Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

I doubt you'll be lonely for long, you've a good heart & never say anything bad about people. I'm sure there are many in this world who'd value your friendship & kindness. Be kind to yourself & these feelings will pass.

Al

Sorry to hear that Freda, worst feeling hope you feel better soon. Have you tried popping to chat recently to be round others virtually I know it's not the same 

Lou Xx

Thanks, guys.

I went for a walk in the park, with my friend and her dogs. She messaged just after. It was just one of those days where you reach out to a few people and everyone is busy. Felt better for having a bit of company for an hour. 

I've gotten a last minute deal for a reflexology treatment, this morning, so I'm off to have that soon. Yeah, Lou I have been going in the afternoon one when I can. Sometimes the evening one feels a bit busy and fast moving for me.

I did reach out to ex and we ended up messaging, quite calmly, about our differences and it was sad but good, in accepting how incompatible we were. He felt I was really demanding for hugs and affection. I don't think I'm particularly needy in that way at all. So, he was never really able to meet my needs, there. I understood some days you are stressed and restless and don't feel like hugging but generally, I just wanted to snuggle for at least 20 minutes if we were together at night, watching tv or a film. From what I understand from other people, I'm fairly average and normal, on that front. I don't understand how you can be in love with someone and not be affectionate and want to touch them. We are just very different.

I'm getting used to being alone more, now but it was the contrast - particularly at this time. Lots of social things off limits, due to the covid wave we are experiencing. Hopefully it has peaked now.

Hiya.... yes some people are just not tactile like that. I like a hug and I could probably manage 20 minutes of snuggle time but then i'd just start fidgeting 🙂 You will be fine on your own am sure.

Hugs.. (((SA)))

Having a sad day, as decision has been made to let elderly foster cat go to sleep. His legs have gone and he's not managing the toilet anymore. Taking him to vet tomorrow.

I don't feel like gambling.

Hey,

Sorry to hear of the sad events in your life. Pets are our souls saviours and its so difficult  to say goodbye  to them. I'm sure your cat had an amazing  time in your care and you created many memories  with him.

Time always comes to say goodbye...its very sad but life continues  to go on.

Here if you need a chat, I'm sure today is very difficult  for you. ..hugs..xx

Aww, thanks, San

He passed away with me, last night. I was glad he died at home, as he would've hated ending his life at the vets. On a selfish level, it was helpful to me, to not listen to him cry all night and see him upset.

I feel OK, really do. I feel proud of what I did for him. Saved him from spending his last year in rescue.

Felt a bit sad yesterday. Kind of sunk in that I watched an animal die. It struck me that he probably had more than most people do, on their death bed. Someone there, stroking his head, telling him not to be scared. 

It smells strongly of pee in the living room, today. Not sure where it's coming from. It will be from one of his accidents, trying to reach the litter tray. I don't know if anyone can relate but sometimes I feel I have very little energy for sorting out problems like this. I'll leave it for another day. Open the windows. I probably need to buy some sort of product. Tried vinegar and water solution.

Feeling very low today. I was even worse, last night.

I did something difficult for me - I was vulnerable on social media and shared an event happening in 2 weeks, asking if anyone fancied it. Not a sausage. I dealt with it quite well, even though it is tempting to think "no-one likes me". I was proud that I'd tried. A lot of the time, my thoughts stop me even trying. So, I didn't get any positive response but at least I tried.

So, I went to work feeling a little alienated and deflated but not too bad. Then a lot of conversations happened around me that I wasn't included in. It just felt really P oopy. Heightened the feelings of no-one wanting me/liking me. I was crying on the bus on the way home. That's when I reached out to my ex.

Do you want to know why people stay around people who are bad for them, or go back to bad relationships? because no-one has time for them. The isolation is awful. I'm trying to move away to more positive influences but just keep drawing a blank or being blanked. No woman is an island.

Was not a good idea to reach out to ex. I'd rather weep alone at home every night.

He picked me up and took me to his, showed concern about how low I'd been, then asked if I wanted to have s*x. 

I said no, I don't think anything has changed between us in that way. He was supposed to go to work this morning, to do overtime but slept in. When he eventually got up he took me home and said he'd woke up and thought "eff it, can't be bothered, I'll stay in bed, see if K will have s*x with me". "At least I'm honest, he said. Men can smell vulnerability on women and take advantage of it, you know. I'm worried you'll end up around someone dangerous" But he didn't take advantage of me, in his head because he didn't rape me. He just asked me to have s*x with him when I was weeping and low. He was a lot less caring this morning, when he realised he wasn't getting what he wanted. 

I said "I will just call the Samaritans when I'm low, I shouldn't have reached out to you" He started going on about how the Samaritans take advantage of vulnerable people. Ha! I really think he is dead inside. I'm having a good weep before I get ready to go to work.

Hi... your much better off on your own, than with a man who can only see the world in terms of his himself and satisfying his own immediate needs.

Enjoy the rest of the day. S.A 

He's disgusting.

Get rid totally he brings u know benefit u said u reached out but he's made u feel more s**t

I'd say if he's like that.. he has potential to do something devastating. I've been there it's horrendous. The way he's treating you now is bad enough. 

Hi freda, I'm so sorry for how you're feeling and I hope you can find some other way of getting through. This guy has a psychopathic personality, he doesn't feel ,he doesn't care. He turns on the charm to get what he wants, in his head he doesn't understand why you would turn him down. It's all about him...and it always will be. You know you deserve better but in your low moments like all of us you gravitate to what you know...You hope against hope that his nice side will shine through and he will be there for you without wanting anything in return. He's just not capable of this. I hope you find someone who deserves your loyalty,love and affection. Take care freda, use whatever resources are available to you to get you through this rough patch

Thanks, guys.

It is good that he has alienated me to the point where he's killed any remaining feelings of warmth or attachment, toward him.

He certainly is a dark character, although lord knows what sort of diagnosis he'd receive. Not a good one! I don't quite know how to verbalise this, but it's like he doesn't exist because he's so full of P**P that what he exhibits, is a fictional character. A performance, if you will. 

He messaged me this morning, after leaving me distressed and crying, yesterday morning, to say "sorry if it seemed a bit selfish, wanting s*x from you when you were upset" or something like that. Whatever, blah, I've deleted all of his messages, it's just silly air. "I really don't just want that, I do want to help, as well. I'm still concerned for your welfare, so check in daily, or I may show up". I just deleted that without responding. I just haven't got any energy left for him.

Got out of work, to find that 4 hours later, after receiving no reply from me, I get two angry messages. "Right, I won't bother, then." followed by "I haven't got time for playing games" ??? Whatever, dude. Delete. He still has a spare key, so I'm going to get that back, while he's at work, tomorrow. I'll leave keys in the inside of the locks tonight, so his won't work, in the event he has a psychotic episode and decides to try and come into my house.