HARMONY !

Life is never simple.

We just have to make all the right choices for ourselves.

NT

To,

My last post sounded like an oh woe is me , and it was not .

I was just replying to an earlier post .

I know how far I have come in a year , and fully accept who I am and the challenges that I am faced with , and will be for the rest of my life . I no longer get angry or resentful about my addictive personality . It is what it is , I can spot when things start to get out of control quite quickly , I no longer egnore the problem , start taking action and sort it out . Knowing that something else will raise its head above the parapet but that's ok , it's just me .

I am still in my middle , more than happy there , trundling along over the bumps or cycling round the obstacles .

At the moment life's good , but why wouldn't it be , I do not gamble anymore .

Shiny xxxxx

Abstain and maintain!

Take care

Yo,

Thank you Smiler , nice to know your always around to give me good advice and fighting in my corner .

I hope you are ok .......

Shiny

Hi Shiny!

We must have been writing at the very same time. Thanks for checking in on me. Sounds like you've got your world under wraps for the time being. You go girl! 🙂 joanxx

Hi Shiny,

Loved post on mine!

Anyway...you got me thinking about addictions now...........Tell me....why are we not addicted to salads, excersise and fruit....always things that are bad....but maybe thats just us eh

Middle lane is still good!

Keep on keeping on!

Oh and laughed...a lot...at your comment about rubbish in harrods bag.....you have great sense of humour!

Sue xxxxxxxxx

Hi Shiny, thank u 4 ur lovely post on my diary. It means alot 🙂

U must be sooo proud of ur daughter 4 turning her life around, she as lots 2 look 4ward 2 . I'm sure she will continue 2 make u sooo proud 🙂

U seem really content at the moment, I always like reading ur diary it is full of honesty. I have alot of respect 4 u Shiny 🙂

Have a gr8 wknd xxxxxxx

Morning Shiny,

Just popping in to wish you a good weekend, all ticking over here.

Maybe one day I will know how it feels to be in the middle, but you know what they say - you do the crime, you gotta do the time, and Im serving my sentence big time.

Patience is a virtue and all that !

Take care my friend

Cameron

Yo Shiny... thanks for your support.. Am determined to apply for atleast 2 or 3 jobs this Bh weekend.

Good to see that for the most part your cruising along in the middle lane bumping over only the occasional divet in the road.

I find myself nodding along when I read what you say about ones addictive personality. I am much the same. With food I have no off switch and thats why I keep very little in my fridge.. its not just cos am a lazy a**e and can't be bothered to shop.. its cos i know I will just eat it all in one sitting or over the course of the evening.

Bread and jam times lots, toast and marmite times lots, bread and cheese times lots, just cheese, crisps times all available, yoghurts times all available, flavoured milk drink..several pint glasses of, coffee..lots!!.. bagels times all 5 in packet and so the list goes on. And yes youv'e guessed it... the fruit and vege languishes until its thrown away. Its only cos am running like a loon that am not the size of a planet with a Nasa rover crawling all over me... lol

For me the drinking tends to be nothing most of the time... social drinker only... but the more i socialise the more i drink. Boundaries tend to need to be applied to me if in pub club environment..mmm ok its 1 a.m but yes i will continue to pretend am still 18 and order another double vodka red bull. I thinik i was born without an off switch lol

Like you say.. we manage are minor addictions and deal with them as they come along. For me gambling will always be the one that causes the horrific problems.. and thus the one to avoid... onwards... S.A 🙂

Sorry to hijack your thread Shiny!

SA says he thinks he was born without an off switch! I have thought that for years and hated myself for it as I thought there was something seriously wrong with me. I have now learned, like many on here, to live with my addiction, or lack of off switch. An interesting point though. As for gambling I am a million miles away and in saying that only a tiny step away! TAke care

Good Morning ,

Finding this conversation about cross addiction very interesting . So I am going to carry on with my thoughts on it .

Loved the expression S.A about off switches .

If you imagine my addictions on a muti plug socket with 8 plugs . As I turn one off or more off , one or more will automatically turn itself on .

Gambling has a big black peice if tape over it , but it does not mean that I never think about gambling , or do not fight battles against that addiction.

For the past few months , I have managed to try not to worry about things so much , this takes effort and I battle with myself to chill . That means 2 of my addictions were off so to speak .

Then I find that I was drinking more , so I try to battle with that , and what happens I am now eating for 14 people lol

So I will start to address that, but as I do thoughts of gambling become more intense , or I smoke more , spend more hours at work...........

So it's like a circle , a circle of constantly addressing one thing or another , or even lots of things at once .

When I was in recovery before I did not drink or gamble for 5 years , but I became a hermit , I worried excessively about everything but mostly not drinking or gambling , my obsession became worrying about my obsessions . Hated my life , was trapped in a bubble of beating my addictions , by not leaving the house , unless I went to work. Would become very anxious when I left the house , as if I would be sucked by some unknow force into a bookies or a pub as I walked down the road . And my life would once again disintigrate before my eyes .

I think you are right Smiler in the abstain and maintain , love that expression , but I do not think its a clear cut as that . Obviously I believe that gambling is the most damaging , so that is the one I fight the most , drinking I try to keep in moderation , but every now again I have to abstain for a while to bring it back to a sort of acceptable level. The rest eating , smoking , worrying , over work , care giving , I pull back on one cause I believe it's got out of control , only to find in week or so I need to address another . All of my addictions are progressive truly , I used to eat one buicuit , then 5 , now the whole packet . I used to smoke 10 f**s a day now I smoke 20 .

But and this is a big but , I get it , I am an addict , I am compulsive , I am no longer resentfull or frustrated or think I am different than most people , I am just me .

So I just get on with it , and deal with them all as and when I need to . When I found myself at a cross roads a few months ago , when I was so close to having bet . I did not , but the next day was not cross or disappointed in myself for coming that close , I felt nothing , not even elation at not betting . It was just part and parcel of what my life is .

I talk alot about my middle , that I no longer live a life of extremes , great highs or lows . In my middle I am still a compulsive obsessive , but now I can live with that , in some sort of Harmony ...........

Shiny xxxxxx

Hey Shiny One,

You betcha! I'll adopt ya. There's a lawn chair with your name on it!! " I'm walking on sunshine.. oh yeah.. I'm walking on sunshine"... 🙂 hugs -joan

Shiny.

I read your post on my way to work this morning and am thrilled at the way you today approach your recovery,also always stoking the old think tank which to end helps all who need it.

I myself love the autumn, and the winter that follows, for me it suits my style of cooking, all the big flavours come out to play and the dishes can all be robust!! happy days no more pea shoots and bring on the roots!!!

to end I seek stability today I think this is something very close to your middling, so move over and we can share the same lane lol.

duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Shiny... If it helps I eat for 16 people..or atleast I have this evening. I think when all is said and done addiction any addiction becomes a way to comfort self, a way to deal with difficult feelings a reaction to life. For me at the moment my logical mind is telling me that I want to be lean and fit for my marathon but my emotional brain is telling me something else.. its wanting me to eat food more and more.. a very self-defeating activity if i want to run 26.2 miles in under 4 hours.

Trapped in a bubble of battling addictions in a hermit like way and hating self is somewhat like me. It seems to be where i am at.. and to be honest where ive been at for many years.

Sorry to be on a downer in your diary.. but my thoughts seem to flow from your discussion of cross addictions. The bottom line in my opinion is that until a state of inner happiness is reached one will always battle addiction of one sort or another. I speak from my own experince anyway. Onwards.. S.A

Ha ha Shiny I did laugh at that joke. You really do have a great sense of humour. I've been reading your posts lately and they really are remarkable. So much thought has gone into it, you've been through so much too. Don't live in fear. You are a different woman now than you was all those years ago. You're undoubtedly stronger and wiser. As for swapping one addiction for another, that's exactly how I've lived my life. The trick is to try and pick the good ones and avoid the bad uns. The only problem is that everything that is bad for us feels pretty good whilst everything good is not very satisfying.

Whatever these dilemmas bring I can say this. You're in a good place at the moment Shiny, you're within touching distance of reaching inner contentment and it doesn't get any better than that. Concentrate on your positives, you have a wealth of them, and everything else will fall into place. Always enjoy who and where you are in life, value the experience good or bad. Don't worry, whatever happens in life you will deal with it.

Have a great bank holiday, keep in the middle and enjoy the ride, life is beautiful.

Festina Lente......Steve