go too far, but don't you think part of the way you feel about rage and anger is insecurity from your childhood, and you put your trust and emotional feelings aside and put that safe wall between you and people around you...There are a lot of ways to manage those feelings and let your brains to relax. I can see that you making progress, slow but certain steps forward:) xxx

Dear diary,

Today i just reflect on the world around me. Unfair and insecure place in my eyes. A lot of wrong things happening. I wish it was safer place to be. Today my heart goes out to the families and friends of the victims of the terror attacks. Today i feel proud i can reflect on these things, today i have feelings and ' my' head on.

No gambling thoughts, day 115

Day at a time

Take care all

Sandra x

Thanks for the post Sandra. I'm getting there. It's hard to not crave a quick escape and I do hate the situation I am in but gambling got me in this position so how will gambling get me out of it. Glad you are ok and moving forward your doing really well. Just keep taking it a day at a time and those days will keep mounting up.

Hi Sandra,

Reflection is always good as sometimes we run around like headless chickens and never take stock of what we have achieved or what we could of handled better.

Its also part and parcel of how we change and grow as human beings.

Keep reflecting and dont forget to tell yourself how well your doing.

take care

blondie xx

Thank you Dave and Blondie xx

Dear diary,

Drifting in a dark place again.I felt it coming actually..Weather is really hitting me with a hammer and i still dread winter coming and coping with myself through that time...I am sun's child and love to get that energy and positive thinking from it...

Tried to keep myself busy and take things of my mind yesterday, which worked most of the time, until i sat down and get into f**k it state and start beating myself up for my miserable life. it's shocking how fake i can be with coat hanger on my face and encouraging others around me, never stop surprising myself..Had a meeting after the shift this morning( perfect time i have to say) trying to concentrate and not fall asleep on the chair, words of the director kicked some life back into me. I liked what i heard, and knowing that it's the biggest challenge she is trying to set us to, i really think there is hope for changes for the better in that place.....

Waffling here.......but trying my best to dig myself out from this state....

Gambling is here, it can be the best companion and 'supporter' when i feel down and looking for that way out..

NOT TODAY you beast...you can f**k off right where you came from..

Day 116 and it will stay this way..

Rambling but will not gamble

Off to the magic place in few hours, hopefully better night and start achieving some goals set this morning...

That's it from me diary, jog time:)

Sandra x

Just reading some of your posts Sandra and want to say a huge well done to you, I'm only on day 5 gamble free and finding it so difficult. I am feeling determined though even though there's always that little nagging voice trying to coax me back to the games!!! I know what you mean about the weather when its dull outside it makes it so much harder.

Keep up your good work you have done so well and can be my inspiration, thankyou x

Sandra.

those dark days will come my friend, it's the positive attitude you have that will see you get through them.

Be kind to yourself, addiction hates that, it wantsa us to beat ourselves up.

As you aptly say, f**k gambling!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Sandra

Like Duncan says the dark days come and go and believe me they do their rounds with all of us its great we can stick together and support each other through them

Meetings at work I dread a few back I did a late night early morning and straight to a meeting ten minutes in was nodding away to be woken by everyone laughing so know where ur coming from on that one

Could be a lot worse as we both know, thanks for ur continued support it means so much

Castle2

Thank you all for your supportive posts dear fighters. I shall catch up with you all over weekend.

Take care all

S x

I think you're doing amazingly well - not only are you not gambling, you're understanding yourself, the feelings you have and why you gamble.

When my boyfriend comes home from residential I want to show him your journey and what you've written as inspiration so that he knows he's not alone.

Stay strong and be proud of yourself x