Hello P,
It's all over for me too. In a bad way.
Sorry that you've slipped, although I know exactly how you feel. The emptiness after the run is sometimes too much to bear and we try to recreate the feeling we had. I know, I did it 10 minutes ago.
It's just all very awful at the moment, you must feel the same.
Time to sit back and take stock; will send you a PM in the near future. Time also to resurrect my diary.
good luck
Despite saying my credit card was maxed-out - I had used 4,500 GBP of my 4,500 GBP limit - I was able to deposit another 500 GBP to my betting account. God knows why. I will have words with NatWest about this next week - they should not let one's credit limit be exceeded - that is what it is there for. Anyway, I continued to bet and salvaged my pathetic situation slightly with a winning bet on some idiotically-named donkey at Ffos Las. However, I then backed a donkey at Cartmel, which lost. My last few bets were all in-play bets on Real Madrid to lift the Champions League Trophy, which they did. I am cashing out and stopping. Now.
I need to draw up a debt repayment strategy for the rest of the year. I also need to use this site everyday. I re-read my entire diary the other day (I recommend we all do this periodically) and realised that after the humiliating lows of 2011 and despite being saddled with thousands of pounds worth of debt, I was actually happy once I got my gamble-free recovery underway (I ended up being clean for over a year). I need to get to that point again. At the moment I just feel stupid, stressed, unhappy and unclean inside and out.
Time for a long, hot, relaxing bath.
Food for thought:
Sickening reading, especially the bit about leaving his ill son in the car while chasing losses and his other son saying "daddy's work" when seeing a roulette wheel on the television.
Yes, that's an old story and grim in the extreme. Makes you sick reading it...but makes me sicker realising that the ghost of myself is contained in that story.
More food for thought:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7243656.stm
"Sacks of cash..." FFS. The bookies could not give a toss.
I have just transferred 500 GBP to my credit card from my current account in order to avoid being charged for going 500 GBP over my alleged credit limit yesterday. I have left myself with the bare minimum to survive the next month until payday. Some bills will have to be postponed until the end of June as I just cannot afford them now. Things will be tight. I am now on the breadline.
Interesting article. The outcome is equally interesting
Day 1: no gambling today.
P.
Fella great to see you are gifting yourself more resolve to arm you in the fight to live gamble free.
Keep making the right choice
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
Answer 'yes' or 'no' to each of these 10 questions:
Do I spend a lot of time thinking about gambling? Yes
Am I spending larger amounts of money on my gambling? Yes
Have I tried to cut down or stop gambling - but not been able to? Yes
Do I get restless or irritable if I try to cut down my gambling? Yes
Do I gamble to escape from life’s difficulties or to cheer myself up? Yes
Do I carry on playing after losing money - to try and win it back? Yes
Have I lied to other people about how much time or money I spend gambling? No
Have I ever stolen money to fund my gambling? No
Has my gambling affected my relationships or my job? Yes
Do I get other people to lend me money when I have lost? Yes (banks)
If you have answered 'yes'
Just once - May be a problem - this one thing may be enough of a problem to need help.
Three times - Problem gambling - your gambling probably feels out of control - think about getting help.
Five or more times - Pathological gambling - your gambling is probably affecting every part of your life - get help.
Please watch this video. All of it.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?list=PLnP9EHxap820oedp7uoYX6H6vnjU4E1Eq&v=ow5buwxP1lA
bookmarked that for tonight's relaxed viewing
P
thanks for popping by my thread fella,funny your 10 questions rung a tune in my mind,the day I walked into GA for the first time I was given an orange booklet it had twenty questions in it,similar to the ones you have written,I answered all twenty 'yes' just as I would whilst gambling answered all of the 10 you posed 'yes'
This is very sobering and a great reminder of why abstinence really is an amazing gift,not only to me but those I hold dear to my heart.
Regarding your enquiry,it was a sad day for me when GT/NT left the forum, his posts always uplifting,his support outstanding, a true loss to the forum,but I do understand the reason's for him moving away from the forum.
If you want to catch up with his life you will find him upon the G#R#A#S#P gambling forum,take the asterix out,I put them in because I think the regulators of this forum don't allow the word upon the forum,why I am not sure.
I read that forum regularly,not contributing to it myself,I feel my writing is best shared here.
Again great to see your resolve grows.
Duncs stepping forward never back
Day 2: no gambling today.
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