Hello soldiers ,
Thank you for always being there to check in with ! Wanted to share the positive vibe I am in , after wanting to kill myself in the last year.
The last year has been more than a rocky ride , but after a gamble free year I can honestly say that I feel recovery is now kicking in. Feeling more positive because I do make different choices , and one good choice leads to the next as does the opposite.
What have I been doing in my gamble free year ? Reading , going for walks , shopping , listen to lots of podcasts ( Sword & Scale , Mental Illness Happy hour , the Vanished are top of my list , tips anyone ? ) , swimming , going to the gym , tanning salon , spa , cooking new recepies (gained weight haha) , hanging out with my sister and baby , friends , family , watching Netflix YouTube , going to movies and just chilling whenever I can . It's a good life.
Before I was overworking all the time and hiding money everywhere just in case I would need the cash for gambling. My relation with money is still a bit shakey after more than 20 years gambling , now I enjoy my money to the fullest with things that bring me joy and wellbeing instead of stress and endless agony . I've also been doing cognitive therapy for a couple of months , Gamblers Anonymous and are currently looking for a new therapy to deal better with past trauma and abuse. In this year it also became clear to me that I've been escaping from (early) bad experiences in my life with .. Yes gambling !
That became clear to me after about 9 months gamble free , because I didn't have the gambling "buffer" anymore to block bad memories. I guess I have to deal with these experiences , and I have opened up a bit more to my loved ones and docter.
I've been so alone and isolated for many years with secrets , lies and guilt which are in retrospetive really not my fault . The gambling only made things worse , I see that now.
Credit to this forum as well , whenever I feel insecure , I read about your struggles and recovery - one day at the time and realize that I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing , keep making a right choice !
"So alone and isolated! You hit it there. Change this for me and you. No gambling Sire. You can and we can do it for sure. We just got to think of something else when the urge kicks in. It's f*****g hard for sure. Let's do it!
Thank you for sharing, you sound in such a good place now, I too already feel so much better for not gambling at just 70 plus days , I will make it a year and beyond as everything is so much clearer and brighter when you do not gamble. Best wishes x
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