Going to keep this thread now!

Cheers, Dave. Yeah, vulnerable would also work as a description.

Well, I did the job I planned for myself, plus a little more. I often find this is the way. I suppose it is similar to the ODAAT approach. Break it down into parts and do the first part. Think about the subsequent parts afterwards.

I've been for a health screening including blood tests, this morning, since I was cheated on. Taking responsibility for my body and my health. The nurse had some reassuring stats regarding HIV, it's not as big a threat as it once was - particularly in straight, white men. I got all the info to keep myself and others safe.

I washed up, hoovered, went to the gym, did 11k steps in addition. I've been productive today. I was going to have a drink of alcohol tonight but am going to leave it. I feel more relaxed after the exercise. 

@freda 

Hi

These things you are doing for your self is vey healthy indeed.

It took me along time to get as motivated as your are doing now.

Wow health screening, blood tests, very powerful and healthy.

The wording taking responsibility, that use to scare me big time.

Very mature.

You washed up, hoovered, went to the gym, did 11k steps in addition.

You getting so much done, is it possible that you can become proud of your self yet.

You are demonstrating what healthy is.

Dave L

thanks, Dave. Yeah, doing a lot better without his toxic presence. Have more time to get on with stuff.

6 hour shift yesterday and walked my 10k+ steps. Didn't make it to the gym but because I went and helped my friend, for an hour.

She has 3 puppies and 3 adult dogs in the house, atm. Her eldest dog has just had a leg amputated. Played with the puppies for half an hour and gave her needy dog some fuss, as she is very sensitive and is unsettled by all the chaos. 

I kept my co-dependent tendencies in check, though. She made the decision to foster the puppies and has not asked the rescue to take them back, once her dog got sick - sooooo, she has created this chaos through her decisions and actions. Not my stuff.

@freda 

Hi

Could his toxic presence be a consequence that he has deep seated pains that he is not able to heal.

Your friend looks like her life is being tested.

It is very healthy to help another person and give of your self.

Do you think that co-dependent tendencies were are healthy for you in your recovery.

Focusing on other people and not healing your inner child.

I have lost count of the number of unhealthy decisions and actions I did in my past.

Because I have opened up more and more in my life I often see myself in so many other people.

Both the healthy and unhealthy.

Because it so apparent for me and I am willing and able to learn and adjust my self and my life accordingly.

Each day what is healthy and what is unhealthy.

Am I willing to change.

Am I willing to learn.

Love and best wishes to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham

I feel really sad today. Been selling people cards, chocolates and flowers all day, at work. 

I know he was a c****n and I'm better off without him but I feel a bit tender about Valentine's day, this year. Having been emotionally attached to someone recently, I just feel more lonely than usual.

I've done 9k steps so far and am going to walk to the gym and have a workout, shortly. I can exercise and feel sad at the same time.

I'm proud of myself. I feel really sad. Very tearful, but still went to the gym and worked hard. 

Home now, having a cry but I've also done almost 15k steps as well as a workout.

@freda 

You are proud of yourself.

That is really very powerful from where we all came from.

In feeling really sad it indicates the pains of the past are coming out in their own time.

Feeling really sad you have a healthy empathy for your self.

Being very tearful is the pains coming out to heal.

The series After life helped me me and my wife cry and laugh at the same time.

You went to the gym and worked hard, please do not push your self to hard and to quickly slow build up is good and healthy.

You do not want to cause your self injury and pain that would affect your new healthy habits.

Thank you

Dave L

Thanks, Dave. Yes, I have observed in those of us prone to addiction, that we struggle to find the middle way. It's chaos, all or nothing, full steam ahead, then collapse. I am getting better and better at finding the balance.

I've been to the gym again, since. I've done my 10k steps most days but today my body is very weary. Turns out it was that hormonal signal that it's time to rest for a day or two, again. I will listen to my body.

No gambling to report. I feel nervous as the hospital treatment grows closer but it is manageable and just one of those things you have to go through.

Was going to try my first GA meeting tonight but the storm is pretty bad, here.

@freda 

Hi

Thank you for your sharing, it helps every one including me.

The highs of my addiction were very much adrenaline based fears.

Some people do not understand how much much can restrict us from making choices in our life.

High levels of fears lead us to going in to panic mode where we are unable to think things out clearly.

Hence when people are  vulnerable make a call to a healthy like minded person in recovery who can not only settle you reduce your fears and help you in your choices at that time.

High speed a head is rushing in our choices and thinking, recover is about thinking things out slowly and  clearly.

Yes the word balance is important what are our needs what are our wants and then seek new goals.

By having goals is very simple by looking forward w e are not living in the unhealthy past.

Going to the gym is a very healthy habit yet do not do it obsessively you do not want to hurt your self.

That is a very healthy habit listening to your body. Nice one very healthy.

You are learning to respect your self.

I to be very scared with going to medical treatment injections and with going to dentist, they were not stressing me out I was stressing myself and the decision to reduce my fears and learn to trust all people.

I got the bad news I had cancer 10 years ago, I knew I was going to be in the operating theatre for nearly all day, I asked myself what was the very worst that can happen.

I lived 3 months with our being in fear, they took out a two pound growth from my body and I am still going today.

Even knowing it was going to happen I lived 3 months with having a good relationships with myself and my family.

You were going to try my first GA meeting and a storm changed that, it is the serenity that covers that, can I change that no, acceptance some you can not change.

Thank you.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L  

Hiya.. am back at the gym too, though I haven't actually used it yet, cos the swimming pool has drawn my attention plus sauna etc. I do prefer running outdoors even when the weather is bad.

Yes I relate to the all or nothing when it comes to addiction. A common theme for many of us.

Listen to our minds and bodies day by day, hour by hour. Stay in the moment and enjoy what it affords.

Take care.. S.A x

Thanks, guys

I struggle sometimes with people who don't accept friend requests on social media. I know it's not the real world, etc but it's hardly marriage, just accepting a request. You have filters, these days, to block people from seeing your posts, if you want to. I'm not talking about the inappropriate requests, if you send one to your ex or something.

Anyway....where I go dancing on a Sunday, a woman sent me a request, so I accepted it.... saw another of the people commenting on something, so sent him a request....nope. Saw him at dancing, this Sunday gone. I was tempted to avoid him completely but thought "no, I do not accept the shame this might make a person feel." I smiled at him, whenever we passed one another but didn't seek out conversation. Noticed my own growth, with this scenario. He looked more awkward than me. He was the one being cold, then having to face it. I did nothing to encourage shame in him. I didn't blank him. I could have. What's the point? Rather than make it about me and my pain at not being accepted and included, it was about him and his excluding behaviour. I don't know if that makes sense. It's not my baggage to carry. It's not about me. I have done nothing to cause someone to want to exclude me.

I'm doing good off this medication. Had to stop my thyroid medicine, two weeks before a treatment. Have the radioactive iodine on Thursday. Bit nervous but it needs to be done. 

Have to isolate for a little while but am using it as an opportunity to get things done in the house and make time for rest and meditation.

I'm back to the heaviest I've ever been. I just fell into the obese bmi category, by a few pounds. Uncomfortable with this but trying to be calmer about things and just gradually turn it around, accepting that it will take time.

Had my radio iodine therapy today. Feels so vulnerable going through this alone. There aren't meant to be side effects but it might take a few weeks to feel better, for my thyroid to slow down.

Hiya... just been reading your thoughts. I wouldn't get too worked up about "friends requests". The whole online world is superficial and shallow anyway. Must admit i'd have no idea how to set the settings so some people can see some stuff and others not.. so everybody see's everything. Its usually just pictures of me looking sweaty after a run anyway and the same people usually click the like button that clicked the like button several years ago of me looking sweaty after run. I am of course talking of facebook here and i'd never put anyway deep and meaningful on there anyway. I see it just as a place to say "look its me, am alive and this is what am up to". If folk don't accept my friends request, thats fine.. no big deal.

Hows your therapy going? I'd be interested to hear how one knows whether one has got an under active thyroid or over active thyroid and what it means. Am sure ive got stuff wrong with my body and hormones but i just don't know what.

Take good care... S.A x

@s-687 

Hi

My recovery and my healing took as long as I wanted it to take.

For me it was very slow steady baby steps.

You talk about things being superficial and shallow.

Is that me being filled with fears.

My recovery today is in no way shallow, as I opened up reduced my fears and healed my pains my intimacy grew.

My intimacy was all part of the healing process.

If I am disconnected it is up to me to open up more.

I am not able to heal all the time I am living in my fears.

If I click the like button it is about my values being expressed.

It is not person pleasing I am agreeing my healthy values with another person.

I look forward to each day t improve my relationship with myself.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

Thanks, both.

I don't worry about not having friends requests accepted but it's a shame when you reach out in a friendly way and are snubbed. I do have painful experiences of not feeling included and accepted and so this is a sore spot for me. I'd like to feel more included - realistically, I'm not a sheep who agrees with the herd, all the time. 

As for thyroid stuff, was tired a lot. Really tired. Something strange showed up in my bloodwork, that the gp didn't know how to interpret - so he referred me to an endocrinologist, who recognised the strange pattern and realised pretty quickly I probably had autoimmune disease or a growth on the gland. Turned out to be the latter.