Going to keep this thread now!

Hi freda (k)

Sorry to read your last post and about your brother. I do hope you are ok, families ay, some are a waste of f*****g space, and hurtful with it. My family i believe will never forgive me, spoke to my mum last night and she was shocked that i have not gambled for 23 days actually she didn't believe me. She thinks once a liar always a liar, they hate me big time. My parents and brothers dont even want to see my boys, i guess it's payback for me, anyway enough of my mindless babbling, you are doing realy well, thanks for your caring and thoughtful posts on my diary, i will be thinking of you. Take care freda. ands xx

Thanks for all of your posts, Graham thats really kind of you to signpost me to a 24/7 chat - it will be VERY helpful, so thanks for making me aware of this.

I know its not healthy to depend on support 24/7 but in particularly tough times, you need as much support as it takes to get you over the 'hump' I feel.

Im still feeling rotten today, but managed to meditate and feel really peaceful for half an hour which recharged my batteries.

My Dad is taking care of me today. Its been really helpful. He is slightly mad, but not anything approaching my brothers!

Thanks guys, I feel confident I will get through this before the week is out. Its just unpleasant, and is accompanied by a constant burny feeling in my heart.

Not in a heart attack way though, lol.

It is a situation that we have all faced. We’ve all been hurt by someone and allowed that hurt to fester into anger and bitterness. Ironically enough anger, viewed by many as a defense mechanism, only increases our own pain. Only when we allow ourselves to forgive do we move beyond the feelings of bitterness and back to our natural, intended state of happiness.

Anger can be debilitating. Not in the moment - we all get angry sometimes. But when we hold onto our anger, it turns to bitterness and poisons our thoughts, relationships, and our lives. By refusing to let go of a hurt, we actually increase the hurt to ourselves. Bitterness has never given even a small measure of satisfaction to a wronged party.

No one would deliberately choose bitterness over happiness. Yet so often, indirectly and unknowingly, that is exactly the choice that we make.

No matter how circumstances may buffet you, no matter what anyone else does to you; happiness, like forgiveness, is a choice. If you make a conscious decision to choose to forgive, the choice to be happy will follow easily.

kim xx

Thank you for that lovely post Kim,

I agree. Ive worked through my anger now, so theres just hurt which will fade over the coming days. Its hard to forgive when people are horrible to you and NEVER say sorry or show any remorse at all. There are very few people like this, but my brother is a very unusual kind of person indeed.

However, all I feel for him now is pity. Im not angry because its a total waste of energy. Some people take a look in the mirror and examine their behaviour when you get angry with them, others just couldnt give a toss.

Im cutting him out of my life for the forseeable future - NOT because I am bitter, but because he is abusive and unpleasant to be around.

Am feeling my sense of peace slowly returning.

Freda,

Kim's post was great wasn't it? Wish I was as articulate as that. Hope you are feeling okay today and well done on the situation with your brother.

All the best,

DT

Feeling much better today. Went to a womens craft group this morning and made a thank you card, then off to the seaside with R for fish and chips and a game of chess in a cafe.

Had a very embarassing episode in the sunbed place, when I dropped a tin of white paint on the floor! It went everywhere!!!! luckily it was only emulsion on a lino floor, but needless to say I felt pretty daft and embarassed!

Today I have not gambled. Its now a month since my last bet.

Hi freda

Thanks for the post on my diary, the phone calls i think are actually my eldest brother, have phoned bt and getting number changed and going ex directory. Know exactly what you mean about the novelty wearing of on the gambling, i think your right, guess its a case of moving on and resisting the temptations and urges. i do kinda miss the fruit machines, they were like my family (i know i sound crazy!). Sounds like you have had a nice day tho, im glad (shame about the paint tho lol!). Well done for a month free of gambling, your doing realy well.

Take care freda, ands xx

One month!!!!! Hey well done. If you fancy having a date with me :), I run a little meeting @ Safe Harbor on a Saturday @ 6 P.m. It`s a good way of connecting with even more folk that are getting recovery.

Why was chat closed for the full hour tonight?

Feeling a bit gutted the chat wasn't on last night, as there are only a few I can manage to do. I was out this afternoon, then out again tonight, and theres no chat tomorrow.

For today, my diary will have to be support enough. So I better get writing!

Didnt get my counselling this morning cos she is off sick, which cant be helped, but have missed 2 weeks now so its frustrating. Feels like all the support structures Ive tried to use are not very reliable. So its been tough going it alone.

Had a meeting with a 'back to work' type support worker today. He was pleasant enough, but found him a bit cold and stern. I got quite distressed at one point, and he didnt really react at all. This just threw me a bit, because although I never expect anyone to pat my hand and say 'there there' people just usually look concerned or sympathetic, you know ask if Im ok to continue or do i need a minute? basic stuff like that. He was just completely unresponsive. Didnt feel safe getting emotional. Felt quite silly.

Went to the shaw trust straight after, who were so nicey gentle, strokey strokey that I burst into tears! Had gone from one extreme to another. Very disorientating.

Anyway, today I have not gambled. Feeling fragile, but still determined to get through this.

Freda your determination shines thru , not just on your own diary but especially how you support others. It's a shame your support structures have let you down this week , bit don't let yourself down. You might feel a bit weaker without them but stay strong, I know you will.

Hi Freda,

Keep your chin up girl, you are doing really well.

I know what you mean about support....it's all about what works for the individual. I have tried the online netline on here a couple of times and I just didn't like it. I felt they just wanted rid of me with the old saying "is there anything else gamcare can do for you"...so get lost lol. I trained in counselling so I actually think it is quite a hinderence to me...you know, the questioning techniques etc....

Anyway, I think the support and advice you offer to others on here is brill......but remember to look after yourself too my friend :-))

Have a lovely weekend....Jas xx

The biggest help I have found is through speaking to people with the same problems and sharing experiences and feelings it is absolutely invaluable and the best councellors in the world could never really understad what we are going thru.

Cheers

Hi Freda (K)

How are things going for you this weekend?

Do post soon and let us know how you are getting on.

David

Sorry Ive not been posting much, feeling pretty knackered!

Its been an emotional week, and busy at times. Had a great day yesterday though. R won some capital bonds in a competition at work (the betting shop - oh the irony! only the staff ever win, lol) and kindly gave them to me 🙂 We were going to a party with his family, and due to gambling I hadn't bought anything decent to wear for a night out in ages. So I treated myself to a new outfit which was a lovely feeling. I thought I looked quite nice, so felt happy and confident and really enjoyed myself. I love R's family, they are just really nice people. They dont know about the gambling, but know I haven't been able to cope with a job for ages. They dont judge or stick their oar in, which i am so grateful for. His mum can tell I love him, and he's happy and thats all shes bothered about.

So, nice to be around family and be respected for a change! Nursing a bit of a hangover, so going back to bed with the paper and some stodgy food. Will read everyones threads to catch up later. Thanks for all your posts.