Day 71. My mates took me to the casino on Saturday night and again on Sunday afternoon. I didn't bet at all but my friend did and lost £300 after being £200 up.. First time ive been in there in around three months. Didn't feel all that tempted at all to get betting, it did cross my mind however...
Made it up to Day 76, last night I was mortal drunk and dropped £90 on the roulette. Gutted but I was really in no fit state. The trouble with Dundee is that after a certain hour there really is nowhere to go other than the Casino as they have the bar open until 6am, so everyone heads over there whether they are gambling or not.
Anyway - Day 1. Burning feeling of rage, really want to win it back to kill off the feeling and replace it with relief. Then again it was a good night and it's not a hideous sum of money at all. Somewhere there is a line between having fun and having an addiction, right now I feel like I'm on the right side of that line.
Relapsed completely this last couple of weeks. Roulette, normally when drunk with mates. Burned approx £200 in a fortnight. Horrible feeling is bad after I was doing so well. It was fun at the time. Sigh. Day 1..
Online roulette today, recouped £130 of £160 lost on Friday. Hit my mastercard to get money in to spin with. Heart racing whole time... Really need to stop, feel it taking me in again.. Day 0.
£200 on mayweather this weekend. Totally lapsed. Going to try another period of cold turkey.
First bet in over a month last night. Bit of nonsense drunken roulette, won a tenner. Not worried about this.
Touching in. Won £30 in casino on Thursday, first bet since I last posted. Really struggling today with the tennis final. I called Novak 3-1 win before the game, didn't bet, it's come in and I'm feeling like I've lost a big bet. Horrible.. Felt I needed to touch in here..
Hi Goodbye Mr Chips
Just to echo what Emily has said here, please try to show consideration for other forum members struggling with gambling urges. Posting when you have won money could encourage others to try their luck, and talking in detail about which bets are winning or losing isn't what this forum is about. Doing this can also mean that you never stop thinking about gambling and move on to other things, which it sounds like it would be healthy for you to do. It is great that you come back here and feel you can be honest, but perhaps consider how your posts might be read.
Best wishes
Forum Admin
Okay guys, I hear what you are saying. I was treating this as a diary for myself really (which is maybe why it looks "selfish") and hadn't though of it being read and taken the way that it has been... My worst periods of stupid gambling always happen after a few wins and you start to feel invincible. After a big loss, the confidence completely vanishes and you start to swear off gambling which is why so many of the threads you will read on here start off with "just had an enormous loss, so I need to stop". I come back here to check in when I do slip back into it because I know that one win will ultimately lead to something very bad if I don't keep a lid on it. Which is why I touch in here if I lapse (win lose or draw). Example of course being, winning a very small amount when rather drunk and then the next day feeling as though I can empty my bank account onto one tennis match. For me, checking in here and writing it down and then reading some other people's diaries, I managed to fend it away. So it did help me and sorry if that is selfish..
Really bored tonight and other half getting on my nerves. Turned to online roulette and lost. Feel like a prize imbecile, totally slipped into usual mindset.. I've won a few so will win again line of thought. Three straight losses.. Back to square one. Tomorrow will be day one....
Touching into the diary on Day 27. I have no blockers, I haven't self excluded from anything and I'm going at this on pure will power to stay away. I do not foresee another lapse coming but I guess you just never know. Currently working with the end of September in mind to perhaps treat myself to something special from my wages if I make it to then gamble free.
Hope everyone staying strong with me in their own situations!!
Day 52 gambling free!
Touching in on Day 71. Said I would treat myself to something if I made it to the end of September so I've treated myself and my other half to a trip to Ireland.. It's amazing how far your money can go when you are actually buying stuff. For under £100 I got flights for both of us, car hire for 4 days and parking at the airport. This time last year, that would have been two or three minutes at a roulette table and gone down the tube, or, paltry winnings after a very stressful session.. Even if I had won that much I wouldn't have bought myself anything with it, I would have just gambled it again the following day or whatever.
At the weekend we were visiting my other half's sister. Her boyfriend is involved in training horses and works in one of the stables. Not much into horse racing or that but he popped into the bookies when it was just the two of us so I had to go in with him. I only had £1.50 in my pocket but I was sorely tempted to place a small bet on a correct score or first goalscorer or whatever. What freaked me out the most would be having to go back to Day 0 and having to start again so even a tiny bet like that was instantly ruled out of my mind and temptation completely staved off.
Day 100 will be 3 November 2015 so if I make it that far I'll maybe treat myself to something as a pat on the back from my next wage...
Wishing everyone strength with this horrendous addiction and thanking everyone for their support which really does help.
Well done Mr Chips,
Yes it is really ridiculous to realise how far our money goes when we spend it on real things lol, even a tenner can buy us what we not would not even have considered using, for real things when in the grip of gambling, as it was just gambling tokens,
Well done and great gong on 71 days of winning.
Suzanne xxx
Well done mate on that temptation in the bookies.
All of our addictions to gambling are different and different things can entice us back in but being in a bookies and resisting is a great win for you.
Thanks for your post on my diary. I definitely cannot bet when thinking about my wifes r
Earnings. I would deposit £250 just like that but I really cannot spend the money she is earning. It would be the wrongest thing I have done.
Keep it up mate.
Mba
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