HARMONY !

Yo,

So where am I at . Getting there . Still have another week off , which is needed I feel. Was feeling incredibly tired but that seems to of eased up today . Think having an afternoon nap has helped lol

No real urges , just the normal every day passing thought which I give no credence to. As it comes and goes in a matter of seconds .

Addiction wise well no gambling ypieeeee

Gone off chocolate , not such a bad thing .

Smoking more 🙁 real f**s:-( 🙁

Latest out of control addiction alcohol , drinking much more than is healthy . Which is s***t .

Plan is not beat myself up bout it . But come Friday knock it on the head and go back to the electric f**s before I go back to work Monday .

I am a bit concerned over my future . My life has changed beyond recognition in the last few months.

I now live on my own, I do 4 hrs a week in the shop as opposed to 4 hours a day .

I no longer have a family that I cook , clean and mother . And bless him, no longer care for my lovely special dad .

These are changes that I needed to happen ( well not the dad bit) as my life was a nightmare and I was incredibly unhappy . But I do hope it's not a case of be careful what you wish for .

So with all those things in mind I am most definitely on my guard . Know I need the rest of this week to get my act together but after that need to decide how to fill the voids that all the changes will have resulted in.

Not sure if any of this makes sense to you dear reader .

And not really looking for advice , now that like everything else in my life at present is take it a day at a time . Just penning my thoughts .

Laters

Shiny xxxxx

Hey Shiny

just to say that I also liberated myself from a situation I was incredibly unhappy with as you know only too well but it does bring another set of challenges that i can't deny.....but despite some really bad days and really stressful days I still know I had no other choice than to leave and make the decisions I did...

I can sleep in my bed now without having to wear 2 layers of clothes as a barrier ,feign illness ,pretend to be asleep or P********e myself to keep things level and try to stop him seeking out his other secret switch "buzz." ... No prizes for guessing what that was...but I don't miss placating someone with s*x whom I despise.

It's those little things that I value the most plus being able to be myself and not tread on glass around another person which is priceless.

Those are the things I try and hold in my mind when the s**t storms hit...

R and D xx

Shiny.

It's been a long road with many potholes and the odd breakdown but it has also been a great education.

Somethings in life money can't buy and to boot alot of wonderful like minded people met on the way.

For me a wonderful thing as we could have stood side by side in a bookies and I wouldn't give you the time of day.

In recovery you taught me about humility and how rewarding it is to give.

I hope you find some inner peace this week my dear friend I sincerely do.

Keep on keeping on.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Shiny,

Thanks for your recent kind words on my diary, I don't come on as much anymore but I do still read.

Pleased you are taking some well deserved rest, you've been through such a lot and I am sure your future will be very bright or just how you want it to be, in due course.

I too need to knock the smoking on the head but us compulsive gamblers in my opinion do need a habit of some sort, to keep us away from those dreaded bookies. Smoking might be a waste of money and harmful but not as harmful as gambling was, and I am sure both of us will give up the dreaded nicotine soon.

I've just walked 8 miles along the seafront with my sisters dog, I've never done that before and really does show how lives do change for the better, every day we don't gamble.

Take care and keep making the right choices.

x

Hi shiny

Exciting times ahead yes maybe a little scary but ur life is now want u want it to be. , liberation is a wonderful thing but it does take time to adjust in time u will grow and grow

A new chapter in ur life now and an opportunity to close the door on the past take the memories which are special to you and slam the door on the rest a new one is opening now

Out of everyone u deserve this its ur time and I hope u enjoy it of course there will be hurdles and bridges to cross but that's life experiences av taught u well

The future looks so good for u and I couldn't be happier for u

Castle2

Hi Shiny, thanks for the last post, it's always lovely to hear from you and I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply. You were right I have been busy with Maisie and painting. Currently waiting to get my 'barnet' seen too, looks like a burst couch. I hope you're still doing something pleasant, relaxing, rewarding like gardening. Good for the mind and soul all that fresh air and sunlight. I also hope you're ready to go back to work, if you are and do then that's a great thing because after such a roller coaster 6 months it's important to find routine and allow day to day 'normality' take you out of yourself.

Always thinking about you and hoping you're ok. Everyone deserves peace and happiness and you've certainly earned it.

Take care

Tatty Head x

Shiny,

I have been lucky to know you through the forum for some time now so, yes, your last post makes perfect sense. You have been through a heck of a lot and recently faced heartache. I really hope life will be kind to you again.

Don't worry about the cigs too much you are experiencing a very stressful time. I worry more about the drink and certainly without judging you I hope things go back to normal soon. I only say this because I know that when I have drank too much I lose control of my actions, which can sometimes lead to other things.

I have just said a quick prayer for you hoping for good things.

P.S. I am not even religious.

Tomso.

Hi Shiny,

Just popping in2 say I am still thinking of u and I just wanted 2 send u a hug xx

Stay strong xx

Hey Shiny Pants,

Just popping my head round the corner and hopeing your well and taking care of yourself.

We are all still here when ever you should need us.

thinking about you .

take care

blondie xxxxxx

Shiny,

Good Morning. I hope you are doing O.K. Speak to you soon pal.

Tomso.

Yo,

Good evening one and all , a special hug to those who have posted on my thread in the last week or so since my last post . Xxxxxxxx

It's been hard to post , because I was sooooo sad . If I wrote what was in my heart , it would of been hard to read and even harder to reply . I am know on the up so sure my level of posting will increase as the days pass.

I did post Wed but it got lost in the virtual universe.

Tough day Wed as it was the day dads ashes were returned . I must be honest and say that addiction of mine tried everything and more to convince me that loosing myself in front of an FOBT , or slot machine would ease my pain. Was I temped hell yes , did a cave in. NO !

It was not about my dad being proud of me , I know he was he told me almost everyday in the last month . And nothing could change that . I was thinking bout somethings I had read on here lately . I go I bet I ease my pain and what if I won . Well there I would be the next day , or next or what ever . I could picture myself disappearing like when you pull out the plug in the sink and the water spirals down the plug hole .

I will continue to fight this addiction ( and a few others that I have collected along the way lol)

But I will do it for me , not for my family , not for my dearly loved father, but for me . My self respect , my self believe , and the fact I have carved out a new life for myself and I will be dammed if any one of my addictions will take it away from me !

Have a great weekend my gam-care pals.

Shiny xxxxxxxx

Hey Shiny,

What a fantastic post. You are so true about all these addictions. We surely do it for ourselves, it's us in this recovery after all.

I hope you feel better with every passing day, my thoughts with you, i know it's not easy, but you will get there.

All the best, you doing so great and should be very proud of yourself!

Look after yourself

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hi Shiny,

Big fat hug. -joanxxxxx

Yo,

Tbh there are plenty of times I would rather be gambling than not gambling . For me it allowed me to isolate myself in front of a machine and had the ability to shut out everything else around me , and stop my brain obsessing about this that or the other . I most defo think about gambling every day . Not so much urges just well would quite like to be doing that than what ever I am doing at the time .

for me , I know I can't , because when I was created they left out the stop button . Which was pretty annoying really . I do everything to excess . Thinking , eating , drinking working and the list goes on and on and on. It's not bout winning , the expression can not win coz I can not stop is true . But in my case winning would just give me more time or ammunition to escape .

I write this in response to captains last post , but did not want to clog up his thread . And would just like to add, there are plenty of things I would rather be doing like gardening instead of going to work . But I have to go to work, that's sort of my view on gambling . I would like to, I enjoyed it , it for filled a need in me . But I can't , so that's that . Nor can I stay at home and never go to work again. Because the long term repercussions do not bare thinking about . Gambling is the same , hitting rock bottom again well enough said Does not make me cross , or feel I am missing out , it is what it is .

So how am I . Well really well, everyone has commented how relaxed and healthy I look lately .ten years younger some said yesterday , think they had forgotten to put in theircontacts , or were just sucking up to the boss lol

I miss dad but it is what it is . As for the rest it took time to find away out of the crazy life I was leading but I am almost there . I have been fortunate to have made friends on this site , who have helped me to believe in myself and convince me that i had the strength to take control of my own destiny .Still working a bit in the shop and hope that it is sold soon as this will be the finial act in the plan that is creating a better life for myself .

I still have to pinch myself , to make sure that I am here and not day dreaming how want my life to be .

Shiny xx

Hey Shiny..

Good to see you ....hugs always welcome and the same back to you ((((s))))) ...flicking between a few screens at the moment as taking another week off annual leave and multitasking/ domestic goddess/ writing my blog and doing some research for a pal...

Alls kind of well in my world ......you know me ...always got the touch paper lit ...lol xx

Not sure where your "at " right now ...but am sure you will let us know when you are ready ... 🙂

R and D xx....now with 2 jobs ...groan...