Going to keep this thread now!

Aww, bless yas. It's not any of the members at all. Just feel like a child at a strict school, sometimes.

Best say no more or i'll be sent to the headmaster's office.

Hiya Freda... I was musing on your thoughts. For me, I find that every time I try to exit stage left I soon come back. Its like you say, there is a connection with others even though its type over the internet. I like to know how people are getting on and sometimes I just need to get my own s**t out in the open.

S.A x

Yeah, I hear you, SA

I haven't felt the same since I was given some direction on what I could and couldn't write. I mean, obviously you could never write whatever you wanted, like so and so is a bleep etc. but I think about what I write, now. Will this get me sent to the headmaster's office? Not the same.

Had a great time at dance, last night. There were loads of people there. It was interesting to note my reaction to one, very tense, seemingly unfriendly, stuck-up lady. It felt out of place, in that environment. I'd normally judge her and think "ugh, you have a rotten attitude!" but I just thought, she must be very unhappy. I tried to send warmth and smiles her way but it wasn't received. I didn't let it spoil my fun and when I left, a young woman said to me that I had a smile like sunshine 🙂 awww!

I love working fewer hours. The difference in me is noticable already. I was in such a happy mood when I started work yesterday afternoon, that it occurred to me they might think I was drunk, haha. I doubt I would have felt I had the energy to go to dance afterward, if I had worked an extra 2 hours, like I used to.

I've had fleeting thoughts of gambling a lot, lately. I've spend a lot of time waiting for buses and thinking "I could just pop in that arcade for 5 minutes" etc. but haven't acted on them. So today, is day 31.

Congratulations on day 31 Freda. However you choose to engage with the forum going forward, I just wanted to let you know that I have learnt so much from you in my recovery. Particularly about self care. I have a lot to be grateful to you for and I hope that our paths can still cross xx

Hello freda.. How is your week so far ?boo 

Hiya!

Really busy week! Fell out with my friend last night. Sorted now, sort of. It's got to that point where we are not giving each other the benefit of the doubt. However, because I'm just more expressive, when these things come up, I am the bad guy, because I've said something. She's presuming the worst of me at times as well but not really having to take responsibility for it, because she won't say she is peed off - she'll say she found it "interesting" or "strange" As far as I'm concerned potato-potahto, do you know what I mean? There's an attitude toward me that's there, that she isn't admitting to. So it's just me with the attitude Nah, mate. Not having it.

I think the friendship is naturally coming to it's end. The thing that was most shocking to me, last night, was how completely different our perceptions of things are. No wonder we are misunderstanding each other so much.

Body feels really stressed. Need to do some self-care tonight, after work.

Freda, real friends who know you don't sweat the small stuff. I am blessed with my mate P. He picks up on the small cues. If I'm wearing a Hoody, prolly not feeling great. If my Hoody is up. Leave me alone. If I'm cuddling a hot water bottle, back away slowly. No sudden movements. 

I for my part always apologise if I'm being a big girls blouse and carrying on. Then we move on with our relationship. 

If your pal wants to analyse rather than deal with whatever is being said then that's on them not you. 

You are a great lass. Anyone would be blessed to have you as a pal. 

That is all. 

Drama x

Thanks, DL xx

I have bee insane busy with helping the animal rescue,  this week. We actually worked together well, yesterday.

We both love animals, so I guess it's a way to get along sometimes.

This is day 36! I think I dreamed of gambling, last night. It's weird the vivid dreams your mind will conjure up.

I had some success with a nervous cat, yeterday. She had been hissing at everyone who went near her but she had a little cuddle on my knee!

Good stuff on 36 days!

Following on form your animal thoughts. I was supporting somebody with pets yesterday. The dog rolls on her back and likes a tummy rub. The cat then came along and rolled on her back for a tummy rub. The dog then got jealous, barked and nuzzled my hand away from the cat tummy rub and back to her. The cat then got jealous... and so it went on... It was funny and lovely 🙂

happy days

Hi girl,

I get in contact with any animals too. What stuck in my mind and heart was that cross staffie - Princess. Blind dog and i believe partially deaf. I observed her in awe how she found her way round the house. Bumping into furniture here and there, slightly nudging everything with her nose. ...head tilt provides her with a smell sense and every time she came closer to a person, she showered them with excitement and love. 

I kept her occupied with games and snuggles whilst others sorted something out in the household and to be fair, i didn't want to leave her..truly imagined how well she would get on with Bella and have a "leading" companion on her walks.

However, cannot kidnap a dog lol..i just hope she is looked after wherever she finds herself now....?..gorgeous and loving puppy for sure.

Thats my input about animals. They show us resilience, love, trust and determination no matter what situation...what not to be inspired about?

Hugs hun, hope you're keeping well

S&B xx

Sounds like you are enjoying this freda.. Lucky animals to have you loving them

Boo ?

I went on a date last week, with a more promising person. However, I did have reservations. He did seem a little needy and my sense were picking up a sadness, or desperation or something, in his eyes. I just took it in and decided to wait and see. He did say he suffered from long-term back pain, so I figured it could just be the toll of the pain, that I saw in his eyes.

Red flag number one, came when we were talking about how long we'd been single. He mentioned that he had moved in with a woman after one week. Not healthy at all. I did acknowledge to myself, he may have learned from this and changed.

Something about his behaviour concerned me, prior to meeting. It was as though he had no boundaries. The weirdest example of this being, he told me his address. I hadn't asked, he just told me. Like, house number, the lot. He's respectful of other people' boundaries, just doesn't seem to have many of his own. He has some sort of Sky subscription that you can use online and he gave me his log in details for this, before meeting. Again, I didn't even want them.

Last night, he messages saying he is worried about his mother. She is not coping. They lost his Dad 7 months ago. His solution to this was just a fifty foot high red flag. He is going to take a few weeks off work, to look after her. 

Highly co-dependent person. Don't get me wrong, some people are close to their mum, but they might phone them every day if concerned, pop round every day before or after work - but take several weeks off work unpaid? I don't want to get close to anyone who tries to rescue everyone and doesn't realise that, generally, with an appropriate amount of boundaried support, people make it through difficult times because they are capable of looking after themselves. 

Wasn't lost on me, the feeling of responsibility for everyone's problems, is possibly manifesting itself as chronic back pain. He is 44 and on morphine daily. 

What a shame. He's a really nice man, possibly just has a narcissistic mother and has been led to believe that he's responsible for everyone around him. I can tell I'm healing from my own co-dependency issues, because I see that I cannot help him with this. He has to help himself. To be honest, it makes me want to run away, now. I have no desire to date someone who is enmeshed with his mother. I will point him toward resources to see if he recognises himself in them. Most people don't know they're co-dependent and I wish someone had told me, years ago! I'll tactfully mention that I see a lot of my old self in him, ask him a few questions and say something like "maybe you would benefit from looking at this (insert resource)" It's not for me to diagnose or label anyone but if he knows where there are resources that might help, he can take them if he's ready.

No gambling to report. Being with a co-dependent person would make me want to, though, probably.

Yes, it doesn't sound like a match made in heaven, but great stuff on going on the date! 🙂 

Thanks, SA, value your take on things. 

He literally just talked about trying to "fix" his mum's upset in a message. Proper co-dependent control issues. Can't stand it when people try to fix me. f**k that!

Well, today is day 42. Six weeks since I wasted some money. I'm getting a handle on things again, the lapses are less disasterous, thing that one was £40, or something. People say it doesn't matter how much you gamble, I'd say it's definitely progress if you don't gamble all the available money you have at your disposal.

The more I talk to people on dating sites, the more I realise I haven't messed my life up that bad. I am talking to a guy who works full-time and then works in McDonalds on a weekend. His mortgage is £600 a month and he has to pay £216 child support a month. For my city, that is a big mortgage. It occurs to me that he has probably tried to be flash, living in a posh house but it's making him have to work 7 days a week. Bonkers.