Going down a very bad route

Hi guys, thanks for your replies.

bluescreen wrote: So, apart from self-excluding from that site, your own willpower (and if you're anything like me, it's not very reliable) and the feeling of being fed up that is strong enough to keep you away for now, what else are you going to do to make sure you keep staying away once that remorse has faded?

I have no urge to gamble right now, but you're absolutely right that things could look different in two or three weeks from now. This has been a regular pattern for me in the past. I lose a lot of money on a single day, I get disgusted by what I did and stop playing for a few days, weeks or somtimes even months. But then I make another deposit.

I have never taken any loans or anythings like that, the only thing that I need to protect from myself is my bank account. I've decided to put a few thousand into a separate saving account each month. Two days ago was my first deposit into that account (from what was left over of my last paycheck). The money in that account isn't 100% safe, but I consider it to be sufficiently safe since it would take me several days to transfer the money back to my normal bank account and to deposit it into a betting account.

I could (and probably should) do more to make sure I won't relapse. I will think about further measures tomorow. The last time I gambeled was 48 hours ago. Since then I've been trying to keep myself busy with work and exercise and I'm trying to focus on positive thoughts.

Edit: I also just excluded myself / closed my account of all of my remaining accounts.

This is day 4.

The first couple of days and weeks are easy. The first real test will be at the end of this month when payday arrives. By that time I will have abstained from gambling for a couple of weeks and that will give me a false sense of security. I would say to myself "just one single deposit of 100 or 200 euro and if I lose I will quit". But the reality is that I can't handle losing and would always chase my losses.

Not this time though!

Self-exclusion of my betting accounts are in place and the first thing I'm going to do when payday arrives is paying all of my bills and transfering the rest into my saving account.

day 6

So far so good. My mental state is improving. Falling asleep at night is becoming easier.

I'm starting to make peace with the idea of never gambling again. Until recently I had never wanted to quit for good, I had only wanted to get it under control.

Hello Hello whatever666,

Hello whatever666,

We have moved your thread to the 'Recovery diaries' section as you requested.

Take care,

Forum admin.

Day 9, not much to report at the moment. Doing okay. The last couple of days were very busy. Didn't have much time to even think about gambling. Two weeks to go until my next payday.

Good luck to you. You sound like you really want to turn this around so I hope you do.

Just a thought regarding blocks in place... To protect the money you are putting away, have you considered installing a software like gamban on your computer and phone? It is a nominal amount of money for the year and could save you big time if an urge returns that sees you attempting to join a new site... There are plenty of them out there of course. If I get an urge I can't handle the blocks prevent me from doing it - then I just go to bed feeling unfulfilled but when I wake up I thank God that the blocks were in place in the first place. Anyway good luck friend.

Thanks for your reply! I'm not in the habit of joining new sites. I had my two or three sports betting sites that I was using for many years. Now self-excluded.

Two weeks since I last placed a bet. The temptation is still there to place a large bet on the match next month because "I just know" who is going to win and it's "easy money". But whenever I have these thoughts I remind myself that the much safer, much better and much less stressful course is to save the money for a new car or motorbike or vacation. I remind myself that I'm trying to rebuild my life and that spending all of my time and energy on gambling would sabotage these efforts.

Good morning . You just said on your last post that “ The temptation is still there to place a bet on the game next month “. “ You know who’s going to win and it’s easy money “ ? So how many times have you said the same thing to yourself and why are you here if everything’s so certain ? Those voices that say those words to you ? Well that’s just addiction talking and you’d be wise to ignore it . I wish you well :))

A 9 wrote:

Good morning . You just said on your last post that “ The temptation is still there to place a bet on the game next month “. “ You know who’s going to win and it’s easy money “ ? So how many times have you said the same thing to yourself and why are you here if everything’s so certain ? Those voices that say those words to you ? Well that’s just addiction talking and you’d be wise to ignore it . I wish you well :))

Like A9 has said Ignore those voices that want you to gamble and keep busy and focus on other things. Thats what I try and do and so far (38 days gf) its worked. But everyday day GF is a win of the best kind.

Day 17

Payday will arrive in a couple of days and I can't wait to prove that I will not do anything stupid.

It's nice to see I can login to the forum again.

It's been excatly one month since my last bet and I'm feeling good. It know that it will take a lot of time to rebuild my life. All these years of compulsive gambling, isolated lifestlye and other issues took its toll on me and my life is basically in shambles. But I'm confident that I can do it and I'm starting to see the first signs of improvement.

When payday arrived last week I payed all of my bills, set some money aside for groceries etc. and transfered the rest to my savings account. I would love to put at least EUR 3k into my savings account every month but I realized that it is unrealistic (I still need to live a little bit and treat myself sometimes, right?), so I'm settling for EUR 2k per month. I really want to buy a car next year and move into a better appartment.

In my first post I had mentioned that one of my goals was to:

"-- use my newly freed-up time to improve my life, for example: get to know new people, start a new hobby, exercise more often, read books, find a new girlfriend, learn a new language. In the past couple of years unfortunately I spent most of my evenings alone in front of my computer."

I can't say that I have made a lot of progress yet in this regard, but overall I'm feeling the best I have felt in the last 4 years and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Hi whatever666,

well done on one month gamble free. The first payday is always a milestone.

I would strongly recommend that you get started on the life-improvement bits. Recovery is a lifetsyle change and the more you enjoy your new (gamble free) lifestyle and the more fulfilled and happy you are, the more likely it is that your recovery will be sustainable.

How about starting with the new hobby? Maybe write down five hobbies that sound interesting and get experimenting.

All the best,

Eva

Forum Admin

Another week has gone by.

My weeks are very busy and my weekends are lazy and uneventful.

I used to gamble all weekend on most weekends. On monday morning I would show up at work with little sleep. I had to pretend that eveything was fine even if I had lost EUR 2000 on the weekend. I never want to experience that again.

It's nice knowing that every penny I earn stays in my pocket and I will be able to afford something nice in a couple of months. It's nice knowing that every month I have enough money to pay for my living expenses and put money in my saving account. Regardless of the outcome of some football or tennis match.