Getting there slowly

Hey daz. ..mahoosive well done love on all those days...and an even bigger well done for walking away from temptation whilst away from home....
I'm glad that parental block works for you...xx

100 days today! It's cheered me up after a tough day at work to see that. Thanks for the kind words Loxxie you've become my sort of hero or heroine rather on here for giving me the wifi idea it's been a life saver, the way I felt a few months ago maybe literally a life saver. Things have moved on and improved though I'm still working, never stopped paying into my company pension and have shares in the same company for my retirement. I can still dream of early retirement but that's changed from a flat near a casino to a quiet life in a sleepy village, I may have to work a couple of extra years now but so what. I'm going away with friends at the weekend so looking forward to that, I always try to have something coming in the future to keep me cheerful now. No gambling thoughts this week but I'll have to keep my guard up going forward probably for the rest of my life now. Time to stop boring you now so I'll sign off, keep fighting back it's possible to get things back on track.

Daz.

Well done on getting to the century club daz

Hey daz
It's never boring hearing that your doing so well....and so posative for your future....and yes your right ....we will have to keep our guards up today....and everyday....but we also have to do other things every day for the rest of our lifes....so a simple thing I do is....when I've cleaned my teeth in the morning I look in the mirror and say. ." No first spins for me today " ! daft maybe...
Anyway..as for being a hero. ..nahhhh....just another compulsive gambler enjoying recovery....have fun when your away. ..stay safe x

Daz71 wrote:

100 days today! It's cheered me up after a tough day at work to see that. Thanks for the kind words Loxxie you've become my sort of hero or heroine rather on here for giving me the wifi idea it's been a life saver, the way I felt a few months ago maybe literally a life saver. Things have moved on and improved though I'm still working, never stopped paying into my company pension and have shares in the same company for my retirement. I can still dream of early retirement but that's changed from a flat near a casino to a quiet life in a sleepy village, I may have to work a couple of extra years now but so what. I'm going away with friends at the weekend so looking forward to that, I always try to have something coming in the future to keep me cheerful now. No gambling thoughts this week but I'll have to keep my guard up going forward probably for the rest of my life now. Time to stop boring you now so I'll sign off, keep fighting back it's possible to get things back on track.

Daz.

Congatulations on the 100 days. Its a good starting point for the rest of the journey. Well done on getting there. Don't forget what got you to this point. Tri x

Thanks for the congratulations Tri and the wise words, I know there will always be a risk of going back to my crazy ways if the opportunity arises. I'm not about to kid myself that I'm over my gambling problems but while the blocks are in place the urges seem to have receded. It's a pity that the Internet is such an important part of life these days or I'd just have it disconnected but what I've done is working. Well I'll sign off for another day it's time to go out to eat, way better than spending hours watching flashing lights on my tablet. Daz

Had a really good week, a couple of days away at the weekend and the weather has been brilliant maybe a little to warm for me but no complaints. The days keep passing by and the nightmare I had made of my life seems to becoming just a memory. Going out with friends tonight for a meal and a couple of drinks, maybe not very exciting but still trying to always have something to look forward to. I still get a little rush of adrenaline when online slots come on TV but keep reminding myself about the self hate I would feel after a big gambling session, I don't want to feel like that again.

I'm not kidding myself this will be with me for a long time if not forever so I'll always have to keep the blocks in place but life does seem to be getting better slowly. I'm building up some savings which is really unusual and nice after the last few years, it does seem strange to be posting facts about my secret life here but it really seems to help.

Well I'll be back on boring everyone again in a few days, I hope everyone here has a really good weekend.

Daz.

Incredibly busy week at work so no time to think about gambling which is good but at the same time I'd rather it had been a quiet week. Continuing with my plan of always having something to look forward to I'm going to London in a couple of weeks to visit old friends and do the tourist stuff, looking forward to that. Just home from a quick gym session so it's sleep, eat and time for another long nightshift. Missing a party tonight I'd loved to have gone to but that's just life I guess.

Well nothing interesting to say this week really so I'll sign off, hoping you all stay strong and have a better weekend than I'll have at work.

Daz

Not been on here for a few weeks because of work commitments really, things get crazy during the summer months. I'm still hanging in there to be honest though I'm so busy I couldn't spare the time to think about gambling let alone actual slip back into my old ways. So work is good for something anyway lol.

Thought it was about time I made an entry on here, I've been keeping busy away from work trying to get out more and making regular trips to the gym. Work is crazy at the moment and my brain is fried even to the point of considering quitting and looking for something less stressful but I'm trapped by the salary - still trying to get some money saved up. Recevied my pension statement this week and was shocked to see a figure over 100k in there I'm so thankful I couldn't have got my hands on that during my darker times or it would all have gone. I suppose things are slowly getting easier but the depression that I think was a big part of my problem in the 1st place keeps making regular appearances so I have to be very careful. I'm beginning to accept that my life will never be 'normal' if there is such a thing but at least I don't have those terrible days after a heavy gambling night when I daren't check my bank balance. I'm going on again as usual, still fighting but not sure I'll ever really win or even what winning would mean.

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Many thanks for taking the time to post here, it never fails to surprise me how supportive and kind people here can be. I think I'm having a bit of a low time at the moment probably because the problems that helped drive me to gamble are still with me. I feel these days that the buzz from gambling was kind of an anti depressant for me but being a man I would really struggle to admit to a 'weakness' like that to my GP. I keep trying to make what I see as positive changes in my life but have off periods when everything gets me down, that's how I am at the moment. I'll keep battling on eventually I hit a good patch again, the trick has been to put so many blocks in place that I can't slip back into my old ways. Tomorrow's another day and all that.

Daz, first of all I want to say that Loxxie is amazing and I loved reading her words to you. She helped me as (I think) she helped you. Understanding and loving but "getting it" because she's been there. Secondly absolutely you used gambling as an antidepressant. So did I. And so do many of us. But it's a rubbish one and that's why neither you or me will use it again. Because we know it doesn't actually work. It sounds like you're going through some stuff work wise that's a bit rubbish. I don't have any answers for you other than gambling is not going to help. When it made us feel ok for a bit it was literally just for a tiny bit. Then we felt rubbish again. And we still had to deal with the stuff we were trying to escape from. Well done on your way past a century. Life DOES suck a bit sometimes but we can choose to either make it suck more or not. I'm choosing to go for the "yeah it sucks enough as it is I don't need it any worse" version. 😉 I can see you are too.

Not been on here for a while again, works still getting me down and I'm currently recovering from surgery for a detached retina which happened out of the blue while I was sleeping. Feeling really miserable and part of me would love the buzz of the slots but it would only make things worse, I think I'm always down at work this time of year just so much to get done....I'd love to quit but trapped by the pay packet. It does help to come on here and moan although I'm not sure it's what these diaries are supposed to be for but at least when things get better I can see where I've been. Nothing seems to clear my dark mood at the moment I'm really hoping this isn't the new me even I can't stand myself at the moment.

Anyway I'll get off now, sorry to be so down and negative hopefully something will come along to cheer me up.