Heads they win tales you lose

pretty much sums it up, fletch. End of session, the demon has left the building. Well said. I can relate to that. I don't know how many days you have been GF, but keep it going.

Hey Fletch ?????????

Spaghetti Junction ? I thought you'd have been more the the " Alphabet Spaghetti " LOL :))

Good to here from you old buddy and I hope everyones ok your end ? , thanks for the congrats mate and glad to see your still keeping on the straight and narrow :))

xx

Hi Wentworth, not massively comfortable coming here & admitting I'm not as astute as Pops & have no idea what handle you used previously so apols if I've never spoken to you before.

I just had to raise a "couldn't be more accurate" for your opening post & a "hear hear" for your thoughts on Carr's book. I waded through the 1st couple of chapters & felt a bit like I was reading a promotional'grown up' version of Grange Hill's "Just say no". I don't know what I was thinking looking for an 'easy' way to do this, I know fine well recovery isn't easy. Although I have come to accept, abstaining may be enough for some & whilst I accept the sentiment of even if it helps one person, it still makes me cringe when I read a recommendation, especially since I think I may have myself posted to people asking for reads that some people find it helps. I'm all for keeping it simple but that just sets us up to fail.

Anyway, enough ranting. Sounds like you committed your early years to the devil too 🙁 Time frame wise, I'm guessing we're @ similar stages? How are you coping with recovery?

Hi kelly.

Yes not a massive fan of Allan Carr either. I’ve got nothing against what people find solace in. the words easy don’t appeal to me

Most of his books are just a brand not written by him. He actually died in 2006 the quit gambling the easy way is circa 2013 I believe.

People buy into the idea because of one word “easy”

Back story quit a successful job when he realised how much money was to be made out of addicts.

My recovery is going ok 13 months without a punt now. First few months were easy you get that bounce feeling of joy that you’re actually able to stop . Following that mid way the sudden massive highs and equally massive lows all thrown in with excruciating anxiety attacks. Some days I just wished bed time would come so I could get through the day. Some days I was on the high of life it felt great that I was finally on my way. Took me a while to work out the anxiety stemmed from not doing enough . So I set myself some tasks that I had to complete each day. A routine if you will . And from there the anxiety disappeared

Some days I feel good , some not so much but one things for sure I couldn’t do it again. I don’t have another attempt in me the first few months took me to places mentally i couldn’t face it again. And that’s what drives me forward even on bad days I grind them out because tomorrow is another day.

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was an easy way?

The evil evil bookies see that posted a lot, myself I believe it to be a phase you go through. Addictions last attempt at blaming anyone but yourself. Real recovery starts when you expect responsibility for your actions. All those years of being a douche to your family and living in hardship aren’t because of a machine or some evil empire it’s because you chose to do it to yourself. Addiction is terrible but it’s still your own choice. In all my years gambling I’ve never been persuaded to play harder or longer by anyone but me. Ultimately I was the maker of my own demise and I accept that.

Payday loans: a lot of people now turn to these when they’ve finally exhausted all other avenues. Unless you live under a small rock in the desert you will know how cut throat these companies can be. Rates are extortionate gamblers will often blast through the money borrowed then cry foul play. I highly doubt people would skip how much the payments were before excepting the money. It’s like saying you would feed your kids food without checking the expiration date it just doesn’t happen. Payday loan companies are just legal loan sharks only they won’t come and break your legs or hurt your family if you don’t get the money so we’ll give them a good star for that one?

October sees the evil bookie getting their evil fobt reduced is this a good thing? I’m not thinking so here’s why, I spent years on end playing low stake 25p/ 2 pound spins. Resulting in spending my entire adulthood addicted to slots amongst other things. So say 20 years compulsively gambling given I gambled for a decade beforehand. What we see on the forum these days is people reaching out after one year of gambling some cases a month or 2 . It’s a case of the bullet or the sword one is over fast ie high stakes or the sword bleed slowly over a longer period all cases result in death either way. So thinking of the younger generation it’s better to get them in recovery early when they have no other responsibilities ie family, homes

The one thing stake reduction is going to do is drive people online and that’s going to be a bigger disaster than the fobts introduction because people will still want to get their fix.

Personally I think people should stop lobbying the government for stake reductions and start lobbying the banks for more financial protections limiting the amounts one can spend in transactions a day would be a start.

Cutting off there I’m ranting again

Morning Mr "W " :)) .

You know I've alway's held my hand's up and said " It was me " and as far as I'm concerned Nobody ever held a gun at my head and said " Gamble " So I'm with you on that one but not so sure the reduction in betting stakes on the Fobt's would be a catalyst to drive people to online gambling , that being said the online stuff has never interested me thankfully so that maybe just me spouting rubbish again :(( .

I hope your son's first day went well buddy and your daughters getting her head in gear for her sats , it seems years ago that I was dealing with all that stuff but then again " I am consderably older than yow " :(( .

Nice to see you posting old buddy and I'll catch up with you soon :))

xx

Online is where the true gambling beast lies, FOBTs are evil, but spinning thousands on your phone or a tablet, now thats evil.

Well put. Yes, for me, it went beyond chasing cash and wanting to make money. My last relapse I was convinced I could make gambling pay me a second income.

But it was a dopamine boost that I was after. The problem was that my last bet, there was nothing. No rush, no thrill, no buzz, nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have been gambling on and off for over 30 years. It really is a mugs game. However, as you say, I'm an addict. I find life tough, annoying, a pain in the you know what...

I find it difficult to sit and feel miserable, I want to escape it and feel a bit of pleasure! Today has been a pain in the ****. Argument with the mrs, argument with the daughter. The mrs then nearly chopped my finger off slamming the door without knowing my hand was in there. I then nearly get run over by an idiot cyclist, then it rains heavily (just a few minutes after I watch the weather forecast that says today's weather will be good) - I'm in a tshirt and shorts. lol. Then another idiot cyclist nearly runs me over on the pavement. Then I recieve something from ebayer that has 7 peices missing! Then two of my staff phone me to say they are unable to come to work. Then, I buy tickets for an event but realise that I got the wrong date! lol..

It's just been one of those days. I could gamble and get a temporary release, but I know that if I gamble, it will make a bad day even worse. I'm nearly 200 days off gambling now. That's a good effort. Staying off and trying to work the recovery is what it's all about. Good luck!

Hello Mr W :))

Just a quick line to say I hope your wife doesn't read your offering's regarding " Child birth " as I got a slap from my daughter the other day after saying to her husband that " Apparently It sting's a bit " ? . Fortunately no other lady on the forum will read this post :)) .

Good to see you dishing out the wise stuff :))

Stay well old buddy :))

Just wanted to say well done on the year gf. When people come here, i can always tell whose going to get it eventually. Despite you getting the hump with me on occasion, i always knew you would be one of them. Your posts of late have been great & insightful. Your ability to go away & take other opinions on board despite it not sitting well initially is a great skill. Stand tall brother.

13 months bet free now.

I still devote the spare time I have on my recovery. As recovery is a lifetime of discovery I’ll be spending the coming months maybe a year on the not so manly subject “emotions”.

Over the years I know that I have maybe become emotionally detached from the world.

Some people will say that my best quality is I’m unfazed by any situation. To me it says i probably look like I don’t care. I do care but I just don’t know how to show it so my emotions sit inside.

If I look back my emotions disappeared when my gambling really took hold I was heavily in debt and know one knew. I spent a few years hiding the post. That pushed me to almost insanity. I couldn’t put a number on the amount of times death seemed appealing. From that I had to learn to play happy. When I was sad I was happy on the surface angry again play happy. Give nothing away and you’ll work this out it will all go away. That’s the thing about debt it doesn’t go away until you do something about it.

A few years prior to my gambling starting compulsively a relative of mine a man who I admit I loved like a father killed him self after he lost a child. That enraged me what an absolute selfish act to put on his family. That was my attitude to the situation, in reality it broke my heart but I never showed anyone that. Fast forward a few years and there’s me wanting to end it over a couple of quid. I’m lucky in a way that my mental state couldn’t let me go any further than a few years because I would know doubt still be in debt now or dead most likely the latter. My story is not to dissimilar than one you will read on the f&f where they came out and paid of debts only to continue to gamble. Thankfully I never borrowed money from when I first came out . Well I couldn’t anyway as my credit rating was shot . I did find once I was debt free obviously having a bigger income and more freed up money my gambling started to spiral again.

I don’t have any great recovery techniques that I can tell people work with confidence. But a few recent family and friend deaths was what made me take stock of my life, I knew if it was me I didn’t want to be remembered as the person who had all these good things in his life but chose to do nothing with them. The past 13 months haven’t been easy but when I feel down I remember those few years sitting waiting for the post unable to communicate my feelings to the world. So if I’m having a bad day feeling sad down or even when I’m really happy when I show it it’s actually how I’m feeling. I’m thankful to have found my solace in music something I never really took to before but Its A great way of showing your emotions I’ll write more on that another time.

I’m in agreement that addiction is a mental illness, I’ll put it here as it maybe unwanted on other people’s diaries.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), and behaviors that drive them to do something over and over (compulsions). Often the person carries out the behaviors to get rid of the obsessive

sound familiar?

Depression (major depressive disorder) is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. Fortunately, it is also treatable. Depression causes feelings of sadness and/or a loss of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems and can decrease a person’s ability to function at work and at home.

There’s over 200 mental illnesses so I won’t bore everyone with them all but just looking at those two there seems a lot of similarities in those and people who suffer from any form of addiction. There is a lot of stigma with mental health and most people won’t want to associate it with themselves. But again the similarities or uncanny

a person who has compulsive behaviour do they do it out of habit I’m not so sure. Does a person commit fraud , steal from family, and sometimes commit suicide out of habit ? Or is it they’re mentally unwell.

Addiction may not be a mental illness in its own right maybe it could be magnified from a cocktail of suffering from anyone of the other well known mental illnesses. But there’s definitely a connection there!!!!

Hope you don't mind me jumping on here Wentworth!

I am in total agreement with you. Why else would my son at 18 years old who had a great kind and caring personality, is empathetic to a fault, intelligent, handsome and a world of potential chose to be living the life of an addict?? He is not happy ... he is a tortured soul who struggles to see how this happened yet can't seem to stop.

I am not saying he has no personal responsibility and/ or blame his childhood or the gambling industry or any number of things that may have lead to this. This is his problem to deal with but I can say without a doubt that he never asked for this and as a mom watching this it is just as heart breaking as if he had a physical disease.

Cathyx

Cathy you’re more than welcome to post any time x

You know I think people tend to see a mental illness as someone being locked away in a looney bin drooling all over themselves. Well maybe in the 1930s those times they thought they could electrocute a *** man into being straight?

People can live a lifetime with a mental illness and never know they have one. Most are scared of the label. Mental illnesses are treatable if you look in the right places . Unlike the common cold but know one is scared to tell their boss they have a cold when they want a day off.

The interpretation of today’s society your just looking for something to blame. Well I’m pretty sure it’s not my wife’s fault I lost a fortune worth more than the house we live in. Is taking out loans something someone does for fun? Could be i was just moron With nothing better to do. I’ll keep my options open!!!