My recovery diary (JENILEE)

What is it your holding onto. What has gambling brought into your life that is positive. Have you not suffered enough pain from it yet?

I think one piece of information I need to include is that I used to be an alcoholic for several years and I was able to get that under control and now I only very occasionally drink ,& when I do only a few drinks (1-2)but I know lots of people that drink so I still enjoy it once in a while as a social thing going to a bar once a month or once every other month to meet someone for a glass of wine and listen to music etc. I am hoping gambling will be the same way as I also know lots of people that gamble, and I enjoy gambling. But coincidently my worst gambling is when I started going by myself, chasing losses at Cetera! I'm actually much more controlled when I go with other people.. I just, I know it sounds stupid maybe to you, but I want to do the same thing with gambling that I did with drinking, I feel I should be able to do it because I did it with the drinking addiction; I feel with both addictions I have been escaping reality. And losing track of myself. I was successfully able to quit the drinking thing and become a very controlled drinker and have been successful at that for years and years now. So Why I can do the same with gambling?

Hi,

I'm sorry it seems like you have really been through the mill with an alcohol addiction and now gambling is wearing you down. But to me its simple, yes, there are folk that can gamble recreationally and it doesnt cause any problems and can stop at the drop of a hat. And then theres folk like me, who cant, who keep chasing and chasing until they have nothing left. Its actually chasing the buzz that I get a kick out of but its landed me in so much debt I cant breath. I am very early in my recovery and no position to advise anyone but I hit rock bottom with a bang at the end of last year and I will no longer gamble for the sake of myself and my family. In all honesty, even though I enjoyed it I know I cannot gamble - Ever again. As I cannot control it.

I guess the question is: if you could tone down your gambling without a second thought, or even stop if you really had to. Then why do you worry about having a gambling problem when you are on your own?

Also, for me gambling is a symptom of other problems - my trigger / problem is grief, I have hidden my pain by hiding behind a laptop for an escape by playing online bingo and slots but its has brought all sorts of problems and upset for me, so the enjoyment is just not worth the pain I am causing by playing. So I have to deal with that and gambling seems no longer appealing!

Good luck to you 🙂

Mel xx

Maybe you can, who am i to say otherwise. All i can give you is my experience of it. I have seen hundreds of people come through the doors of GA in my time there & have yet to see anyone successfully do what you are attempting. How many times have you said to yourself i will only spend so much today or so long today & failed to control those limits you set yourself. Your trying to change without making changes. Accept the fact that when you gamble your life becomes unmanagable.

I wanted to do the same, thought I could but turns out its harder than it sounds.

Now im just seeing gambling for what it is. The 'event' could be from watching a sporting event to watching a wheel go round or a turn of a card, whatever it is....for me it just caused a lot of stress, anxiety, sometimes anger, but sometimes joy... When the event was over there was one of two outcomes.. A win or a loss...

So a win - ok great, top of the world feeling, great buzz, yeeaahh gambling is great why would you want to give it up?? Sooo that leads to more of the same, more betting and you just go through the same processes that I talked about..

And the other outcome is a loss... Oh c**P, why do I throw my money away on such stupid things, what was I thinking!!..... Now because im a compulsive gambler I need to make amends, feel better about myself by attempting to win my money back... As you can tell im back to the first same processes as I began with...

And all the above explains why I myself find it impossible to gamble redponsibily and only spend xx amount ag a time and only gamble once a week or whatever...

Wow thank you for all the responses everybody you've all give me something to think about and in their own way they all make sense. In response to the one poster, I never felt I could stop "at the drop of a hat"(gambling). My battle against my alcohol addiction was a period of changing deep infrained lifestyle habits and there were several relapses slip ups over a couple of years but eventually alcohol and partying became less and less and less my lifestyle as I could see I was doing it too much and I was determined to change my life before me. right now I can't even tell you the last time I went out and had a drink it's not a big part of my lifestyle at all! But yes, I am recovered yet can still have a drink, and to those that would question me on this has been the way it has been for four or five years especially the last couple of years, I am usually the DD sometimes when I go out I don't drink it all or just have one. There have not been no returns to my prior lifestyle even though I do drink. And I just find that urge to drink gradually becomes less and less the less often i do it. But once in a while I still enjoy a good glass of wine or two with a friend. Or with dinner I'm always worried about being responsible with my drinking. So people can change. I guess I'm wondering if I start the process of trying to control, if the same could be true my gambling. I don't know the answers, I don't pretend to. I look forward to your responses if my line of thinking make sense to anyone?( that someone in my shoes who has been through the change process with the alcohol so successfully should be able to do the same with the gambling?)

Just curious as to whether anyone sees why I think that it might be possible to learn to control, since I could control alcohol? And everybody said I couldn't do that too.

Hello Jenilee

I once felt like you did about gambling..........it was at a time when i knew it was a problem and yet i still loved it too much, i didn't want it gone from my life, it was a big part and i enjoyed it too much and it fit with my style...

That was because i wasn't really fully ready to admit it had the better of me completely....

Come back when your really ready and committed to give it up - you will know when that is .........as you will instead be describing it as evil and a demon and a force that has taken over your life.

Hence why it gets called progressive gambling...........it starts off being seen as fun, a buzz and a good friend and ultimately ends up as the takeover of our souls,money and pure evil.

Only you can decide.......i would love it if you stay here and save your soul before it is even lost.

But from your post gambling is something you speak fond of and yet to be the enemy no1 that it will become.

Trust us on this one.

If i am wrong.........then you are not actually addicted........so i can be happy either way as i wish this on no-one not even a casino manager..........

quote from Jenilee "I've been gambling for approximately 4 1/2 years heavily, and it has added all kinds of additional problems into my life."

As your words say above, I think this proves to you the control is not there adequately enough if it has added all kinds of additional problems to your life.

Wish you the best

Regards

Wayne

For people who are controlled gamblers and not progressive gamblers the formula that is given as a maximum spend is as follows;

Your wage - pay all your outgoings and bills and debts then take out money for food and fuel so everthing is covered.

Then say if your lucky £100 a month is left over - your gambling money should be no more than 25% of this so on a £100 it would be £25 to gamble that month (an amount that will not affect adversely your way of life/family/finances)

someone with £300 a month left - could gamble a maximum of £75

someone with £50 a month left - could gamble £12.50 safely

someone with -minus balance is probably already a progressive gambler and should not gamble at all.

Finally the extra rules are;

any money won from the above is not seen as free betting money as this defeats the object of control and winnings have to be collected and used in a non gambling fashion

once the limit is spent - the next gamble has to be the following month earliest and never before.

If you can adhere to that with no feelings of anger or resentment that time is up or you want to gamble more or re gamble winnings or chase lost money then congratulations you are not addicted at this time and are a controlled gambler.

Great last post Wayne. Thanks for that - makes it clear as day for me that I could never be a normal gambler. Doing what you said is just plain impossible (for me) and to even try to revert into that process would cause too much effort and stress than it does by my attempts to abstain completely.

Good morning all, despite a lot of comments telling me that I am off-base with what I am thinking, I plan to continue the recovery diary and posting /reading here. !

Because either way I want to stay involved with working my way through these issues. And there have been lots of different viewpoints that I've given me lots more to think about that if I wasn't posting/reading here! So thank you for that, and hopefully you guys will still welcome me here. One person said to come back when I'm ready to admit it is time to quit completely. But I would like to stay here working through my issues, if that's alright with everyone.

still caught in the middle not sure what I think. ...Wayne, your post of the formula of what normal people use to figure out how much they can gamble what they do when they win or lose and how long they wait before they gamble again is a great example. And it touched base with me.

so I will continue posting in reading have to get ready for work right now.

On a break from work right now. Will explain more later but have an extremely stressful job, never break in the stress and I take the stress home with me as I am a salary manager and they consider me never offer the clock. But I am trying to manage stress better is I think that was part of what led to my gambling also manage personal problems like loneliness when my significant other is working out-of-state. I am trying to get to the root of some of the things that I used gambling for. Will post more later. Welcome many replies

Okay so tonight is one of the nights that I decided to gamble. Since I'm still trying to do control gambling. We will see how controlled I Can b. have a money limit which is small in my head. And a time limit which a small in my head. We will see